Don’t worry. I’ll only reply with funny-bad quotes, not horrifying-bad ones. I was involved enough in the fandom to have experienced plenty of both.
That’s the second biggest monkey head I’ve ever seen!
“My sister and I went into deep discussion over the matter. We consulted with every sage we knew of every race; dragons, griffins, the buffalo, the zebra-- we even used the Window of Dimension to peer into other realms and speak with creatures of other times and planes of existence. Von Mises, Hayek, Bastiat, Sowell…”
She didn’t mention consulting with Keynes, Marx or Galbraith, for the same reason you would not mention the time you had passed through a small town in a foreign land and patiently listened to the ramblings of the village idiot… Marx was an eighteenth century crackpot who thought a cherry pie and a mud pie should cost the same because they both took an hour to make. And Keynes thought that having the government take your wallet and max out all your credit cards would improve your finances, because spending lots of money was proof you had a robust economy… This sort of thinking requires a lifetime of higher education; No mere mortal could be that idiotic.
Now I just picture a Marx pony with a beard and a hammer and sickle getting drunk on apple cider.
“In the college dating scene, you have the top 70% of attractive females chasing the top 30% of alpha bad boys. You’ve been lied to all your life that girls want a nice, sweet guy and this depresses you since you’ve only recently worked that out. This is why you’re playing Equestria Online on a Friday night instead of dating.”
Libertarian + Incel, two great tastes that taste great together
“The state shouldnt exist but also it should assign me a girlfriend.”
Now she fully understood why Celestia was so determined to help the poor humans, and why Equestria had bothered to invade the earth.
Humans were intelligent, fully self-aware, fully conscious, fully sapient beings. But they had been so unfortunate as to arise in a universe without any magic to speak of. Souls were only and purely magic. If anything at all in all of existence was a magical thing, a spirit, a soul, absolutely, completely was. These poor, naked apes were self aware, they understood their mortality, but they were little more than chemical machines. For this species, in this universe, dead… was dead. When the machine stopped, they stopped, and that was the end of them. Each precious one of them was an entire cosmos of dreams and thoughts and hopes and fears just by themselves, yet all were nothing more than chemicals and electricity banging around a primate skull.
Conversion turned that chemical robot into an Equestrian - that was the real reason behind powering the nanomachines of the ponification serum with the miracle of Equestrian magic. It wasn’t merely to avoid conservation of mass issues, or to sidestep entropy, or to avoid generating heat. No. Ponification serum was what it was so as to infuse and transform those chemical, molecular-machine human minds with a truly living lacework of real magic, so that they, as ponies, could join the eternal herd. The true purpose of Conversion was to grace the poor ape robots with nothing less than souls.
This is like turning a page of the necronomicon
Trelawney finally had enough. She marched to the front doors, her parading minions in her wake, and barged in, the bell on the door jangling as they poured into the dining area. “YOU!” she said, pointing at the guy running the grill with an outstretched finger. She stood tall and defiant as Galadriel at the mirror pool. “Defiler! You desecrate the sacred acolyte’s ascension with your ROASTED FLESH OF MURDER!”
The teenager wielding the spatula blinked. “Uh, no, it’s cow, I’m pretty sure,” he said.
Trelawney gave him a half-shriek of disgust. She turned to Taylor and all but flung herself on her knees. “Please do not do this, anointed one,” she half-whimpered. “Don’t pollute your ascended body with the flesh of innocent animals!”
Taylor gave her a contemptuous look. “Madame Trelawney, what did you tell me your spirit animal was again?”
“The great horned owl, herald of wisdom, and the white fox, who–”
“And what do you think owls and foxes live on-- celery sticks?” Taylor snorted. “Go away, Madame Trelawney,” she sing-songed, “your spirit animals are laughing at you.”
