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ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 3 months ago

Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover

theonion.com

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Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover

theonion.com

ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 3 months ago
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WASHINGTON—Rebuking President Trump’s decision to pardon Jan. 6 rioters, Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) staunchly vowed this week to continue falling down stairs in the face of an apparent fascist takeover. “I can no longer physically stand upright for a party that excuses a violent insurrection that targeted our Capitol,” the 82-year-old lawmaker said as he […]
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  • ceenote@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    Falling down the stairs is probably the least harmful thing he’s done in his political career.

    • rockSlayer@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      That’s not fair, the stairs didn’t deserve to get jump scared by his face

  • Sgt_choke_n_stroke@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    When your expected death is celebrated rather than mourned. You lead a shit life.

    Jerry fallwell Rush Limbaugh and Pat robinson come to mind. Im glad those fuckers are dead. I’m waiting for dennis pragurs back injury to go south.

    • Wahots@pawb.social
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      3 months ago

      Not soon enough. Should have been 10+ years ago. His refusal to confirm the supreme court pick probably fucked us for decades.

    • Queen HawlSera@lemm.ee
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      3 months ago

      Sorry, I don’t like to be a grammar Nazi, especially while we’re discussing actual Nazis…

      But his name is Penis Prager

      • Sgt_choke_n_stroke@lemmy.world
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        3 months ago

        My fault and thank you for the correction.

        Well now that he’s a quadriplegic he won’t be playing with his penis pragur (☞゚ヮ゚)☞

  • ZeroCool@slrpnk.netOP
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    3 months ago

    The Onion has been firing on all cylinders today.

    • aeronmelon@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      The Onion doesn’t have to aim to hit anything anymore.

      • pdxfed@lemmy.world
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        3 months ago

        The good news is everything is a hit. The bad news is the entire Battleship board is covered by your opponent.

    • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      Today? They’ve been amazing for like…30 years or more.

  • Diddlydee@feddit.uk
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    3 months ago

    He’s like 80% corpse.

    • werefreeatlast@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      15% dog shit mixed with beetle and other bug parts.

  • IninewCrow@lemmy.ca
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    3 months ago

    Falling down the stairs is the only time he’s risen in political popularity.

  • Queen HawlSera@lemm.ee
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    3 months ago

    Why is it that these dipshits only start dying off or (In John Boehner and Paul Ryan’s cases retiring) when worse dipshits show up?

  • Laser@lemmy.ca
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    3 months ago

    All I see when I look at this guy is the Pale Man from Pans Labyrinth

    • samus12345@lemm.ee
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      3 months ago

    • TachyonTele@lemm.ee
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      3 months ago

      A movie where they were terrorized by nazis, no less.

  • BigMacHole@lemm.ee
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    3 months ago

    We NEED to Follow in his Footsteps! Everyone FALL DOWN STAIRS!

    -The DNC!

    • WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      It’s the only thing that will protect us from the Terrible Secret of Space.

  • knightly the Sneptaur@pawb.social
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    3 months ago

    Time for a deep cut:

    Mitch McConnell? More like Tumbles the Stair Dragon.

  • Etterra@discuss.online
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    3 months ago

    He’s still in Congress so clearly he’s not falling down enough of them.

    • PM_Your_Nudes_Please@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      I’m half convinced that he’s being Weekend At Bernies’ed around the senate floor by his aides.

  • AnarchoSnowPlow@midwest.social
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    3 months ago

    I love this for him.

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