I have never felt more useless and stupid than since I’ve started this job. I got this job because my academic job fell through and I didn’t have any other prospects and I needed money fast. But every time I feel I’ve done progress in doing the most basic shit I get reprimanded because clearly I forgot something or I did something wrong. I thought It was part of the learning curve but after 6 months I have realized it’s just that I’m shit at this job, and it’s getting to me. I now get so anxious walking into work that my stomach spasms because I’m certain I will get reminded that I’m shit and that I’m worthless. The business owner keeps yelling at me and I can’t take it anymore. I’m going through a depressive crisis and I can’t handle taking care of myself beyond eating and basic hygiene. I don’t have any other options lined up, I might go homeless, but I can’t take it anymore.
I can’t even go back to academic jobs because last time I had an adhd flareup and depression I couldn’t finish a project so now I’ve been burned because nobody will ever vouch for me anymore.
Maybe I’ll just die and be done with it.
Whatever you decide, you’re not alone in this. So many people have to endure bullshit like this. You’re not useless or stupid, you’re just one of countless people who are being bullied by a narcissistic asshole in a position of power. You’re worth a million times more than someone like that. I know people with ADHD and depression in academia. Maybe you can go back, maybe lie and say it was for whatever reason. I wish you somehow time to heal and collect your strength before you look for the next shitty job, that’s hopefully at least less shitty than this one.