You must log in or register to comment.
Too autistic for neurotypicals, too neurotypically masked for autistic people most days
My entire life
I felt this until I surrounded myself with almost exclusively neruodivergent friends
Yeah .shit gets wild with the neuros. Three convos. 4 people. And no one’s angry. It’s just flowing. 😆
I think the mutual understanding of why we are how we are is calming to be surrounded with. Safer than the easy judgement of our typical peers s lot of times.
Big mood
Yeah, I have just resigned to my fate of never having any real friends. I have a handful of people who will tolerate me in small doses, and one exceptional person I somehow convinced to marry me, and that’s about it.
that’s all you really need
Truth. I’m fairly reclusive, and I enjoy extended time alone. So having only one real friend that’s also my spouse is pretty fucking amazing.
same… though my partner also has no friends so it’s hard to even have actual alone time either
When you walk as a group, little conversations and pairs will form naturally, chatting and joking along the way. I will very often walk by myself, either pacing too slow or too fast, nobody joining me. Sometimes it feels like an escort ques, where you just don’t have the correct walking speed button.
On the other hand, I’ll find and love you other weird fucks easily at a party, bouncing erratically around from place to place or telling me for thirty minutes about your favorite type of algae when I asked what you did today. Just gotta get invited to a party sometime again…
Everything Ive ever done felt like a larp
Life is a cabaret old chum
I feel like this is something pretty normal. Like, not for every group maybe and always, but most of us have peer groups where we feel like we don’t really fit in. Is that about neurodivergence, or is it just like something everyone feels?
Yep. I personally think this is a product of post-tribal civilisation, really. There was a time where you basically were part of the group by necessity, because you and the other people are the only ones who exist - These would be groups that existed and persisted in some form for years, decades, centuries.
But now, groups are very transient, borne from fast, fleeting interactions, and it’s essentially inevitable that you will be part of many groups where you’re not an integral ‘part’ of it. My experience is this is just a numbers game, whack yourself into enough groups and at some point you will slide into being an ‘integral’ part. Sucks, and is typically harder to achieve with neurodivergence, but it is something everyone faces to some degree or another.
Yeah this has always been hard for me to understand. I can jive well with people who are neurotypical or neurodivergent, but the same applies in not being able to jive as well with both groups at times
Fuuuuuuuuck
Uh yeah. For 46 years.
Should I get tested?
Yes, in the end, all the groups that worked for me, where just only NDs. This kept repeating throughout the years. I don’t “jive” with neurotypicals at all, and once I realized this, it made it easy to stop worrying about it.
I ended up accidentally selecting a group of queer and neurodivergent friends by accident before I knew I was either of those things. But in college right found it really, really hard to fit in with my neurotypical housemates, until one with ADHD moved in. I never felt like I was on the same level as the neurotypicals, because they aren’t exhausted just by being alive and doing tasks
I’m kinda old at this point. I see ‘friends’ in two categories, people I see as a sort of extended family, and friends of location/convenience. The first category tends to be entirely queer socialists, whereas the rest are friends of friends, coworkers, most cishets, etc. Generally the second category of friend is very unreliable and not very useful to be around, but they do help pass the time in boring situations, basically.
It’s important as you grow older to focus on friends that materially help you and show up when you need them and sideline the others imo. Working with homeless people makes me realize how many queer people dont have friends that will help them in their time of need.
I eventually found all the proper circles, but for a while I only felt normal in kink scenes where my weirdness was more tolerable.
I mean, I’ve lost a lot of friends over the past couple years and kicked a few myself, so now it’s back to stage one.
after i got dumped ive felt this 10 fold because she is a core part of the friend group (as am i) and i just cant cope seeing her
oh all the time…always feels like im just there and an addon to the hang out. on top of all of that one of my real life friends, a person i’ve known for 15+ years, always complains that he has to drive 30 min to get to my apartment (i dont have a car). it pisses me off. i’m always the last to be invited, even though i suggest stuff doing stuff all the time. guess who didn’t know people were playing commander mtg together until today?
i’ve been on the internet for a long time too and i’ve been in so many online communities and i’ve had the exact same problem, i’m just in the fringe, i’m just there. i know people who met online and started dating, are now married, or they have no problem driving or flying to visit each other (which makes my friend who complains about 30 min drives to my apartment come off so much worse). in my communities i try to suggest stuff. play a game together, i started a monthly movie club in a discord i was already in (its so casual, its just watch 1 movie and talk about it) but no one shows up. i was watching my friends twitch channel, and there were so many people talking in his chat, all from old MMO guilds, from guilds that havent been active in years, all people he cultivated and grouped together.
the irony is that i think i’m not an introverted person at all, i love being around people, i’ve just never fit in somewhere. itd be easier to cope with all this if i had something else going on in my life, but i dont so i just spiral every few weeks or days now. i’ve got too much time to think about everything, and i only think of the worst stuff
Yeah, but all the groups I feel like I’m being subtly excluded from are neurodivergent. Some of it is my own trauma, but also some of it is because a lot of people don’t know how to end a sentence in the middle of a conversation.
