I have never felt more useless and stupid than since I’ve started this job. I got this job because my academic job fell through and I didn’t have any other prospects and I needed money fast. But every time I feel I’ve done progress in doing the most basic shit I get reprimanded because clearly I forgot something or I did something wrong. I thought It was part of the learning curve but after 6 months I have realized it’s just that I’m shit at this job, and it’s getting to me. I now get so anxious walking into work that my stomach spasms because I’m certain I will get reminded that I’m shit and that I’m worthless. The business owner keeps yelling at me and I can’t take it anymore. I’m going through a depressive crisis and I can’t handle taking care of myself beyond eating and basic hygiene. I don’t have any other options lined up, I might go homeless, but I can’t take it anymore.
I can’t even go back to academic jobs because last time I had an adhd flareup and depression I couldn’t finish a project so now I’ve been burned because nobody will ever vouch for me anymore.
Maybe I’ll just die and be done with it.
This sucks to hear. Sounds like you’re in a downward spiral with no end in sight. Honestly I’ve no clue how to help you out. I wish I could say that you’re a human and your life isn’t defined by your job, I don’t know if I even believe that. The way life is setup right now it’s definitely hard to go thru it without a job. I would say don’t give it your all at your job, but I know people who can’t take that advice either…