“Interpersonal Systemic Shame makes it easy to see people’s laziness, sloppiness, or apathy as the source of the problem rather than a consequence of repeated structural failures. Interpersonal Systemic Shame often involves blaming and shaming people who share identities or experiences with us, because they reflect the qualities we’ve been conditioned to hate in ourselves.”
- Unlearning Shame, Devon Price, PhD
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“Disability” is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
Customer changed the amount he gave me AFTER paying and then got pissy and condescending when I didn’t get the change right. I hate customers.
I had a fall like an old lady today. My tendon is too bad to walk much but its depressing and frustrating being trapped indoors so I thought I could at least hobble around the block for some fresh air. But it’s icy and I slipped and fell flat on my back, and my mobility problems are so bad I couldn’t even get back up. A man came along and pulled me back up after watching me struggle for a minute. Embarrassing. I shouldn’t be like this at 42, this is what 92 year olds are like. And I hurt my knee falling, now I’m paranoid that will be a long term problem like every other injury I get. Being disabled is a vicious circle, the more disabled you are, the more likely you are to get injured, and the more injured you get, the more disabled you are.
They gave me so many cookies at the food bank. I got an entire shopping bag just fool of cookies and another shopping bag full of broccoli and ready-to-eat salads. Also 10 pounds of potatoes.
How do those of you with major physical disabilities exercise/keep active? My achilles is wrecked again, my entire left side, knee, foot, everything is flaring up. I’m pretty much accepting now that this isn’t going to get better, and is actually getting worse over time. Even basic walking is often out of the question. But the lack of exercise makes the muscles, tendons etc weaker over time. Not to mention I’ve become incredibly unfit to the point I can get out of breath easily. The exercises the physio tells me to do are pretty much worthless. What should I do? Should I just give up and rot? What a life to look forward to. And a migraine today. happy 42nd birthday to me.
I’m sorry your birthday is so bad on top of everything else. I wish you a happy birthday despite all of this, because you deserve to be happy
I hope someone with a physical disability can chime in and give you some better advice. While I’m not physically disabled, I did have some exercises I could do after my surgery when I couldn’t sit at all or stand for longer periods of time. I think the trick is to look for the parts of your body that you can use and try to train them instead of trying to work around the parts that won’t allow exercise at the moment. For example, as my lower body was pretty much useless from the surgery for about three months, I tried doing some yoga exercises that involved the neck and shoulders. It wasn’t much, granted, but being able to consciously use the muscles in the shoulders, arms, and upper torso really helped to make me feel better.
Thank you.
I really need to be able to walk outside every day, otherwise I get really frustrated and can’t sleep. Without that, life sucks worse than ever to the point of pointlessness. And my achilles is getting weaker over time no matter whether I do the physio exercises or not.
You’re welcome
I know it’s not advisable but can you move through some of the pain? I’m asking more out of curiosity, like, does your Achilles tendon grow so tight you can’t move it when you try to walk, or is it excruciating pain but the movement still works?
It’s currently walkable to a certain extent, I can get to and from the car, and walk around the house. It’s also worsening, so I don’t know how bad it’s going to get again. It feels like it’s being sliced with a razor blade and looks like the Chernobyl elephant’s foot, but it’s nowhere near as bad as it has been previously, yet.
This sounds to me like you could use a lot more warmth around your ankles and calves, and possibly even massages. I don’t know how flexible you are with that much pain, but maybe you could try massaging your legs. It might relief some of the pain, though I know it won’t get rid of the root cause. It’s just a thought, but I hope it can help with the pain a bit
I am supposed to be massaging them, but to be honest I’ve kind of let that slide as it doesn’t seem to be doing anything. I do rub a bit of ibuprofen gel into them when they’re really bad. I’m supposed to ice them, heat isn’t recommended.
Alright, if heat isn’t recommended really don’t try it. It’s just the instinctual thing I figured might help, but I do hope the docs know better than I do. As to the massages, they usually need to be applied regularly and in the right way, and to be perfectly honest, I think some body parts you just can’t massage properly on your own. But I would still suggest you give it another try. The idea really is to get the blood flow moving, make it easier for your body to heal where possible. Try do to whatever you can that makes you feel a little bit better at least. I believe in you
I’ve helped work out a bunch of mobility disabled people. The straightforward answer independent of the specific disability is that you do what you can and you very much have to be patient and willing to accept failure, much more so than anyone else. If you can only flex your leg a little bit, you only flex it that much, if you can’t move that day, you don’t move that day. But you do as much as you can when you can and to the extent you can. Your physio should be much more knowledgeable about the specific exercises, but in general what you need to do is just sit down and make a habit of the exercise and do a little every day, and sometimes doing a little better includes doing a little worse one day.
