I struggled with behavior very similar to yours, especially during a stressful time in my twenties.

“so me raising my voice or just exasperatedly saying “fuck”, not at him, but at the thing, is really upsetting to him. I don’t see the big deal because my mother is a fucking cyclone of screaming and chaos so I’m very tame in comparison.”

I’ve said this exact thing, goodness.

Well here’s the thing, even if you’re not yelling at anyone in particular, being in the presence of someone yelling into the void, even from frustration, comes off aggressive and can be scary to a bystander regardless of intention. It took me far too long to figure this out. I really mean it, if you were in a room with someone slamming shit and screaming fuck loudly, would you feel comfortable? A lot of growth happened when I realized I was affecting the people around me negatively despite it not being directed at them. …Too damn long to learn this…

I think back to these similar outbusts and think, I was crying for help. In those moments, I felt so overwhelmed and frustrated I just wanted help. For me, that’s what I was trying to communicate. Showing frustration in the most raw form freaks most people out.

If your goal is communicate for support, find words to do so.

Can’t find the words until you deal with the blood rage from irritation. Still to this day when I’m feeling like this, the easiest thing I have found is to remove myself from my immediate environment and right away.

For simple example, come home with the groceries, realize something has gone wrong, you got the wrong item. It always feels so catastrophic doesn’t it? Put the wrong item from the store on the counter and head to an outdoor space. Just don’t do anything but get yourself to a physical, literal, happy place you’ve chosen. I like my porch and my back yard. But any place thats objectively different from where you currently stand. If you’re outside, go inside, or vice versa I will straight up put myself in time out, but somewhere that will feel clam.

The idea is to engage your logical brain over your emotional.

Environmental change is the easiest way to do this I find. Meltdowns are tough to navigate because they feel right. Idk, today I can sense it coming and just do this. I leave all screens behind and find someplace with solace. Birdwatching for ten minutes will do the trick for me. Maybe listen to a certain playlist. But the goal is to engage the logical mind, and lower your blood pressure from exploding. Sometimes this practice only turns the rage to sad. But sad doesnt scare my people, disregulated overstimulation does.

Idk I’m no professional, I too still go to therapy weekly. It’s tough out there.

I wish I could have learned to manage this when I was younger, but alas, maybe It could help you

Best of luck out there, I apologize I word vomitted here a bit, excuse me

I met my husband on Plenty of fish. I dont know about red flags, because the obvious have been pointed out.

But in my first conversation with him on the app was just him sharing photos of his cat. I thought it was super corny but rolled with it, because I love cats, who doesn’t, and I had just rescued a cat (first time pet owner) a few months prior myself. I definitely remember thinking, this dude is a corn ball, though.

We texted a few weeks about everything and anything. He never disappeared for days or weeks, we texted constantly. He never brought up sex, or any sexy talk in that time. Completely respectful, we chatted like good friends.

Then on our first date we went on a really long walk, and I felt safe enough to go back to his place where I got to meet his cat. It was then, I noticed how much he spoiled his cat. It was beyond sweet. He babies this boy, told me how he was the only kitten to survive his litter, how he spent thousands at the vet when he was a kitten, even sleeping with the kitten on the bathroom floor for weeks while they went through it. And now grown, the kitty was just a massive ahole just as cats should be.

He also never pressured me for anything physical. Not once did he ever make an objective comment about me other than “You look nice, you have pretty eyes”. We did goodbye hugs for the first, idk, 3-4 weeks of dating. I initiated the first kiss around week 4/5. Then he took me on a weekend trip to the beach where we made “us” official and we slept together the first time. Amazing.

Green flags everywhere.

Anyway, our 8 year anniversary is next fall, and its all because I saw how much he loved and cared for his cat.

What does natter mean?

I’m having a hard time right now. I’ve put myself in time out, and I don’t know where to reach to. I feel so frustrated, cornered and stuck. I’m completely out of control of having the space, time, energy to be my own person.

I was traumatized in my early years, through my teen years, and thank to getting caught up in a dv relationship, again in my 20s.

I’ve a son who has ADHD, ODD, and contuct disorder. You bet, child of the dv. I’ve done it own my own, we haven’t seen my kids father since he was 14months old. Better off, happier, met my dear love 7 years ago. I have my little family and I love all of it. My son loves his stepdad, they bond over a love of baseball, and happy we are together us three.

