I have never felt more useless and stupid than since I’ve started this job. I got this job because my academic job fell through and I didn’t have any other prospects and I needed money fast. But every time I feel I’ve done progress in doing the most basic shit I get reprimanded because clearly I forgot something or I did something wrong. I thought It was part of the learning curve but after 6 months I have realized it’s just that I’m shit at this job, and it’s getting to me. I now get so anxious walking into work that my stomach spasms because I’m certain I will get reminded that I’m shit and that I’m worthless. The business owner keeps yelling at me and I can’t take it anymore. I’m going through a depressive crisis and I can’t handle taking care of myself beyond eating and basic hygiene. I don’t have any other options lined up, I might go homeless, but I can’t take it anymore.
I can’t even go back to academic jobs because last time I had an adhd flareup and depression I couldn’t finish a project so now I’ve been burned because nobody will ever vouch for me anymore.
Maybe I’ll just die and be done with it.
I know what it’s like when the job sucks. But, and you really don’t want to hear this, the job market is BRUTAL right now. Don’t expect to find a new job fast, and maybe you’ll even land a worse job.
Do seek a honest 1 on 1 conversation with your manager tho and be honest about how you feel about him yelling at you and how you don’t feel like you’re progressing. I obviously don’t know your situation, and it very well might be that you are dumb, but it sounds more like the job isn’t giving you the opportunity to educate yourself.I do have AuDHD and some pretty bad executive dysfunction. It got worse the past few years and now that I am out of a job too I can barely even get myself to do anything, even the things I like doing my brain can’t focus on for more than a few minutes right now.
And if you live in a country where jobless = homeless, things are going to be even tougher.
And finally, don’t die. Life sucks, but staying alive is a act of rebellion. The people in power want you dead, so don’t give 'em what they want.
I am aware of this, but I don’t see any other way. My boss is also the owner, a narcissistic man, who will not take any criticism or feedback without thinking it’s a personal affront, and who has not spared any opportunity lately to remind me how disappointed he is in me (I was supposed to carry other tasks other than the main part of the job, but I’ve had zero time and energy to do them because I have been shit at the main tasks, so I’m a double disappointment). So talking to him about the yelling and the feeling of inadequacy would be the same as quitting or spitting in his face.
The job has given me plenty of opportunities where I’ve made mistakes and tried to learn from them, but clearly I have not learned enough or at all, since I still keep getting reprimanded essentially every day for some shit I should’ve known by now. What else am I supposed to think other than I’m useless and dumb, even if I think I’m not.
I know the job market is shit, and I very likely have no other options, but I can’t keep going like this. One of these days I’m gonna snap, and I’m so close rn.
Living to spite shitty people doesn’t motivate me to go through with the shit part of being alive.
This sucks to hear. Sounds like you’re in a downward spiral with no end in sight. Honestly I’ve no clue how to help you out. I wish I could say that you’re a human and your life isn’t defined by your job, I don’t know if I even believe that. The way life is setup right now it’s definitely hard to go thru it without a job. I would say don’t give it your all at your job, but I know people who can’t take that advice either…
I’ve gotten to the point of DGAF. Say something ONCE. If they take it on board great. If they don’t just wait, well you said your piece. Just put it out there like Willy Wonka warning Veruca Salt. Then as time goes on maybe they start listening. Or don’t. You just there for a paycheck…and health insurance.
Yes sir. Great idea, but have you thought of this? That’s it. Or just stop saying anything and let them find out. They’re the decider, the big ego on campus. Let them stew and learn.
That is how I’ve managed to stay sane. The more I say anything the more I make it difficult for myself. Then chuckle at the constant fuck ups they make. So many times I heard co-workers say “I told them they should, but they didn’t” and see the place
I’m sorry your boss is like this. Nobody deserves to get treated like that just to survive.
If you are in a place with unemployment law at all similar to the US, at least consider getting fired instead of quitting so you can get some money to help tide you over. Not to say at all that you should stay and muddle through, especially if its truly untenable, just that talking back to the boss, or working as little or slow as possible, or whatever, and intentionally getting fired, may be financially better than quitting.
In some states being fired with cause means you are entirely ineligible for unemployment benefits so keep that in mind too
You know you have adhd. Are you on any anti anxiety meds? They won’t help much with depression, but they can help you keep a bit of drive and focus - or at least some of the intrusive pings - which can help with daily and work tasks, which can help with some of the sources of stress and depression.
Shit is hitting the fan economically and if you can survive until you get something else lined up is more prefable to quitting. Harder to get unemployment health benifiets if you quit too.
Sorry you’re having such a tough time. Most jobs are awful and it sucks that people have to tolerate this or become destitute. Given the state of your mental health, is there any chance of you being able to apply for disability instead of working?
Given the state of your mental health, is there any chance of you being able to apply for disability instead of working?
Not really, where I live depression and adhd (as least as considered by the person who did my assessment) aren’t considered disabling, and disability is awarded to people according to a %. You don’t qualify to any income assistance unless your disability is over 50%, and none of my mental health professionals have thought I qualify for any % disability.