My physios are useless. Just give me the same exercises each time and usually then discharge me with no follow up.
Why is everyone so terrible and mean all the time
I was just about to say the same thing. It really does feel like the general publics empathy is at an all time low, hmm? So many times people will casually say something so cruel that it feels like a gut punch and I wonder if I’m too sensitive. People being awful to the homeless or to traumatized/neurodiverse/disabled people in particular is really depressing.
Sorry if I’m making it about me in this comment, I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and I feel the same.
No it’s okay, I find a lot of comfort in commiseration because there’s no one can really turn to in my real personal life. It’s so depressing how it seems like most people will find any excuse to make fun of or even hate someone they don’t even know and it always hurts me to see even if I’m not even involved. I’ve had to delete all my social media and blocked Reddit on my phone just because it’s gotten so so negative even if I stick to just people I know and artists, even the subreddits specific to the few games I play are so negative ☹️
I felt that. I deleted all my social media accounts too and while I wouldn’t say I’m feeling great now, it helped with getting rid of a lot of negativity. However, it also means there’s less people to talk to. That’s what I appreciate hexbear for, because even if we have problems here, there’s also a chance to talk things out. It is more humane than most other online interactions.
The subreddits for games can be really terrible. What games are you playing though? Maybe there’s some people here who want to chat about these games or can help if you’re stuck on a puzzle or something.
I can’t make the negativity go away, but I can leave you a little hug, if you want one
I mostly play the elder scrolls online, but I’ve been playing for hours everyday so I’m getting a bit burnt out, which sucks because I still have so much story to get through 😭 I’m probably going to start back up again on January 1st in the hopes that we get new mounts in the in game store. Right now I’m playing Frontiers of Pandora because of the new DLC that came out, I was really into it last winter and made a ton of Ikran skin mods, I’ve always been kind of obsessed with Avatar just because the word is so captivating and I really like the alien biology, plants, and animals, even if it’s not very realistic lol.
Mostly I was in the subreddits for news and updates about the game and to see people’s characters and learn about lore but a lot of the posts were pretty negative 😔 oh well. At least ESO has a lot of tutorials available for when I inevitably get stumped by a puzzle haha
Thanks 🫂🫂
I just fr can’t tolerate living in this hateful ass world man
Every escalation currently happening makes complete sense as a consequence of the world cosigning eugenics after a year or two of half-assing SARS-CoV-2. When you consent to that scale of abandonment, nothing matters anymore. We are on our own.
OK for real, how am I supposed to know what personality traits of mine are unhealthy coping mechanisms and which are ‘normal’? What parts of me are acceptable and which parts of me are signs of ‘oh dear that poor delusional person is clearly is compensating for their shitty life’?
I am so sick of second guessing my every thought, action and interest.
All of it is you, and all of it can cease to be who you are if you stop.
The trick is whether you want it to be part of you, since it’s your life. If you like something about yourself others find to be abnormal, then thats their problem and they can go pound sand.
If you don’t like a part of yourself you can work on it.embrace what brings you joy without giving a single fuck about whether it’s maladaptive. this world is bad. feeling good in a bad world is a win every time and i don’t care how you get there. NTs can go play by themselves or whatever i gots 0 patience for typicals
Having Raynauds syndrome and getting bright fucking red hands when I’m even slightly warm is so fucking annoying. On one hand it’s insanely uncomfortable and hot and on the other everyone and their dog feels the need to comment on how red my hands are
I can only begin to imagine how uncomfortable that must be. People commenting on that stuff on top of you going through it is irritating to no end. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, sweetie
I will admit, I have never heard of Raynaud’s snydrome before. Can you tell me somethings about it?
It’s a blood flow disorder that affects the hands, when I’m cold they’ll be pure white in a specific location, like just 2 fingers and part of the palm connecting them, and numb, and when I’m warm they’ll get really red and hot, usually the entire thumb and all fingers but not the palm. It also happens late at night even if I’m not warm, so I have to sleep holding ice sometimes lol
lol that sounds taxing, to say the least. I’m sorry you have to deal with this all day-every-day, sweetie
Venting, dunno if this should be spoilered or not
I really, really want to move this year but the moment I start thinking of all the shit I need to do to actually move I lose all motivation. I hate being depressed because there’s so many things I want to do but I have no energy at all. I have to find a roommate, which is scary in of itself because I have very little people experience and haven’t had a friend for like 2 years lol. I have to switch healthcare, banks, find a place I want to live in the 2 cities I’m considering, find a college in those cities that’s close to an apartment I can afford, plus I’ll have to find a job beforehand… it’s exhausting just to think about.