Cept, see, oppositional defiance disorder, and contuct disorder are not entry level mental health conditions. The last six months have been brutal.

It’s his 12 birthday today, his teacher called me, today, why today, with bad news of his behavior this week, and my brother, who I hardly talk to, is … I think in a nice way, telling me all the awesome things he’s doing as a single, with good employment, no kids guy. And … I just deleted my last two paragraphs talking about the whys. I don’t need to explain my truth bare now.

I just feel frustrated, cornered and stuck. My life choices led me here. Tryig my best my whole life and the world around me is so bleak.

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Yeah I get that. I also wasnt allowed to pierce my ears. My step father was old old school. Had to do skirt checks and everything. My sister wore shorts one time and he called her a whore :(

I started cutting my hair myself in highschool. My stupid ass stepfather thought it just didn’t grow lmao

Sucks we can’t get those days back, but I hope today you are able to do as you please.

Honestly, and I’ll edit to add direct links, Read the Boy Scout Law and the the Girl Scout Law

Boys are stated to be leaders and “fight for their country” and take pride as such. Girls are state to be public servants and put others ahead of themselves. Pretty gross when I was looking into it a few months back

Girl Scout Law

Boy Scout Law

Hey there! You weren’t allowed to cheerlead, I was forced to when I wanted to play football, but I wasnt allowed to play football.

I also wasn’t allowed to ride quads or dirtbikes, or cut my hair or skateboard.

It sucked because my girl cousins got to, one of my cousins was the only female football player in our town. My stepfather wouldn’t let me do any of it though.

He taught me how to “be a good wife” however… Ugh. I feel you. I let my son be interested in whatever he chooses today. It’s not hard to do.

Shit I’ll celebrate a sunny day when my whole family is home by simply preparing a nice dinner for us and spending time together, happy and joyful. I’ll sing until I’ve annoyed everyone and we laugh, just because the sun is out and I’m in a good mood. Good moods are worth celebrating as they don’t come everyday

Plenty of things to celebrate if you look small. I hope you find something small to celebrate soon!

We have a very old, super popular Italian bakery near me. They have chocolate florotine cookies (my favorite) and other amazing treats.

I do the same, and will stop in there for a special occasion.

Nothing has really gone well this week, nor has it gone bad (as long as I don’t think about democracy falling in my country).

However both my flower and veggie garden are currently popping off in such a beautiful way right now. Walking the yard in the mornings is an absolute delight this week

When I was 20, I moved in with my then boyfriend, and his two buddies. It was a three bedroom apartment, one guy had left and we took his room. So the two (three) buddies had been in this apartment over a year when one moved out and I, the only woman, moved in with my bf.

Three men in this apartment and me, all aged 20-25. Two whom had lived there definitely over a year, maybe even two. The kitchen was full of unpacked boxes, and crap just everywhere. They had a path from the back (main) door, through the kitchen and into the living room. Like a worked out path in a hoarder house. The living room was slightly better, but covered in fast food litter, soda/beer bottles, pot head ashtrays… And I will not describe the bathroom. It was disgusting.

I spent my first week cleaning. Days of cleaning. I went through the boxes, asked everyone what they wanted to keep, motivated them to take what they want and find a better spot for it, threw out what they didnt want. I put away the dishes and found homes for the stuff I could clearly tell their mom’s gave them to make house, and used set things out nice. I cleaned the living room and the bathroom.

Now, I had to mop. I had to do the dishes. These guys here, had a portable dishwasher they were using. They told me the kitchen sink was broken for the last 9months. We had a slumlord, so no help there. I said, I’m going to look at this sink and see whats wrong. We cant live without a kitchen sink. Well, maybe they could, but I couldn’t. So,

I clean out the cabinets under the sink, moldy cleaning bottles, molded cardboard, wet plastic bags. Disgusting work. Get it cleaned out and get to looking at the plumbing. There are multiple rags, now molded, tied around one pipe. I start to pull them off. They just disintegrate as I pull them off. Gross, so gross but I do it. Clean it up, and look at the pipe.

Y’all. Three men in this house, and all I do is see the pipe is out of its fitting. I push the pipe into its fitting and tighten the screw thing thats around it. Sink fixed. There was no leak, the pipe was just out of its fitting. 9 months with no kitchen sink, and minus the cleaning time, it took me less than a minute to fix it. I will never forget that day.

