OP, don’t take dating advice from Lemmy. That’s my biggest tip I’ve got for ya.
Any woman that wouldn’t be interested in anime and BG3 probably wouldn’t be lasting prospect for anon anyway and that’s OK. Find a partner that has similar interests to you (and hopefully isn’t too crazy) and you’ve got a decent chance for something that can last.
They dont even have to have similar interests only one. Its more like anime and gaming is a veto for a lot of women and even men from my understanding. People think youre wierd if you do those. I know someone who looks like your typical gym bro so he gets a lot of attention from women but then they get turned off instantly becuase of his hobbies.
This is why people fail at dating and relationships. They look at it like fishing- that your goal is to tempt a big fish into biting. That is wrong. Dating is a SEARCH. In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics. You aren’t trying to persuade the first one you see to like you, you’re trying to find the one who already likes you but doesn’t know it yet because they haven’t met you. The person you are compatible with will like you for who you are. So when this girl rejects him because she doesn’t like anime, he should not take that as a personal failing. He should smile and say okay on to the next one.
And if you’re into stuff like anime put that shit in your profile. That will attract the right people and screen out the wrong ones. That’s not ‘making a bad impression’, the people for whom anime is a turn off are people who you wouldn’t want anyway if you are an anime fan.
In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics.
reported for misinformation
That’s a nice sentiment, but there is almost certainly a mismatch in supply and demand for men who are anime and video game nerds.
As a gay man, I have a novel solution to the problem.
I seriously think that my life would probably have been easier if I were gay. A heterosexual relationship usually requires finding a woman who enjoys my company despite having effectively no common interests with me.
Ok, but it’s not like it’s a choice to be gay…
it is a choice.
and I make it.
you’re gay now
*poof!*
Yeah if Anon had asked first and she had replied “Taylor swift and watching reality TV” how would he have reacted?
“Taylor swift and watching reality TV” how would he have reacted?
Can’t speak for anon, but TS is more enjoyable than one would expect. I downloaded Eras for my wife, expecting it to be long and boring, and watched the whole damn thing and recommended it to my friends that would not have considered watching it.
Reality TV is fine, get a steam deck and game while they watch it. It’s so scripted you can stay caught up and gasp at the right moments without looking up.
Yeah i don’t know much about TS but as an extreme metal fan happily married to a K-pop & K-drama fan, I agree with your point. But again, there’s a lot of signal in those various situations.
The girl in the story has clearly signaled that pop-culture tastes are important for her in a potential partner, while you and I have clearly signaled that it isn’t. Both are very valid.
You’re missing the point.
It sounds like you took my post as ‘anime fans aren’t all losers’. I didn’t say that.I was trying to say that it’s okay she rejected him for that and he should be happy that he won’t waste any more dates on a person who considers his hobbies a turn-off.
I was actually agreeing with you. She rejected him for liking anime just like he may have rejected him for liking Taytay & reality TV. As you said, dating is not a speedrun to making some random person like you - it’s a search for someone you like and who likes you back. Personal interests and hobbies are a great proxy to finding that person. But of course you have to be in a good place mentally, and not ready to ditch your dignity for validation from a random person you might not even like if you were frank with yourself.
It’s not necessarily an easy problem to solve. I think the woman should have given him a chance and generally everyone should avoid reacting so strongly to “dealbreakers” on a first date.
That being said, Anon can also consider not bringing up anime and video games right off the bat. It doesn’t mean you can never share this. It may be just fine given more context (you are moderate about it, still open to other things, etc.). We all make snap judgments that we regret later. It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these (barring serious things like hiding if you have a kid).
I’m sorry, but dealbreakers are dealbreakers for a reason. And dealbreakers aren’t stuff that should be treated like it can be changed easily. Dealbreakers are things like political alignments, interest in having children, marriage and other stuff.
And asking women to give a guy they don’t like “just a chance” has not done anything ever for anyone, seriously. The amount of times I hear about women giving the “weird guy” a second chance has always ended in the guy either seriously overstepping boundaries or taking the later rejection even worse. I have yet to meet a “weird guy” who hasn’t done something seriously heinous later down the line.
And I am certain you didn’t mean it that way, but saying “It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these” makes it sound like you’re advocating for invalidating womens opinions, as if they can’t make decisions for themselves and need help from a man to make the “right” one.
Atup. There’s a lotta guys who think dating apps are akin to ordering a woman online and then finessing the edges and they always get ragingly shitful when they find out women are actually people and don’t want that bullshit.