I have 6k saved at least, and I’ll continue working, at least I’m making progress in that way.
I quit smoking Mary Jane (except for last night, because new years) to see if not smoking helps my mental health, so I hope something good comes from that.
I also feel a little inferior because my older brother (22, I’m 21) moved out at 18, has a $22 an hour job real estate he got from connections, goes to parties all the time, has a ton of friends, tons of hobbies, goes on trips multiple times a year, is super outgoing, meanwhile I live with my mom in a tiny town I deeply hate and have never enjoyed living in for the 15~ years I’ve been here, barely work 10 hours a week even though I pick up as many shifts as I can, never go out, don’t have friends, and have no interest in doing much of anything
Like what went wrong with me lol.
My brother is a great dude btw I don’t blame him or resent him, I’m just envious and it’s hard not to compare yourself to an older sibling
I didnt forget. Happy new year to you guys, guyettes, and non-guynaries. Hope you had a great new year’s celebration and I hope 2026 is as amazing as you deserve it to be.
I’m stealing “non-guynary” lol
Thank you, Keld
Btw, I love guyettes as a concept, I might just adopt that one irl haha
My ribs really hurt today, I think I must have injured them when I fell yesterday. They hurt every time I move.
Sounds like a contusion, ribs are very sensitive in that way. You should get it looked at, I think, to make sure they’re not broken. Be careful sweetie
Thanks, but it would involve getting to casualty somehow, sitting there waiting to be seen for probably 10 hours, getting coughed on by all the people not wearing masks, just to be told there’s probably nothing wrong with me. I don’t have the energy to deal with that, I’m struggling to do anything at the moment.
I can understand that, and no, I wouldn’t want to risk getting sick because of waiting for hours on end in a waiting room crammed in with other people. Take it slow, be gentle with yourself, but if it gets worse, really consider seeing a doctor.
The pain in the ribs has actually died down now. The knee seems to be permanently damaged though. I’ve got a physio appointment on the 12th, I’ll ask them to have a look.
Happy to hear the ribs are better, I hope the knee is nothing too serious either
I think because of a combination of having had a stroke, and advancing age, that these issues are never going away. No amount of physiotherapy helps much, even if it gets a bit better temporarily, the problems soon come back.
a number of horror stuff is just ableism
i love horror, but i need to do intensive research on just about anything horror I watch because of the amount of times they portray ppl with DID as being monsters, lmao
i love having uber stigmatized mental illness
look at how evil this MENTALLY HANDICAPPED person is, how he does evil stuff becauseHE IS MENTALLY HANDICAPPED, you should fear him for that :)
Also a lot of body horror stuff, a lot of them just look like humans with body conditions, or suffered from injuries.
yea, it’s frustrating! i’ve just started to write my own horror ngl
As in horror tropes?
Spend the entire day yesterday in bed suffering from painful coughs and sneezes, so I decided to go see the doctor today. As soon as I walked in, mask in place, my doctor put on a mask as well before they examined me. Was a surprising thing to witness, they usually don’t bother anymore.
Hope you feel better soon.
Thank you love. It’s really rough rn, so I hope so too.
The worst part is that I haven’t been out of the house since before Christmas, so I have no idea where I should’ve gotten it from. Nobody else was sick here, so it feels very strange.
Had any deliveries or anything? Or even touched something that came from outside, someone could have coughed or sneezed on it.
That’s the working theory for now. I’m getting better slowly, but holy shit, the coughs keep me awake for hours each night. It’s vicious.
Sorry.
Do any cough sweets or cough medicine help? Or maybe something to help you sleep.I might have to get the codeine cough syrup if it doesn’t get better over the next few days tbh. It’s annoying, I don’t like taking it, but the alternative is not having good sleep, and if anything makes healing more difficult, it’s not sleeping well. As for now, I’m taking the usual suspects and the antibiotics my doctor prescribed. I’ll just keep coughing in the meantime
Does it hurt? if I have pain and can’t sleep I sometimes take Panadaol Night, it’s paracetamol with a drowsy antihistamine to help you sleep.
have a bad flu thing, just awful and the world seems like deeply unreal and the news isnt helping with that idk. idk
Get well soon
my mom is watching some show and some rich people were complaining about being rich and having no choices bc they are rich
this is the same person who tells me that i’m boxing myself in by acknowledging im disabled and limiting my choices in life
im so tired