After that, the guys treated me like a mom and would clean up slightly better after themselves, but I did all the cleaning. I do miss cooking them food, they always loved it when I cooked for them, and just those compliments alone were enough for me. But that fucking sink will go down in my own history forever, and I gave them shit for it at least a month.

I remember a few weeks later, one of the girlfriends came over, “oh I was going to clean up, it looks so nice now”. She didn’t live there, why should this dudes girl have to clean an apartment she doesn’t live? I have absolutely gone to a boyfriend’s apartment who has male roommates and like, cleaned the bathroom just so I could use it looking crazy cleaning the bathroom 8pm on a Saturday night hang sesh. So I get it, but like … Anyway

My son cleans his own bathroom now, so he can’t say he doesnt know how. Also if you always put the toilet seat lid completely down everytime, everyone has to lift it the same, and everyone has to put it back down again just the same, and you don’t get shit particles on your toothbrush when you flush, swirling that shit into the air. Everyone should close the lid completely after use, it’s fair and hygenic.

I think its sweet you care so much and try to sneak in chores to help.

A lot of times I can’t get to the less frequent chores, like cleaning the shower or dusting the ceiling fans because I’m tied up with daily stuff like dishes, sweeping and laundry.

You’re helping more than you think you are, and it’s sweet

Everyone here seems to be talking about co-ops… And I’m really confused by the conversation in this thread, alas,

I worked for some years for a manufacturing company that was 100% employee owned. We were a multinational manufacturer for: wire and cable, aerospace, and medical. The company began around 1972, started the EO process in the early 90’s becoming 100% employee owned by 2000.

The [National Center for Employee Ownership] (nceo.org) is a good resource for businesses looking at employee ownership. The most common ESOPs are manufacturing companies in the states last I heard at one of the nceo conferences.

The obstacles that I see, is that most companies have Investors. Obviously we all know what the investors want as they own the stock. It takes a generous leadership/company founder to sell their stock to the company for employee ownership. It’s a long process with lawyers and other legal hurdles. Not impossible, but finding generosity in the white collar business class, especially today, is not common it seems. You must have initial generosity and care for your employees from the initial owners. They decide to go employee owned or not. They either see the investment EO is, or they keep greedy.

The founder of the EO I worked for sold his last stock to the company for the same price he sold his first stock (which in the ten-ish years it took to get to 100% EO, raised considerably).

Profit sharing is dope. Basically we all got an extra large paycheck every quarter. This company I worked for paid $3-$4 more per hour to start than any other manufacturing company in the area, and bennies began the day you were hired. They literally held financial literacy classes for all employees, to better understand our financial reports, as the company was super transparent. They believed that the best ideas come from the ones running the machines, and the founder often could be found sweeping floors of his shops to better know his employees and their struggles. In 2019, the company stock was valued at over $6K a share.

The original owner passed away, then covid hit, (I left) then the leadership changed to new people who never met the founder. It’s gone down hill since. Im to be paid out this year, and the stock is half was it was when I left. I still carry a card with the original founders mission and values listed for the company. That card is no longer what they follow. It’s been sad to see.

However, I still believe Employee Ownership is a solid pathway to restoring the middle class.

Folks who began in the 90s were retiring after 25 years with the company with $1-$2 million dollars in their esop accounts alone. I know what a Roth IRA is, what it means to diversify, and what dividends are all because of this company’s financial literacy classes.

It also is possible a company becomes too big to support the EO model. This company was hitting that point around the time I left, they told us “we’re hiring lawyers to make sure that it doesn’t happen”, but as I’ve watched the stock price drop year over year, yeah bet-

I make frijoles charros (or a version with less/no meat), I just call em spicy beans, and enjoy them with cheese an corn chips.

Rice and beans standard dont need cheese, but cheese and beans are great

Are beans …not the protein source?

I actually kind of hollered at the ACLU. I did a one time, small donation a few months ago. I am poor folk.

They have been blowing me up since. I ended up picking up the line on a sunday (I’m sorry, I’m not religious, but don’t business call me on a fucking sunday). It might have been Saturday, statement stands either way.

