Sounds to me like you just dodged a bullet, mate.
Absolutely. Anyone willing to treat a stranger this way is unequivocally a shitbag.
She will die alone, whether she is married or not.
i’ve rejected plenty of women. i’ve never mocked them while doing it. it’s not hard to reject people politely.
i also used to get rejected politely… but i’ll admit that the past few years people have started rejecting me really rudely. for some reason post pandemic a lot of people entitled to be a raging assholes.
Going to a bar to meet someone was the first problem. It’s far better to try to meet people in public places that don’t involve alcohol, drugs and loud music.
Uh, maybe bars work differently in your neck of the woods, but that sounds more like a nightclub to me. Alcohol in reasonable amounts - sure, but I generally wouldn’t expect either drugs or loud music in any bar around here.
Hey Anon, you did great!
In this situation, as in many in life, Judo rules apply: Go with the punch, don’t push against it.
This was a win, you just need to recognize it as that.- you proved yourself that you have lots of courage
- you were not a creep when talking to a stranger
- you dodged a bullet with that woman.
- you tried something new. (might not have worked out at the first try, but can’t really expect to be that lucky)
keep it up, don’t lose heart, you’ll find your match.
Great comment, cold approaching in any situation can be intimidating but at the end of the day the worst that can happen is they say “no”. And then you can go home and get high or drunk or whatever and not care. Each rejection hurts a little less each time.
I mean, better solution is to go hang with your friends and commiserate. Which, imo, is always something dating advice seems to avoid talking about. Dating is hard. Having a solid social support system to pick you back up again is crucial.
Nah but for real if some random stranger at a bar overheard me saying I’m single and then came up to me and my friends like that I would be a little creeped out too.
I wouldn’t be mean about it, but I definitely wouldn’t say yes.
This is definitely one of those ‘creepy if ugly’ moments. If he was a handsome guy, it would be romantic and has almost definitely happened in a million Hallmark movies.
If he was handsome it would still be creepy
Listening in on conversations is creepy, no matter how good-looking a person is.
And that stuff happens in movies doesn’t mean it isn’t creepy in real-life.
Handsome/Ugly is in the eye of the person, remember. Just because one person found you not attractive, doesn’t mean they all do.
Fuck Hallmark movies, Don’t make me vomit
Of course everyone is entitled to have their own opinion of what is beautiful. But there are some pretty obvious statistical convergences.
Sure, but personally, I don’t give a fuck about that. I don’t find conventionally attractive people, good looking. They don’t do it for me. And If I, just one person feels this way, and I’ve met other’s like this too, there must be more.
Just tryin to put that beacon of hope out.
Sure. But I think it is better to set realistic expectations. After all, it you don’t expect much, then you won’t feel so bad when it doesn’t manifest. With false hope, you are crushed each time your hopes don’t meet reality. In the long run, realistic expectations serve us better because we can see how our efforts lead us to the results we desire.
This isn’t to say that conventionally unattractive people should give up all hope and dispair. It just means they should temper their expectations relative to their more attractive counterparts, and should focus on things which are within their circle of control, like fitness, grooming, style, lifestyle, mindset, and number of people talked to.
You are probably not wrong, super attractive people can get away with cringy things. Wouldn’t be a good strategy for an average looking person, however.
It’s not so much creepy if ugly, so much as creepy if not confident.
And the way to become confident in something is to do it a bunch of times.
Lesson being, it’s okay if someone thinks you’re creepy. You’re just in the process of developing a new skill.
Impossible. It’s the females!
*insert Skinner meme*
Not even if I was a two headed Brad Pitt with the body of the strongest Chris?
That’s when you go “Oh Okay, I can see why your single” and walk away like a boss
No wonder she’s single.
“Sorry, from across the bar I couldn’t see how ugly your personality was. It all makes sense now.”
I mean, considering there’s a 100% chance this is just a fantasy in anon’s head I’d say she dodged a bullet.
What makes you think that the girl is even real?
What makes you think that girls are even real?
Everyone on the internet is either a man or a dog.
woof
Nice try. We know you’re a frog!
Im a cat :3
not true, some of us are cats
** Meow **
You son of a removed, I’m in.
Well, I’m taking estrogen, so they’re about to become real
If you can’t get a big tiddy goth gf, become the big tiddy goth gf.
First the birds, then the girls?
Hmmm… I remember an old lesson from the ancient times of the Internet, now long forgotten:
“Girl” is an acronym for “Guy In Real Life”.
Checkmate; girls are a social construct!
What makes you think?
Tits or gtfo
Well played
Fake: Anon left the house
Gay: Anon was a girl this whole time
The comments on here make me glad I’m aromantic.
I misread that as aromatic and was quite confused.
