Power over another person, the prerequisite for most sexual violence, doesn’t have to come from superior physical strength. It could come from an age difference, a professor-student or boss-employee dynamic, or some form of blackmail, for example. And the body can experience physical arousal in response to the right stimuli even when you don’t want to have sex. You can also do acts of sexual violence that do not require an erect penis.

1. Rape does not always involve physically overpowering someone. Someone may coerce someone else into sex with blackmail, lies, threats, or abuse of a position of power.

2. Erections are controlled by a person’s autonomic nervous system. A man can get hard even when he is not turned on or consenting to what is happening.

3. Not all rape involves a penis. A woman who sticks an object into a man without his consent is committing rape. Rape is about power and control over another person, and the rapist need not be directly stimulated for rape to occur.

Erections are a biological response to stimulus, desire is not required.

For example a man could be overpowered, tied-up, and teased manually until erect. This is only one possibility but there are many other ways

Also penetration doesn’t need to happen for it to still be considered rape.

By your logic a woman couldn’t be raped because she got wet and had an orgasm. Getting an erection isn’t a conscious thing that men will by, like lifting an arm. Plenty of men also get physically abused by their girlfriends / wives, despite being physically stronger and technically able to overpower them. If you really cannot fathom how psychological pressure & abuse works then I am not sure where to even start. I got raped by my ex early in my life when I was sleeping. And yes, men can get a boner when asleep too. I woke up during the event, obviously confused, and just went with it, before falling asleep again. I only understood what even really happened much much later in life.

Maybe it helps with understanding when you think of examples of female rape that isn’t a stranger beating up a woman in a dark alley.

Like Harvey Weinstein. Countless women have come forward about rape and sexual violence from him. I doubt he always used physical violence on these women. But he was this all powerful person in the filmindustry who could and would destroy lives and careers with a wave of his hand if you’d deny him.

Very often rape and sexual violence comes out of a power dynamic where the victim (no matter the gender) feels they don’t have a choice. Physical violence does not have to be involved.

Coersion. For example, “if you don’t have sex with me right now, we’re breaking up/I’m divorcing you/I’m going to ruin your life by doing xyz.” And when you say no, she’ll threaten to call the cops on you for some made up bullshit, but they’ll believe her over you because she’s the woman and you’re the man.

Also, you don’t have to be erect to have someone force you into performing sex acts. She could force you to perform oral on her, she could grope you, she could even penetrate you.

But if this happens to you, fight back.

you can get a boner without intellectually wanting to have sex. One of the fucked up things about rape is the body still is activating the chemicals that cause pleasure which fucks with the head of the victim and it does not matter what direction the rape is in.

I think some jurisdictions count it as rape if the victim consented under certain circumstances, but the rapist changed those circumstances.

Like consenting to sex with a condom on, but the rapist removes the condom and continues.

Usually it’ll be something like,

“If you try to put up a fight I’ll scream, guess who everyone’s gonna believe?”

Or if you’re really unlucky,

“Be my baby’s daddy!”, suddenly locks legs like a vise and begins grinding like there’s no tomorrow

With girl on guy it’s a lot less about physical overpowering and a lot more about weaponized social biases or lying about the intent of consensual sex for the purpose of trapping them into something.

If you’ve seen the infamous “Female Dating Strategy” forums, a lot of “tricks and tips” they come out with to “lock down your man” or “make him commit already!” basically amount to some form of Girl on Guy SA, either socially blackmailing them with the fear of you dragging them into a public accusation, which they aren’t ever gonna recover from even if found completely innocent, or by sabotaging contraceptives or tricking him into finishing inside to make a baby on purpose and then trying to shotgun wedding the whole thing.

Bear in mind that in most countries rape is defined by a forced sexual act by a male.

Women inflict violence by proxy. So she just threatens to get one of her male acquaintances to harm you. This is also why women on male violence appears so much lower then male on woman violence. That and the fact that society is very incredulous and dismissive of male victims of female violence.