I can only speak for myself.

I’m coming to the conclusion that I just don’t like most people. It’s hard to find real ones, and when I do, I get extremely anxious about not fucking it up, to a counterproductive and avoidant degree (they can’t learn to dislike me if I never subject them to me).

Inside me are two wolves: the desperate people pleaser, and the bitter sectarian. Their conflict produces an infinite amount of anxiety.

Knowing your own needs, whether outside or within social relationships isn’t always easy. And then communicating them well isn’t easy either. Then the third difficult step is actually having them met and meeting others needs so the relationship can continue.

For example, in my tabletop role-playing group, we do a check in before we meet and at the start of the meeting to see if everyone is actually up for playing multiple hours on that day. If someone had little sleep and can’t focus or had a bad week and needs to talk or whatever, we change it to something that works for everyone. Eg a casual board game night with multiple short games that require less focus or just a hangout with snacks and room to get support.

Maybe you crave companionship (whatever that means for you) out of a real genuine need and either you and/or your group/person just haven’t figured out yet the best way to meet everyone’s needs as individual needs and contexts constantly change.

Yes lol. And moving out on my own hasn’t made it much better. If anything its made my desire for connection stronger. Yet, especially for the past year, I just dont feel like I don’t have th energy for it.

So I’ll have days where I’m at home where I’m just thinking ‘wow it sure is lonely here’. Then go out, say to work, and even though I generally get along with my coworkers, just feel absolutely burned out after a day of interacting with them and want nothing more than to isolate myself all over again.

I call myself a cat. Though latley I’ve been honest with myself and a lot of time I don’t actually want companion ship outside some close personal favorites. However if you want more personal favorites you have to mingle with new.

I force myself to socialize because I’m human and its good for me. Despite suffering from social anxiety and agoraphobia. I at least get to blame it on the fact that growing up I basically was raised alone and isolated. Outside of school (where I had little to no friends for most of it and was bullied relentlessly)

Honestly given everything I’m actually very proud of myself for pushing for a society that I actively struggle with because I know its better then the hell I’ve put up with. I’m also fairly active in the local scene (though not as much as I would like lately because of my health) and constantly pushing my boundaries. Younger me would not recognize me for several reasons. So I tend to give myself some slack in this area since as I mentioned I was socialized to be a cat.

I do feel this deeply. It’s why I always just seek very low-pressure, chill situations where there’s never an expectation but just like… if we feel like it.

Sadly, I think modern-living atomisation and attitudes are quite anathema to that dynamic. If you’re not committing to your real-life friendship (and haven’t been friends for years already) then it just falls apart because you’ll never naturally run into them like we would’ve in ye olden times.

My best ongoing social successes have been local walking/hobby groups FWIW. You get the low-expectation dynamic without having to put in lots of anxious effort.

I relate. I’m desperate for affection but the process of eventually being affectionate with others is so, so exhausting. I wish I was like everyone else, making friends easily, falling in love on whim without awkardness, etc.

I don’t know about you but I am mostly surrounded by chauvinist treatlerites who view learning other languages or cultures as a threat to their insular world of jingoistic white supremacy

No (genuinly dont know how to even find people to interact with)

I think I’m pretty good at predicting which gatherings I will enjoy and which will just be tiring. Of course I often don’t act on that knowledge because I don’t want to be rude.

I think hexbear has some video streaming thing that people did live chat in (not tankie tube), but I don’t know what happened to it. It seems that there is a rather large amount of people here who all want to talk to other people who aren’t chuds, the obvious solution is that we could talk to each other. While text chat is fun (and more anonymous), voice chat is more personal and easier to connect with other people over.

Yeah and how stupid is that. Like a bird that feels pain from flying. Fucking ridiculous.

I desire interpersonal connection and I really like most people but I shut down when I get close to people which is why I have a diagnosed personality disorder

I love socialising and being around people but I’m also super insecure about how people see me and about being rejected and being around people takes so much energy for me. I need to be alone to recharge. I also lack the ability to maintain relationships because the everyday grind takes all my attention.

Yes. Same. That’s so me bestie etc etc

“That’s what life’s all about – adventure! Not knowing!” said Ned.

“No it isn’t,” Bill rejected.

“I want adventure! I want romance!” Ned insisted.

“Ned,” argued Bill, “There’s no such thing as adventure. There’s no such thing as romance. There’s only trouble, and desire.”

“Trouble and desire?” asked Ned.

“That’s right.” Bill explained, “And the funny thing is, when you desire something, you immediately get in trouble, and when you’re in trouble, you don’t desire anything at all.”

“I see,” said Ned.

“It’s impossible,” lamented Bill.

“It’s ironic,” agreed Ned.

“It’s a fuckin’ tragedy is what it is, Ned,” said Bill.

https://youtu.be/d9t3C-8ZVTU?t=20s