The Tambourine Heads who had followed her in gasped in scandalized shock. Trelawney shot to her feet in a towering rage and opened her mouth to go into one of her famous squalling, honking tirades
aren’t pony canonically luddites? much to think about
He remembered the simultaneous suicide bombers; one November day years ago, dozens of suicide bombers walked into Equestria Experience centers and detonated themselves. In every case, there had been no casualties or structural damage. Some of the former suicide bombers started worshiping Celestia and immediately emigrated to Equestria. Over the next week, the Afghan population dropped by one million.
i doubt it was explosive with horse carrying capacity, maybe spoiled milk though. but equestrian big milk won’t tell you what happens to those cows anyways
Daisy’s shock transformed into rage much faster. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? He’s a fucking worthless male! He’s disposable!”
Boy my friend sure does make the best cupcakes. I cannot wait to visit her in her home and partake of them.
“Celestia had quite a eugenics program going at that time.”
What possible use could a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle have?
This wasn’t the first time she’d been confronted with such verbal sophistry. She’d been a student on a college campus, where such twittery seemed to flourish the most. Equestria was a fairly peaceful nation, but every now and then it would be faced by some clear and present danger to itself: some mad cult, or political conspiracy, or even networks of spies, saboteurs, mad bomb flinging anarchists… and without fail there would be some half-wit self-appointed Defender of the Little Pony who would get up on a soapbox and blurt something along these lines and think it was a challenging ethical argument. “What if I were one of them? What if your loved ones were members? What would you do? Would you really cooperate with the Tyrant Princess(es) in oppressing our civil whatevers and wherefores, etc. ad nauseum?”
Comment
Spike leaned over to look at the book that Twilight was looking at, The Second World War - A Guide. He noticed a grainy, black-and-white picture of a rather greasy, mean-looking human holding his arm straight out, as if he was giving some form of salute.
The dragons of the isle of scaly are pretty silly to be distrustful of the ponies who came to help get their powers back from the evil allocorn.
I’ve only seen the 3d one on netflix
In stark, horrified disbelief, I saw that his cutie mark was actually a splayed torso.
Like Tony stark?
“People are too afraid to abandon their fleshy ape-bodies to live the pony life.”
I realize there’s plenty of people who have fine opinions that like MLP but I’ve always been under the impression a lot of the adult fans have absolutely rancid vibes.
CW: Racism
An islamic fanaticist hasn’t got a touch, my friends, on a government bureaucrat for believing in whatever is written on their personal collection of sacred papers.
You think I lie? One couple living in the middle of the Arizona desert had the EPA classify their property as wetlands. Another man lost control of his own land in Washington State due to an environmentalist filing a form that classified it as a preserve for, among other things on the checklist, Bigfoot. Someone wrote it, someone else filed it, someone else went out and enforced it. If you gave a bureaucrat a sawhorse and a federal document calling it Secretariat, they would dutifully enter it in the Kentucky Derby.
and I’ll reply with with a quote from a My Little Pony fanfic
That was Richard The Dick. Síofra had little names for each of her co-workers, based on their personality and behavior. Richard The Dick enjoyed talking about his gun collection, making racist and sexist jokes, talking about the guns he wanted to buy, how cool guns were, polishing his barrels, and exploding small animals with deliberately excessive ordnance. He was also vastly less than polite. Worse, Síofra suspected he was a member of NAMBLA, though he claimed the newsletter that had arrived by accident was a joke played on him by a frenemy.
Fuck me up fam
Rainbow Dash stopped and ground her teeth together, flailing her forehooves at the air. “Where do they get off— Is THAT how it works? I just HAVE to be a…a… because I don’t dress all frilly froo froo and I like sports? Is that it?? I’m STRAIGHT, darn it, just like ninety nine percent of the rest of the world! Go find somebody else to be your fetish, ya—”
I do really like the cuteness od rhr show, but Applejack being American western frontier settler coded always made me a little uncomfortable and then I saw the bison episode
“Well, it’s not that everyone hates McDonald’s. It’s not even most people…Most people like it well enough, or are indifferent to it.” I pondered. “Now, mind, there are some people— well, for them, hating Mcdonald’s is an ideology.”