(This is outside of transactional hookups where people just wanna fuck)
There’s a lot of flawed logic on all sides.
And that’s not even accounting for the inherently deeply complex and illogical stuff that goes along with dating too.
When I was actively pursuing online dating years ago, some of my best dates were the one and done dates where we both seemed to know early on that we probably weren’t interested in each other as long term partners but were mature enough to acknowledge that without taking it personally and enjoy a much more relaxed rest of the date. On one of those occasions, my date even suggested that while I wasn’t a good match for her, if I were interested, she’d give her roommate my number, thinking we’d be better.
In the end it never happened, but it just shows that just because one or both halves of a date may not want a second date, that’s not a failing of either one, necessarily.
Between 1000 and a few million??? Lmfaoooo
Even if you’re in a massive city, it’s still probably gonna only be like 1000 people out of the total dating pool that you’ll get to maybe meet. And only like 20 of those 1000 would want a second date.
The bad ending:
> learn not to talk about anime and gaming
> change hobbies instantly for a woman
> long-term relationship but miserablePros: Having sex.
Cons: Has to know the names of everybody on Love Island.
I feel personally attacked. Love Island is wonderful trash okay? 🤣
The trick to being into anime, gaming, and being able to date is to find partners who enjoy the same things.
Or have other hobbies to balance. Anime and gaming aren’t hobbies you bring out first.
That would be the responsible thing to do if you want to make sure you can find an acceptable mate.
But then there’s ADHD and depression to deal with. Video games and anime are a lot more approachable if you don’t have the psychological fortitude to take yourself out of the morning fun pit and go touch grass.
As someone who is a bit older than the average 4chan user, but used 4chan when I was that age: don’t change your hobbies for
a girl/boyanother person.I get the reason people think this way - but you’ll never be able to hide who you truly are. Find someone who likes you for who you truly are.
And no, not showering isn’t who you truly are. Shower.
Be the best version of yourself.
Best version showers and wears deodorant.
This feels like you’re just rephrasing “don’t watch anime”
don’t change your hobbies for a girl/boy.
Change yourself for the enbies is what I’m hearing?
Yes.
But for real I have fixed it
Was meant playfully but nice to be inclusive too!
I feel like hiding/changing self is oftentimes easier than finding someone who likes one as-is. Most people are quite stereotyped and prefers being normal.
“Easier” is a copout in the long term if you’re giving up your happiness for someone else. “Normal” is a spectrum and not absolute.
I get it though - loneliness sucks arse. For plenty of people desperation makes them want to make radical changes. I promise though that a lot of people who get stuck thinking they’ll only have one opportunity at happiness are wrong
Dunno how it is “giving up happiness”, when one is (typically) unhappy in the first place.
About normal - what do you mean by “normal is spectrum”? I do not understand what you mean by that. As far as I have seen, there is an socially established concept of “being normal”, that 99% of people agree upon and go by.
And use soap
Keep in mind this is a 4chan green text, so the faux pas may have been mentioning Boku No Pico or something less innocent than “anime”
It’s not necessarily about “changing who you are,” it can be about the way you express those hobbies. Some people are definitely unfairly biased against video games and anime, but some people have encountered people who explore those hobbies in an unhealthy way.
Eg, when I am dating, I do avoid people who list gaming as their primary interest, even as a gamer myself. I might message someone who has a particular game I like mentioned in their profile, but rarely. Having gaming and anime listed primarily/only just has not been a good indicator - especially when it is left as generic as “gaming” and “anime.” Balder’s Gate 3 is normie-af and I doubt was the problem.
They can be very isolating hobbies too in how they are pursued - sometimes as a form of escapism for deeper issues. I wasted most of my twenties being a bang maid and mommy for my husband as he rotated through FIFA and Ubisoft releases, and I don’t think my experience is necessarily unique. He had a pastor who almost went through a divorce because of a World of Warcraft addiction. That’s the kind of thing that’s going to flash through most heterosexual women’s minds. It is painful to come home after work to a grunt and a pile of dishes and the flash of the screen. This is not to say that all or most gamers are like this - but if you do game and have a partner, you should sit and think to yourself about how it does relate to the time spent on other types of hobbies.
Another aspect is that receptive/passive hobbies can be less interesting to talk about? Listening to someone rehash a show is usually going to be less interesting then watching the show. Remember that a first date especially needs to have a lot of push and pull. If they haven’t watched the show, a brief this is what it is this is why I like it, what shows do you like? With games, try to find out what games they like first and match their power level. The Sims and farming games are safe and common - and if you make someone feel comfortable by listening to them talk about their Sims legacy challenge, you can talk about the benefits of your Smash main.