Sorry to hear that. I’ve had immense trouble keeping my benefits. In the end I got the Citizens Advice Bureau to fill out all my forms for me, my local MP to intervene, plus asking every single medical professional and a local social worker for a letter of support (some came through, some didn’t). It’s ridiculous how difficult they make it for disabled people to get a scrap of help and I’m still in debt due to having to live on credit for so long while going through the appeal. Is there anyone where you are like citizens advice who can help? It’s designed to get people to give up at the first hurdle, if you persevere you might be in with a chance.
Whatever you decide, you’re not alone in this. So many people have to endure bullshit like this. You’re not useless or stupid, you’re just one of countless people who are being bullied by a narcissistic asshole in a position of power. You’re worth a million times more than someone like that. I know people with ADHD and depression in academia. Maybe you can go back, maybe lie and say it was for whatever reason. I wish you somehow time to heal and collect your strength before you look for the next shitty job, that’s hopefully at least less shitty than this one.
You’re not useless and you’re not dumb, and your boss sounds like a piece of shit. These working conditions sound like they are (rightfully) giving you a lot of anxiety!
6 months really is not a long time to think you should be doing everything right at a new job either, I think you deserve some grace.
My rambling advice:
spoiler
If the boss yelling is the source of your anxiety and they won’t take any feedback, you could try just asking for help. Something like, “I want to succeed and I’m trying my best, but I’m having trouble doing [random specific job shit] and I need some help/advice.” This gives them a chance to be the hero and just might give you some leeway on some of those minor mistakes in the future.
Even if the conversation doesn’t go the way you expect, I think just the act of trying to resolve it may relieve some anxiety. In a past job of mine, I had a terrible boss who understaffed us and would give me shit for not doing the jobs of 3 people despite me feeling like I was working my ass off. One day I resolved to say, “Hey, I think I need some more help during my shifts, I feel overwhelmed and not able to get everything done.” He yelled at me and insulted me. That was some shit lmao. But y’know what, afterward I was so fucking relieved because I did everything in my power to fix what I could and I just felt afterward like I wasn’t to blame anymore. Nothing got resolved, and eventually the place went out of business, but I didn’t quit and I was able to separate my perceived worth at work from my actual worth as a human being.
My immediate advice is that you need a day off. If that’s possible at all, take a day for yourself and just exist outside of that stress for a little bit if you can. If you can’t, I sometimes wake up and take a “fuck it” day. It’s where you go to work and do the absolute bare minimum so you don’t get fired. I’m just there for the money anyway, if something comes up at work that stresses me out in any way, I just say fuck it (in my head! lol) and half-ass it or ignore it or delay it or whatever. I’m just doing enough to not get fired today and that’s it. It can be very satisfying :)
I want to add, please don’t quit without something lined up. Being unemployed and exhausting your bank account during a job search is just a nightmare. You can take a pay cut to work somewhere less stressful, or find something part-time to keep you afloat, but homelessness is not really something you can just bootstrap your way out of. I can totally relate with thinking “I’d rather be homeless than deal with this shit”, but trust me it’s not true and you would regret it.
Finally, sorry about you feeling depressed. Work sucks, your boss sucks, lots of things suck, and depression is a pretty common response to these shitty things we can’t control. It’s awesome that you’re still taking care of yourself with your hygiene and eating habits, that (plus good sleep and a bit of exercise) is a great foundation to build yourself back up. I obviously can’t cure your depression (I forgot my magic wand), but remember that everytime you build yourself up a little bit with a shower or a tasty meal, it gives you a better vantage point to see over all the shit and realize that some things in life can still be pretty great. Maybe it’s spending time with a pet or a loved one, watching a show you like, enjoying some nice weather, looking through some old photos, or whatever. It’s not all work and shitty bosses, and your life is much more valuable than your ability to generate profit for someone else.
Please hang in there, you got this.
I can’t say I’ve been in the exact same situation, but I feel for you. Been at a place where I was getting weekly performance reviews, which were just “here’s every single small thing you did wrong”. They never yelled at me, but I don’t think anyone can be expected to improve under those conditions where every little mistake also carries such a large emotional toll. Everyone else is right that it’s tight out there, so good luck. I’ve had the best results on Indeed by narrowing results with filters as much as possible (FT/PT, pay, category, etc.) then sorting results by date.
I’ve found the desire to have a different job be an incredibly motivating factor to applying to other jobs. The best time to look for one is while you’re still employed!
However, it sounds like you’re going through a cycle which constantly repeats and ends up with you out of a job. If at all possible it would be good to address this, whether it’s through medication, meditation, whatever does the trick.
To be fair it sounds like you’re just working under a small business tyrant at the moment. Are other colleagues just not making the same mistakes you are? Or do they not get yelled at for making mistakes?
If you feel there is a difference in treatment, make sure to take contemporaneous notes every day. This could be the difference between like $20k of unemployment and $0. You know what, fuck it, even if everyone is equally yelled at, take contemporaneous notes.
If you suck ass at the job and you’re not getting fired then who cares (other than you)?
Someone at that job is clearly trying to make the poster feel bad about themselves. That alone makes leaving the job worthwhile.
I feel shitty about myself at my job too, but at least where I work nobody is constantly trying to make me feel worse on purpose.
“You can only suck ass at every shot you make”
-Michael A. Jordan
