I have never felt more useless and stupid than since I’ve started this job. I got this job because my academic job fell through and I didn’t have any other prospects and I needed money fast. But every time I feel I’ve done progress in doing the most basic shit I get reprimanded because clearly I forgot something or I did something wrong. I thought It was part of the learning curve but after 6 months I have realized it’s just that I’m shit at this job, and it’s getting to me. I now get so anxious walking into work that my stomach spasms because I’m certain I will get reminded that I’m shit and that I’m worthless. The business owner keeps yelling at me and I can’t take it anymore. I’m going through a depressive crisis and I can’t handle taking care of myself beyond eating and basic hygiene. I don’t have any other options lined up, I might go homeless, but I can’t take it anymore.
I can’t even go back to academic jobs because last time I had an adhd flareup and depression I couldn’t finish a project so now I’ve been burned because nobody will ever vouch for me anymore.
Maybe I’ll just die and be done with it.
Not really, where I live depression and adhd (as least as considered by the person who did my assessment) aren’t considered disabling, and disability is awarded to people according to a %. You don’t qualify to any income assistance unless your disability is over 50%, and none of my mental health professionals have thought I qualify for any % disability.
Sorry to hear that. I’ve had immense trouble keeping my benefits. In the end I got the Citizens Advice Bureau to fill out all my forms for me, my local MP to intervene, plus asking every single medical professional and a local social worker for a letter of support (some came through, some didn’t). It’s ridiculous how difficult they make it for disabled people to get a scrap of help and I’m still in debt due to having to live on credit for so long while going through the appeal. Is there anyone where you are like citizens advice who can help? It’s designed to get people to give up at the first hurdle, if you persevere you might be in with a chance.