But I was about to have a panic attack. This woman on the other line let me know she was wofh the ACLU and looking for donations or whatever, but I gave her the news. I’m poor, you are blowing up my phone, I gave a one time donation to do my part and now I feel attacked. You want more and more and more, and I can’t. I said, this behavior from y’all makes me regret donating. She tired to say something, I just repeated, I can’t do this, please don’t call me, and hung up.

These politicians in their photos wear suits that probably cost as much as my entire wardrobe, it’s rude to beg money like this. I hate it.

I lost an immigrant friend to maga. He got on with the anti-lgbtq rhetoric apparently, and also explained to me how many of the Caribbean island people and South American country folks, were all racist against one another. I guess no harm saying he was from Trinidad, and personally he disliked the Puerto Ricans and the Mexicans. Obviously I stopped talking to him.

Every so often I think about how he moved here when he was 14. He didnt get the same early education I did, and I truly believe it had a massive impact on how he chose to vote, that and fucking religion.

I tried to argue he was following his colonizers religion, but got no where.

I still dont understand why they all choose to follow the “white mans” religion, whos place of founding was on the otherside of the world, they stole so many South American cultures and replaced it with white washed religion. Im probably ignorant- but I dont understand that part at all.

Anyway, I sometimes wonder what the friend thinks today. But also, I don’t care. Hate isn’t supposed to have a home in the US, we’re a melting pot. Thats what I was taught in like the 5th grade Ffs

I worked at four US manufacturing gigs before landing at an Employee Owned Company that actually paid living wage ($19/hr to start with benefits).

Prior to that, these four manufacturing companies I was hired at paid minimum wage, you were lucky to get a ten cent raise after a year. The work was grueling, health insurance was basically nothing, no paid time off, just shit conditions with mandatory overtime and zero workers’ rights.

Not to mention something like injection molding or QA off a line and into a box, is the most boring work there is. I hate injection molding. Even the aerospace department at my decent paid EO company was repetitive boring work, but at least they cared about ergonomics an employee well-being. This is not true in the majority of manufacturing.

There are some decent manufacturing jobs in the US, but the ratio of decent paid “good” ones, to shit companies who just beat every ounce of labor out of you before you destroy your body to pay you pennies is not great. Worker Unions and Employee Owned companies are where it’s at, but there is less of them than shit manufacturing companies beholden to their white collar, red tie shareholders.

Edit, for expamle, I actually got laid off by a company making car parts two weeks before Christmas. I was just temping there, had been four months. They told me they really liked my work, I was one of the better employees (wasnt hard at this place, the night shift all drank on the job and half the day folks didn’t give af). I wasnt going to stay with the company anyway, I just needed work for that winter. So they complimented my work ethic and skill, and then told me, a 26 year old single mom to one, that they had to lay me off because they couldnt afford to hire me until the new year, sorry its just before Christmas. This company was running more than half the year in the red.

Annoying as hell. I went back to the temp agency and they found me a job for a different company just for two weeks, cutting back scrap for this other company. I said sure. This new company was the employee owned one. I got lucky, one of the guys in the department was on thin ice already, so when it came out he was sharing a disgusting misogynist nickname for both me and the only other female (engineer) in the department, he got fired as his last strike. Guess who swooped in to take his job? Guess who got to smuggly tell the staffing agency there was no fucking way I was going back to the car parts place when they asked about me in January :)

Trump may have never happened if the fucking dnc supported bernie in 2016…

I’ve hooked a trailer to my fuckin jetta, my sister still has a trailer hooked to her civic. There are other countries that have workers who do the same thing you are doing, but with practical sized vehicles.

Growing up we had a 1950’s model ford, and a 1990’s Chevy s-10 as our two farm trucks. I drove that S10 starting at 11 years old. We had the big tractor and the little one. More than enough to get the job done. Dont know why you’d want to move used oil in the same truck you drive to the clinc, but that’s a choice.

I grew up likely with similar people/way of life you did and yet my opinion is different. Doesn’t mean I’m not informed. My jetta pulled a motor boat to a lake. Little vr6 with big fuckin balls. My sister is building her own house by hand, and uses her civic with a trailer. Other nations/cultures favor vans to harbor tools and such.

Im mostly seeing vanity trucks with four foot beds out in my small rural community, bordered by university “small city”. My redneck uncles back in the 90s even agreed extended cabs were for yuppies, and my god how the culture has changed.