Look, I might be a bit aromatic sometimes, but no, that’s not what I meant.
They reproduce by spreading spores like Rob Lowe’s character on The Orville
“Glad I smell good reading this”
Yeah. It turns out a bunch of tech obsessed nerds aren’t the most socially well adjusted.
Reddit is even better than this.
As a lesbian leaning pansexual, I keep asking the question “are straights okay”
If I linked to the data showing that f/f couples have higher domestic violence than either m/f or m/m couples and then said ‘I keep asking “are lesbians okay”’, would you not think that a callous and insensitive thing to say, implying that it’s majority or typical behavior for lesbians?
Then I would tell you you’re not original, we’ve all seen that “data” and it doesn’t say what you think it says so you can’t read. I’d also remind you reactions like that are why you’re single.
I am a straight and look how not okay I am
I know the study you mean and you’re misrepresenting it. It asks people who identify as lesbian whether they have experienced domestic abuse at all, and concludes they’re more likely to answer ‘yes’ than straight women.
But that alone doesnt say who is doing the abuse. Remember lesbians often date men before coming out. When asking whether the perpetrator was male or female and separating the data, the stats shifted. Lesbians experienced less DV from their female partners than straight women do from their male ones.
Women are also capable of abuse of course, but a large amount of the DV lesbians received was still from men.
Marginalized groups have no problem acting in the exact way they expect others not to about them.
No, they are not. (As a straight person by most definitions probably)
I enjoy working and making things. I find being intellectually stimulated almost as satisfying as being happy or anything else. You have absolutely no idea how much of a super power being an aromatic asexual would be for me. I’d be unstoppable, lol.
I think I know what you’re getting at, I wouldn’t necessarily call myself asexual though, as I do watch… naughty things (I’m too lazy to look up rules, I’m not shy in that respect) I just waste a lot of time getting informed on politics instead, so no guarantees for more free time😉
Welcome to being Greysexual, my friend!
My wife identifies as this. It really suits them. They do experience sexual arousal, but it’s rare, though it’s not repulsive either.
That does make you on the asexual spectrum. You ARE asexual.
I would tend to agree, I’m just not really interested in discussion definitions and I think argueing I’m not aromantic is hard (except for my family of course).
Does that mean you get turned on by smelly stuff?
No that’s automatic. They mean antioxidant.
Dude, why are you upset? You dodged a delusional bullet right there. Her response to explained everything about why she is alone. The proper comeback would have been, “Well, if THAT’S your response to a perfectly reasonable offer, then I’m not desperate either.” Shuck it off, brother.
You won’t die alone, she will. Or better yet, she’ll marry the first dope that proposes, no matter how unsuitable they are, and have a miserable life.
You could meet someone tomorrow, and be in a fun relationship by the end of the year, but you have to keep trying. It’s a numbers game, keep taking your turns at bat, you’ll get lots of strikes, but you’ll get on base a few times, too.
I’m proud of you, brother. You took a HUGE swing with that attempt, and struck out, but at least you didn’t go down watching the ball speed past you. That’s far more than most guys would ever do. I guarantee that we were all reading your story, and pulling for you, and when you got shot down, so did we. If we’d been there, we’d all be buying you beers, and celebrating your courage, and you wouldn’t have been crying in the parking lot.
Get back in the game, nobody ever scored from the bench.
“Oh, sorry, you seemed so desperately moaning about being alone, I was feeling charitable. Have a GREAT life with that lol…”
I can’t imagine why no one would want her with that shining personality
Reminds me of the guy who dmed me that he wanted to touch my boobs in broken english. I made fun of him so hard that he started calling me “mean” and stopped texting me
What if I DM you in perfect English?
Ehh that is not why I meant fun of him
Many such cases.
In what ways did you make fun of him?
About wanting to touch my boobs and the manner he insisted
Right, I was hoping more specificity for the lolz. It’s fine if you don’t want to share though, no pressure. 🙇♂️
Did he say Bob and Vegane?
Guy’s a creepo, gal puts people down unnecessarily. Both will unwillingly die alone.
Why is the guy a creep?
He’s not a creep, but he has the emotional intelligence of an insurance investigator.
“Hi, you sound needy and vulnerable” is a rough starting point for a pickup line. He clearly didn’t mean it as an insult, but it’s not hard to imagine a woman in that situation being embarrassed, feeling exposed, and being insulted by the implication that this guy might be trying to capitalize on her moment of vulnerability.
Hurt-people hurt people.
why do you want me to hurt people though? which people do i hurt?
Dear Hurt-people,
I want to clarify; that was a statement about human nature. It was not, and should not be interpreted as, advice or a call to action.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
dark humor, dark humor.
