RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola – The Chaser
chaser.com.au
"Things were healthier in my day."
  • jjagaimo@lemmy.caEnglish
    104·
    9 个月前

    Holy shit I was almost excited there might be one thing to make the coming cycle less shitty until I saw the community

    • Telorand@reddthat.comEnglish
      70·
      9 个月前

      Here’s one that’s real: he’s promised to ban high-fructose corn syrup, which is banned in most other developed countries. It should have been banned in the US decades ago.

      He might be a wakadoodle, but he might still get a few things right by accident

        • jerakor@startrek.websiteEnglish
          6·
          9 个月前

          Once they raise the global temperatures enough all of the Iowa corn farmers can just farm rice and sugar cane along the Iowa coastline.

          • Mirshe@lemmy.worldEnglish
            3·
            9 个月前

            I propose we lower Texas enough to flood the Great Plains and revive the Ordovician Sea.

          • anomnom@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
            2·
            9 个月前

            Use golden syrup, sorghum or honey?

            Admission: I can’t stand pecan pie because of it’s hyper-sweetness. Maybe less corn soup would help?

      • finderscult@lemmy.mlEnglish
        111·
        9 个月前

        Hell try and then we’ll be reading a news story about how his brain worms finally kennedy’d him the next hour after the attempt. HFCS and the multitude of corporations producing and using it aren’t some pushover industry like oil and natural gas, they have actual power.

        There’s a reason corn is in everything processed in the US.

        • Schmoo@slrpnk.netEnglish
          2·
          9 个月前

          How tf is the oil and natural gas industry a pushover? They’re literally destroying the earth and getting away with it.

      • XeroxCool@lemmy.worldEnglish
        5·
        9 个月前

        All the pro-small-government people I know (the ones wanting less oversight on guns) are excited for this ban and don’t see the irony that they’re really only small-government in the topics they want, big-government in others they decided are bad (hfcs, some red dye, banning men from women’s bathrooms). We all want government protections, turns out.

        • Telorand@reddthat.comEnglish
          5·
          9 个月前

          Yeah, and to be clear, I’m not thrilled about him being in charge of health, but if that’s gonna be one of his things that he gets right, I would be stupid not to take what little solace I can get.

        • Telorand@reddthat.comEnglish
          2·
          9 个月前

          I mean, it is by most definitions that I’m aware of. It might be run by fascists, oligarchs, and ultracapitalists, but it’s definitely developed.

          I’m not sure what standard you are applying that would place it in a “developing” or other category.

  • Blue_Morpho@lemmy.worldEnglish
    451·
    9 个月前

    He might try but Don Jr will be snorting it faster than the factory could add it.

    And no one in the mainstream media will care.

  • LANIK2000@lemmy.worldEnglish
    35·
    9 个月前

    The fact that I read this headline and my first through wasn’t doubt in any capacity is insane. Satire is now lamer than reality, jesus christ…

    • Dr. Bluefall@toast.oooEnglish
      16·
      9 个月前

      The reason that is that fiction has to be coherent. It has to make sense.

      Reality is under no such constraint.

  • Phoenicianpirate@lemm.eeEnglish
    20·
    9 个月前

    Given that RFK jr was a heroin addict for decades, I was once again fooled by this and I thought it was real.

    Satire has been dead for years anyway.

  • Avicenna@lemmy.worldEnglish
    13·
    9 个月前

    wow for a solid ten seconds did not realize this was onion. I guess this will become more and more frequent over the next four years.

  • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldEnglish
    5·
    9 个月前

    100% serious here: I have had mate de coca, or tea made from the coca leaf. There used to be a place that would ship it to the U.S. without asking questions, but it doesn’t exist anymore. It basically takes a field’s worth of coca to make an ounce of cocaine, so this is a tiny fraction of the strength of cocaine. It tasted pretty awful- like damp straw smells- but with enough sweetener, it was acceptable.

    It makes you much more awake and alert than coffee with no jittery feeling and it’s totally gone after maybe 4 hours. You can have mate de coca when you get up, do a few hours’ worth of work and then take a nap and sleep like you’d never had anything to stimulate you. It’s pretty damn amazing and it’s stupid that it’s illegal.

    I’m guessing they have ways to do things in South America about the taste.

    Edit: Also, I was telling this to my wife’s cousin, who is also my GP, and he was telling me that he would get it when he went down to do charity work in El Salvador all the time and agreed it should be totally legal in the U.S. He’s a cool guy.

    • heckypecky@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
      1·
      9 个月前

      Dude coca tea tastes so good. I drank it all the time when I was in Bolivia. It has nowhere near the stimulating effect like coffee. To get that, you have to chew it with some ash, lijta, to get the chemicals.

      • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        9 个月前

        Well all I can say was that was my experience with what I used to have. Tasted awful, more powerful than coffee, no jitteriness.