Let’s have a lunch and learn!
Leadership at the company I work for started saying “let’s double click that” to mean let’s go into more detail on that topic. Hate it.
Also “let’s take this offline” which just means let’s have a different meeting about it, it’ll still be online because we’re all remote.
Oh snap I should have read more comments before posting about “double clicking”. I hate it.
I’ve been hearing “velocity” a lot recently and that also makes me cringe.
Also “let’s take this offline” which just means let’s have a different meeting about it, it’ll still be online because we’re all remote.
See, I would think that would mean for more individual discussion, as in “this isn’t relevant to this meeting, why don’t you and I talk about this after the meeting or at a later point.”
I think everyone has those coworkers who see meetings as an opportunity to ask about things with no relevance to anyone else in the room and makes everybody sit through 10 minutes (per discussion) about an issue that only pertains to them, instead of just going to the manager/whatever’s office in their own time to ask about their personal situation.
If it’s just to table it until another meeting, though, that doesn’t make any sense.
I think in many cases it results in separate discussion over slack, probably between managers but it still often ends up in a follow up meeting.
The first one is an Abomination unto Nuggan. I’m OK with the second one being used in a meeting to divert a topic that needs covered but is getting off tack.
In my experience, “take this offline” means they don’t want to have the discussion in front of present company.
For example, mentioning anything less-than-ideal in a meeting in front of large groups. It’s basically a thinly veiled way to control morale through selective information.
I guess it depends on the company, so far mine it’s just making more meetings but keeping the current one focused. I’m fine with that, just hate the expression because it only makes sense if the follow up meeting was in person but we’re all remote
Take it offline as in turning it off? “We’re taking the service offline” or “Let’s talk about this face to face?”
Nope, all in a teams meeting discussing something, topic diverges or becomes too complicated and is slowing the meeting. Manager says “let’s take this offline” or “we’ll discuss offline”. Keeps the meeting focused but I hate the phrase. It’s not offline because it’ll just be another teams meeting!
Do you have a better way to phrase it? I usually see this to mean “focus on this topic rather than get distracted. We can discuss that later” … or I guess that’s a better way to phrase it
Let’s take that offline perhaps better as let’s discuss that separately/later.
Double clicking should just be something like “to go into more detail” or something. I get why it happens, easy and quick to say, i just find it so irritating.
Before “double clicking”, it was “drill down”. That was no better
I really wish they’d use drill down instead
let’s discuss that separately/later
That can come off as, “Not now dumbass.” The new slang comes off as, “Yeah, needs covered, and we will, but not now.”
As always though, it’s all in the tone.
“Department / Corporate Retreat”
As in, “we’re holding our annual corporate retreat next Wednesday! It’ll be offsite, you’re all required to be there, and we’ll be spending the day having a 6 hour meeting about absolutely nothing, just like we do every year. But dont worry, when we’re done we’ll play a game no one wants to play, or do a craft no one wants to do, but everyone will pretend they enjoy it because if they don’t, they’re not ‘team players.’”
This year, our day-long-nothing-meeting was about how management is working to secure everyone’s jobs despite budget cuts, and we have nothing to worry about. Then we took a personality quiz that said I was a character from Stranger Things. Then the next day, they told me I’m getting laid off and have 3 months left at the company.
Fucking RETREATS are so relaxing.
That’s what you get for being such a Will
Actually, I’m a Nancy!
Briefcase wanker.
Anything they use to replace the word “layoffs”.
Rightsizing
Fun sizing
Excising.
Referring to people, staff as resources. Nice and dehumanizing.
An old line manager referred to me as a resource in front of me once. I should have told her to fuck off.
I’ve heard “human capital” before. The soulless fucks make others a commodity by stripping the mere mention of their existance of its humanity.
I had one retail manager who constantly kept using “moving forward” for everything. It was so freaking grating!