What he says boils down to “I was eavesdropping your conversation, and I assume you’re desperate. You might as well lower your standards — date someone random you have no connections with, like me.” It’s bad; not bad enough to deserve that rude reply, but still bad.
A better approach would be to try to pick up a woman who’s alone, offer her a drink*, chitchat a bit, and then ask her for a date. With no references to what she said to other people. Creating some connection between him and her, before he asks her out.
*always ask the bar workers to bring it. Don’t bring it yourself.
A better approach would be to try to pick up a woman who’s alone, offer her a drink*,
A bit of a tangent, but I really hate this. Not meaning to call you out, this is a really common recommendation for an icebreaker and it’s also reinforced by popular media and the like, but it always feels to me like the implication is that if a man wants to approach a woman, they must buy something for them as part of that process. Like it’s a transaction fee to be given a chance.
I agree, but the location was a bar. Kinda normal at a bar.
I get your reasoning, but personally I never interpreted it as a transaction fee. It’s more like a token of good will; I do something similar when I find friends in a bar, too.
The main gender problematic I see is:
- If a woman approaches a man with a drink, society immediately labels both sides as bad.
- In some cases she’d be better off approaching a bear, but she won’t know it until it’s too late.
In some cases she’d be better off approaching a bear, but she won’t know it until it’s too late.
Sometimes he’d be better off approaching a bear, too, and also won’t know it until it’s too late. This isn’t a gender thing, this is just a “some people are shitty” thing.
amen. god forbid we acknowledge there are shitty people in the world, and their gender is irrelevant to their shittness.
i date actively.
most women expect you to pay your way into their company. in my city they had a poll, 80% of women expected a man to pay for a nice (expensive) first date otherwise he wasn’t worth dating. only 20% of women disagreed with this.
They also polled the men. The male split was 60/40. The hosts on the show where they did the poll had their mind blown how rabidly sexist the women were and immediately went on about how stupid it was and how men and women should each pay their own way until a relationship is established.
Can I get a link to this study, by chance?
Do you think it’s purely just sexism, or do you think it maybe has something to do with the strategy women must employ to protect themselves from being assaulted by strangers?
Is the implication, then, that people with money are never dangerous individuals?
No, not never, but a monetary barrier probably does filter out some bad actors. Not all of course, and it probably filters out some good actors too unfortunately. But with the amount of assaults women are faced with, I understand why they feel the need to be somewhat choosy.
how does expecting a guy to buy you a $200 dinner prevent him from assaulting you?
or are you saying if a guy can only buy you a $20 drink, or doesn’t buy you a drink, he’s dangerous and awful?
because that shit is not only sexist, it’s classist. the assumption that wealthy people are morally better people is patently wrong.
Yeah, if anything, I feel like a guy paying $200 for a meal would expect something in return and might get aggressive.
It really does ring faintly of a “poor people are dangerous” kind of note.
Nah you’re missing the point. The problem is that men assault women disproportionately. That’s what needs to be called out as sexism, that’s what needs addressed, that’s what needs to change.
What does buying their dinner have to do with protecting them from being assaulted? If anything the guy paying for everything is going to be more likely to expect something in return.
Yeah, I think the way it was handled in the greentext was way more natural and sincere. No idea why it’s considered creepy. Buying some random woman a drink is just cringy.
Nah its not creepy. Its perfectly fine to ask her out like that she just didnt want it and rejected him in a bit of an over the top way. Whole thing is no issue. If you are gonna randomly strike up conversations you will get cooked sometimes.
“I’ve been listening to your conversation” is not a good way to start. There are some exceptions, but even then you’re starting on thin ice and have to ease into it.
You shouldnt have to rehearse the perfect line that is impossible to be offended by just to talk to a stranger. We aren’t robots. We dont always hit 100% of the time. We stumble and overextend. Expectations have gotten out of hand.
you are allowed to stumble on the first line. and it may come off poorly. and if it does the other person is perfectly valid for not wanting to engage further. therefore if you want the other person to continue to engage, you should try not to come off poorly. this isn’t some newfangled social phenomenon, it’s how basic human interaction has worked for millennia
You did a thing where you almost said something but then turned around and didnt.
I couldn’t help but overhear you and your loud as fuck, half-drunk friends….
“I couldn’t help but hear your drunken rantings.”
Asking her out would be fine; the problem, as I already explained, is how. However I do agree with you that her answer was over the top, a simple “No.” would be the best.
Whole thing is no issue.
It was clearly an issue to the Anon, check the last paragraph.
If you are gonna randomly strike up conversations you will get cooked sometimes.
He wasn’t just striking up a conversation.
Additionally (and that’s neither side’s fault), mob mentality is a plague. She was in a group of four people; people typically behave worse in groups than alone.