Puzzled glances were exchanged. “Iiii don’t think we quite follow,” Twilight said.
"Well it’s like this. Most people who don’t like McDonald’s say ‘I don’t like McDonald’s, I’ll eat somewhere else.’ Then there are people who say “I hate McDonald’s, I want the government to come in and tear down the building so I can set fire to the rubble.'”
“And what has them so hostile?” Rarity said.
“It’s a bit complicated…they don’t hate the food so much as they hate what they think the restaurant stands for…among other things, McDonald’s so big they’ve become a de facto symbol for “American Imperialism,” as it were.”
“American Imperialism? So America is conquering other countries and forcing them to eat their food?” Fluttershy said. “That sounds mean.”
“Weird, but mean,” Twilight added.
I had a brief vision of Ronald Reagan, made up as Ronald McDonald, holding some third-world peasant in a hammerlock and punching a Big Mac into their open mouth with his fist. “Eat the burger! Eat it for FREEDOM!”
…I shook my head to clear it. “No, you misunderstand.” I searched for the words to explain the modern concept of Imperialism. “It’s not that America is conquering anyone or forcing them to buy stuff. It’s… it’s just that American things… like McDonald’s… are very popular with the common people wherever they go. And this upsets people who see our culture as dominating everything, and who want a different culture to be on top.”
“So they’re calling you all an Evil Empire,” Applejack said slowly, “'cause you bring stuff that people like more’n their stuff?”
“Um…” I chewed for a minute. “I suppose that’s a relatively accurate summary.”
“Sounds like a bunch o’ sour apples,” Applejack said.
“That too.” I nodded. “There are people…elitists… who simply seethe with envy and spite and arrogance. Nothing makes them angrier than seeing ordinary people choose a McDonald’s burger over whatever the spiteful people think they ought to eat or ought to like. Elitists don’t think the lowly peasants— that’s you and me-- should think for ourselves. They don’t think we can. And it drives them to bilious fury when we insist on doing so.” I took a long slurp of soda. “Almost as much as when the choices we make prove them wrong. They think everyone should be ‘equal’… and when one group does better than another, that’s proof to them that the winner cheated.”
Amazing
“LOOK AT ME!” The shimmery dark purple stallion suddenly dropped to all four hooves from the podium and ambled to the right, showing off his flank side, neck turned so that his eyes remained fixed on the six ponies attending. “LOOK… at what they did to me! Look, really LOOK… at the horror of what I have become!”
The golden light from the firefly lanterns rippled down his muscular body, gleaming from his dark indigo coat. He tossed his mane, to get the long, luxurious strands out of his eyes, and the locks poured like liquid gold across his withers. His strong barrel and powerful hocks seemed larger than life on the small stage. His tail was like a waterfall of riches, his hooves shining perfection.
Hello fellow Sickos! What’s going on in this… By the HEXBEAR 
“And in Western society, social factors certainly apply. Women tend to select for social status, the ability to project dominance, and extroversion. Many males are not taught this; they’re taught behaviours that are counterproductive and unattractive to women. Likewise, women who don’t adhere to the feminine ideal are not highly desired by men. This misalignment causes misery for everyone and I am in a unique position to actually satisfy everyone and everypony’s values.”
And the Honorary Ayn Rand for Poorly Trojaning Author’s Beliefs goes to this :absolute-cinema: of :projection: for ponyporn. I only wish it went for 70+ more pages of monologuing to really cinch the win.
He looked over and saw the colt, head still hanging low, trying to hide a smirk. He reached over and cuffed the boy upside the head with his hoof. The colt yelped and covered his head. “hey, what–”
“Don’t think I’m on your side here, kid,” Shining Armor said sternly. “Something tells me that you’ve done nothing to keep from living down to their expectations. You’re not out of the woods just yet.”