I hate that I’ve learned to censor myself around these soulless void-skulls by replacing “problem” with “challenge.” No, I don’t “solve problems”, because to acknowledge something as a problem is negativity we just don’t need here at Emperor Clothing Inc! I “tackle challenges”!
It’s so freaking goofy and they just eat it up. Everything needs some sort of business-positive spin or they lose their minds and think you’re not being a “team player.”
Seeing opportunities everywhere. The same underlying mechanism is at work here as with challenge: Let’s replace the word for this bad thing with a different word that means something similar but positive. And then it looks like something good! I am very smart
I’ve got a manager that’s replaced problem with “opportunity to succeed”. Well, I’ve got 99 opportunities to succeed I guess.
MVP - as in “minimum viable product”
More commonly known as the slop of a product or solution that’s being slinged to all the markets early on without adequate documentation, support, usability, scalability, standards or security.
“Corner the market” also deserves a disgusting mention.
Especially if the MVP ends up with a lot of scope creep for features that are not MVP
Can we “just double click on that” for a second?
shudders
I had a visceral reaction to this. If you’ve heard this in real life, my deepest sympathies.
What is it even supposed to mean?!
“Let’s explore that topic more”
What would a linux user say for this?
“Can we just dot slash that then chmod plus x that semicolon dot slash that for a second”A linux user would just throw a craft beer bottle.
Ew.
That they treat you like “family”
They do, the family just happens to be dysfunctional and abusive.
“We work hard and play hard” makes my skin crawl. Also, had a manager who would describe every situation with a war analogy. Sorry Bob, this is Finance, we’re not literally killing each other. Take it down a notch.
I work hard and I play hard. Not here to play.
Streamline
I mean, yeah, but actually streamlining things is something I like. I work on helicoptersn so example:
Aircraft is broken because of a faulty component. So the maintainer has to go and sign on to our grossly over-bloated computer (which can take anywhere from 5 to 45 minutes to start up), look up the relevant illustrated parts breakdown and download it (because they’ve moved everything to the cloud from our previous local servers) which runs through our exceptionally bottle-necked security system (seriously, usually ~50-100kbps download on a 100Mbps connection), find the part, log into a different system to get the national standard number and see what type it is to find what system to look in to see if we have it, look up the part location. Look up the maintenance procedure card (which is not classified) from the same place as the manual, download it at 100kbps, figure out the operational check for the replaced component is not in the card but in a separate maintenance manual, go back into that system and download that manual, find the ops check. Try to print out both the card and the ops check from whatever printer wants to work today. Fill out a requisition form, grab the part, and now you can start the job. Basically, add approximately an hour of work to any task for this nonsense.
Streamlined: Have a standalone computer that is not connected to the internet, is regularly updated via approved external hard drive with the latest Maintenance Procedure Cards and manuals, pre-filled requisition forms (with locations) for parts, lists of consumable components (like gaskets) for each repair, connected to a standalone printer hardwired to the standalone computer. Pull up card, manual, form, and ops check and print in 5 minutes.
Finding time wasters that only serve to frustrate workers and finding ways to cut those time wasters out makes the workers and the managers happy, assuming the people doing the job want to do the job well and quickly (we all want to be here, so that describes our hangar deck).
I’m a fan of streamlining.
For me its more of a lack of understanding of a specific word’s definition. The word? "Systematically"
“There’s a problem systematically, so IT is gonna have to look at that.”
They literally mean there is a problem with a computer or software and not anything related to a systematic process.
This drives me right up the wall. Everyone in management says it like a buzzword.
not really corporate, but (as far as i know) it was brought into existence due to corporations: “unalive”
“Opportunities” when talking about shitty metrics.
‘contextual knowledge’
this gem was put forward in all seriousness when the data didn’t support the claims in the report: “it’s not in the numbers, but we have a pretty good sense that this is true”
“vibes”
Collaboration. I have never worked at a single company that wanted people talking or collaborating on the work floor, or even when sharing a cubicle, let alone listen to any suggestion us peons had to offer. They keep using it as an excuse for RTO.