It’s not eavesdropping. They were having a public conversation at a fucking bar - a place where plenty of people go in attempts to meet new people… If it was a private convo (one that can be eavesdropped on) that’s different. If it was a private conversation, they shouldn’t have been at a location where it’s normal to try flirting with strangers.
Paying too much attention on the others’ conversations, even in a public environment, is creepy.
If someone is sitting by themselves at a bar, it should be assumed they’re listening to everything around them unless they’re wearing earbuds. Have some general awareness of reality.
you forgot the part where he sat there for 3 hours alone, nervous and sweating, and periodically staring at the women… then he interrupted a group talking to ask on of them on a date, skipping the part where you introduce yourself and other standard interaction where you gauge someone’s interest before asking….
op was probably also extremely obese, had a neckbeard, a fedora, and hasn’t showered in a month….
then he just stood next to them silently shaking, until they paid attention… then he said his line… mumbling, while staring intently at the girl’s breasts….
i made up a lot but the point is there’s a lot more to it than this fictional story lets on…people are also loud as fuck. almost anytime i am at a bar i’m forced to listen to people’s convos because they are SCREAMING at each other. very few people are talking quietly to each other such that you can’t hear them, and if they are doing that, you’re not going to hear them.
of course the obnoxious loud people are the very same type who are going to tell you how creepy it is you are listening to them. the only way you can’t listen to them is if you had noise cancelling headphones in.
That’s damn many assumptions
Not really assumptions, but how it sounds like, in the context of a social setting. Or, if you want: that’s how people “read” it.
Can’t think of a time where I’ve ever seen a woman at a bar alone.
I’ve seen it plenty, plenty times. Because I was looking for it. That was my “plan A” strategy when I still bothered dating; it works great as long as you know to be assertive without being pushy. (Some people want to be left alone, some only want to chitchat, both things are fine and you should respect that.)
My “plan B” was relying on connections, but that relies on luck. For example:
- you go to the bar with A
- A is acquainted with B, who’s drinking with C
- You say “hey, what if we all drink together?”
Then you have some room to at least know B and/or C better. And potentially ask one of them out.
Odds are my “plan B” is not viable for Anon, though - does he even have friends to go to the bar with?
As opposed to all of the [dating people you have connections with] that happens all the time these days?
If you’re trying to say something like “you have connections, unlike all of the dating people”: that is not what I said. Everybody has at least some connections; it’s all about how you use them to know more people.
If you mean something else, please explain - I’m genuinely struggling to parse your sentence.
This is stupid and you should feel bad.
You don’t go up to someone and say hey I was listening to you complain about wanting a guy, how about me? and expect a good response.
“hey, I was just reading you complain about someone, fancy going out on a lemmydate* sometime??”
*I don’t actually want to think what a Lemmy date would entail
A nice chat about the merits of Arch Linux and a long kneesock showcase.
sorry m8 u aren’t the one for me 😭
I’m a Lubuntu normie soz
Because he spoke to a stranger that didn’t want him to speak to them.
Because he spoke to a stranger that didn’t want him to speak to them.
Don’t be disingenuous. That is not even remotely close to what I said.
Not bothering further with you.
I guess this means the date’s off and you’re going to die alone?
I don’t know what you said. My response was general.
I mean this is probably fake ragebait for the 4chan crowd
Is it? I’ve known girls like this
Not to say this is a woman’s issue, men can be assholes too, bit this is just the risk of approaching human beings
Pro tip: when people are with their friends they might feel the need to show off how cool they are or something, promoting responses like these. In my personal experiences, when in groups, kids and young adults tend to behave much more like an asshole whereas when they’re alone all of the sudden they behave like themselves.
If this is a true story, had he approached buyer alone, she might still have rejected him but have not been such a bitch about it
Bad advice. Approaching a woman along lowers your chances dramatically. If so meme wants to date you, they will say yes with their friends around.
You’re thinking high school.
I don’t know why someone would think this is just a story. Probably 66% of men have had similar experiences, been told that while the woman may be in the market, they aren’t in the market for YOU. Guys like us get the message very early on that we are NOT what women are looking for. We have to make up for it in either earning potential or humor, or desperation by their female counterparts.
I’ve known girls like this
Sure. Rich, gorgeous, and constantly looking for someone who reminds them of their father.
If this is a true story, had he approached buyer alone
It’s not, he didn’t, and the real killer lead in is to tell the woman you accept bitcoin as payment.
Now we know why she’s single
I assumed they laughed at her because she actually IS that desperate but in denial about it.
The amount of people that assume laughter is directed at them in a scenario like this instead of the friend or even just a reaction to something uncomfortable is too high.