But also, the technical aspects of someone else’s hobby are just not something that most will want to listen to, without already having a connection. I’d love if I could make genitals flush by showing off my Hush runs or the fact that one time in Nethack I actually got a character through the mines and to the castle.
Non-joke response: be true to yourself. OP is fine for liking anime and video games, their date is fine for disliking the same. But don’t feel like either one should change or hide themself whether for a single date, or even their “one true soulmate”! Either scenario is not a lasting strategy. Find someone who likes you for you, even if it’s difficult and takes time…
if i were to guess, i’d say that for people it’s not a problem with those hobbies in particular, but rather with the fact that the question implies you to say the most exciting things you do in a free time, therefore if you answer “anime and playing games” they consider you boring and uninitiative.
Idk “what are your hobbies” sometimes means “what do you do after work” and sometimes it means “what do you love to do when you can scrape together the time, money, and energy?”
Pro tip: if this is your date’s reaction to your honest self then it was never gonna work out. You’re better off ditching their dead weight and moving on.
Yup, better to dodge a bullet on the first date than to catch it when you’re emotionally invested.
Honestly I loved anime growing up but I went on a date with a guy in college who spent the entire date talking about anime in a manner that communicated his big tit fetish on the first date. Like. I would have loved talking about Inuyasha or fma among a few others I remembered really enjoying. But nope. Anime tiddies. So when I read this I’m like… Are you sure it was the anime dude or was it maybe actually something tangentially related to the anime?
Otoh if it really truly was the anime anon dodged a bullet anyway.
If you’re not a normie, don’t match with hardcore normies. Usually it’s pretty easy to tell.
Yeah, OP dodged a bullet here.
I literally had a birthday picnic last sat with a bunch of incredibly attractive and intelligent women who would not shut the fuck up about bg3. Dude lost nothing of value
Ive met girls who spend most of their free time gaming complain things like “all he does is game, hes going no where”. Some people have dumb standards for first impressions or are just straight up hypocrites.
That said, in our hyper competitive online dating bullshit timeline, OP should have thought of one of their more interesting skills and hobbys, even if they don’t do it as often. Something like “sometime i cook a nice dinner on fridays” or “i like to ice fish in the winter” could have gathered more interest than just games. Even sticking to the gaming genre but mentioning a weekly board game meet sounds more attractive than solo gaming. It isn’t necessarily the most fair but we gotta sell our selves even more when trying to connect digitally. There is no body language or other aspects to observe, your handful of pictures and texting is all you got to make a shot, for example, I game more than i ice fish, gaming is less commitment in time, energy, and money, but ice fishing is the more interesting and skill diverse hobby so I’d choose that over gaming for first impressions
Ironically, you’re treating dating like a strategy game. Don’t.
If you have to lie about who you are, you’re gonna get a shit deal
I don’t lie about who I am, i just put forward my more interesting qualities before admiting i play 2 hours of minecraft a day. I also don’t participate in online dating.
I’d also rather a girl recomend we go ice fishing together as a date than play a game online as a date, so i often put forward my hobbies that are easier to do with other people, like mountain biking or going to a rock climbing gym in hopes of finding some common interests we can share in person.
Embellishing? Its still lieing to imply you mostly do broadly interesting things when you actually play minecraft for two hours a day.
I play rocket league for a few hours a day and I would not be shy to mention that quickly. The person you replied to is right, if you put forward yourself honestly then you might actually find someone who likes you. Girls play minecraft too, in case you weren’t aware.
I’m not embellishing anything. Ice fishing is a hobby I am more interested in and enjoy more than gaming. I have more good stories about ice fishing than I do about gaming. I also find it leaves more potential to further the conversation. Maybe she likes to fish on a boat in the summer, or maybe they have experiences from their childhood ice fishing they want to share.
I am a very outdoors person and I’d like my partner to be the same, so when I meet a potential partner, i like to start by finding out if they have any outdoor passions.
You should probably be upfront that you somehow are an outdoorsman who plays minecraft for multiple hours a day.
dude, nothing wrong with playing 2 hours of vidya per day if it’s balanced out, thats about 12% of the available time of a day if you sleep 8 hours.
I don’t get it why gaming still has so much pushback. If he said he watches one overlength movie every day in the evening, there wouldn’t be any discussion here 🙄
