definitely not just uploading a picture of one of my plants because i forgot about this mega
Join our public Matrix server!
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It’s for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
spoiler
HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST
if you have a preferred week please tell me
nemmybun* (7/13 - 7/19) Shaleesh* (7/20 - 7/26) SwitchyandWitchy* (7/27 - 8/2) Busgirl* (8/3 - 8/9) GayTuckerCarlson* (8/10 - 8/16) SockOlm (8/17 - 8/23) * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
Lately when people ask how I’ve been going I reply honestly “The world is sick, but I am healthy”
The horrors persist but so do I.
That’s what I adapted it from. I wanted something that strongly emphasized how well I’m doing:
-nearly 1.5 years on HRT, levels amazing due to implant, physically in great shape
-navigating long term relationship ending in a way where we still are good friends
-new girlfriend who I really like, great social life and supports
-work where I’m respected and openly trans
-mental health fantastic, about to start stimulant for newly diagnosed ADHD
Eyyy looks at this new mega
I had to call support to get my internet fixed (I guess mice chewed through a cable under the trailer ugh) and the technician I was talking to over the phone had me on speaker in his truck, so I heard my own voice on his speakers.
Just need to say, even though I did all my voice training DIY, it works. 😊
Didn’t expect a good ending to that story, happy for you.
God I just need that and idc how the rest of my transition goes
Finding vocalists I could sing with helped a lot - metal was great for finding my voice.
After training I can sing along with scene queen which is nice
Being able to sing along with This God is Dead was a very intense experience for me.
Like, the song certainly wasn’t written to be trans coded, but it totally is.
Last day at the old job! And hopefully:
- last day hiding my chest at work
- last day going by a guy’s name at work
- last day having to act like a guy at work
But first a little relaxation time!!!
The Banshees of Inisherin. 10/10
short mild spoiler review. CW for a variety of heavy emotional topics
The Banshees of Inisherin is one of the most emotionally devastating films I’ve ever seen. The plot is simple: In 1923 Ireland, two lifelong friends fall apart after one (Brendan Gleeson) suddenly declared he does not like the other (Colin Farrell) anymore. An allegory for the Irish civil war, the devastation comes from it’s subtlety. There is no great betrayal, or drunken slander that gets too harsh, Brendan Gleesons character Colm states he no longer likes Farrells character Pádraic simply because he finds Pádraic to be poor, unstimulating company and a wee bit annoying. This cuts incredibly deep for anyone of a certain self conscious social anxiety or gone through a bad breakup. The bulk of the film is Pádraic refusing to accept the new normal, trying to unsuccessfully to repair what is broken while he continues to grow sadder and more desperate, but then turns to anger as Colm rejects his attempts at mending, under threat of self harm. The two men spiral into darkness, both one upping the destruction they cause to themselves and each other, mirroring a civil conflict spiraling out of control and causing deep, decades long division.
10/10. This is the best breakup movie ever made. I will never watch this again (compliment)
If youve never seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind it can be a doozy
spoiler
I actually saw Eternal Sunshine for the first time this year weeks after I had a messy breakdown of a very emotionally intense FWB situation
I went into the movie blind
depression discussion
Symptoms of depression:
Sick and tired of touching grass. Exhausted from social media/reading and whatever. Food feels disgusting. The idea of sex feels even more repulsive. Can’t even mastrubate properly.
I just wish I could immerse myself in work to forget about it all.
“But sodium can’t you just already do that? What’s stopping you?”
Other than the inability to focus? Lack of any direction? How do I immerse myself when I know I’m just trying to escape? It doesn’t work that way. I want … meaningful work. But it ain’t there.
“How about going to the queer meetups? Nature tours? The ones the social worker told you about?”
Don’t have the emotional bandwidth to meet with new people. What, I go there and start caring about even more people’s lives? Have extra people to compare myself to and know just how ugly and not passing I am?
"Can you not just take your anti-depressants?
They’re there. I know. Taunting me “oh come and be plagued with headaches!” or fucking whatever.
I’ll still take em. Don’t worry.
oki i finally got into wh40k mood and am playing Rogue Trader.
Why is it that every Owlcat gayme has a 10h prologue that makes me bounce off five times before I finally crack through and get obsessed with the game? anyways I’m iconoclasting all over the place, shooting dogmatists and heretics in the face and trying to woo Yrliet, the love of my life, who thinks I’m a disgusting mon’keigh so it’s definitely going to happen!
the melta gun sound effects and visuals are top tier
Comic about transphobia
spoiler
Thinking about dating in general and like growing up it’s been not really something I did and when I saw it through others it’s seemed rocky at best. My own parents relationship is loving but the barely talk sometimes, what I got with my gf is more deeper idk. I can spend all day talking to her confiding things I never could before. Overall it’s been great dating someone and that someone becoming your best friend 😊
cool plant
sex, rant, TMI
Out of the blue so apologies I suppose, I’m a bit of a prude regarding this but whatever… I just suck at fucking. I have a cis long term girlfriend and well she has her own sex issues like a lot of them but I also am just plainly bad. I cant finger her cause it hurts her, only very rarely it feels pleasurable. It took like 3 years of actively trying to have sex before I managed to make her cum using my fingers last month (it was the first time she didnt get off herself). I am not on HRT cause I live in fuckass reactionary hellhole that would murder me for it and exclude me legally and I dont mind PIV, so we have done it a few times, and each time it felt good for her but overwhelming and in the end painful to the point she didnt want to do penetrative whatsoever anymore so we havent. Because of other outside circumstances we barely have been having sex at all and it just sucks feels like any progress we did is just undoing/gone. It just seems so easy for everyone else while for me it’s always been shit. I’m always paranoid of hurting her and feel like a bad person. And that I should do better. I dont have anyone to talk to about this, other than her cause we are very good at communication, that’s not an issue. She also has chronic pain and is potentially disabled so that might factor in, though most of this was before the onset of the worse stuff. Idk it’s just so bad to the point it’s eating at me cause I should be able to fuck cause we both enjoy it but then somehow we/I fuck up and it hurts or etc. I cant give head cause well at one point shes oversensitive and it begins hurting her, penetration hurts her too much, or I hurt her legs if I keep them up. It’s so tiresome we stopped actively having sex and are regressing I think, cause we both have trauma before we met eachother. We both also have problems expressing desire, her even moreso than me; so even if she wants me physically she never says it and I want her to say it but she has a lot of religious trauma and etc. Sorry this was too big of a rant, just had to get this off my chest :/ I hate feeling so incompetent. I think we both need couples sex therapy and proper resources for prep but we’re too poor to go to therapy anyways
Relapsed on vaping, but it’s also an appetite suppressant, so at least it’s a bit easier to lose weight. Need to quit again for my transition and voice training though.
I’m not really that hungry
Grrrr
bites you
I thought I wasn’t making progress with my workouts but after 2 months of being out of shape and negligent, the exercises I thought were easy now feel hard. So I guess I was making progress even if it was invisible.
