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You talk too much
You talk about weird stuff
You talk too loud
You talk too fast
raises hand
I may be obnoxious on Hexbear, but you guys see a side of me I keep hidden from most people
Unfortunately I’ve recently started being medicated for ADHD and while holy shit it has changed my life for the better, it’s also removed a lot of my filter, so I’m having to learn to be comfortable with being myself and not everyone liking that
I may be obnoxious on Hexbear, but you guys see a side of me I keep hidden from most people
Startin to feel like it might be a widespread experience to be silent and reserved irl and loud as hell (positive connotation) online.
Memories of being a kid and my mum telling me to shut up cos i talk too much and slowly being conditioned into someone that never says anything. Then get the opposite problem of people criticising my lack of saying anything and it makes me wish every NT on the planet would explode so I can spend 1 minute of my life not being ruthlessly judged for every single action.
I am too learning to be ok that not everyone will like my real self but this guy at work i literally live rent free in his head and i seem to have people who like viscerally hate me and i didnt really do anything other than exist. Its perturbing to say the least.
With the other adhders i do meet irl conversations with them will ever increase in volume until we’re basically yelling at each other and then once done (after like 4 straight hours) will feel very good and basically fall in love. Its such a consistent handshake its actually kind of scary
God I feel this too
Oh yeah, a lot of people do not actually like to hear it as it is
This is why I keep to my immediate family and friends
Extended family did not like to hear about how shitty they were
For me it’s less that, and more that if I don’t stop myself I get too intensely hyperfixated on a certain topic and people can find that overwhelming or weird.
Like Dort we just said hello, we don’t need to know the entire history of beekeeping and how you relate to bees on an emotional level
Also I suck at knowing when a conversation is over
Also I talk about myself too much
Tell us about the bees!
This is a bee that landed on me in vietnam.
That looks like a wasp! Maybe a paper wasp or a mud daubler of some kind
Wasps get such a bad reputation, its always like “I destroyed this wasps home and killed its family, but it stung me, I am the victim”.
I’ve literally had wasps hang out for hours as I dug a big hole less than a foot from its nest and not get aggro until I accidentally flung dirt on its nest.
People are amazed when i tell them about the anti-wasp infrastructure i have installed; get this, its a big-ass garden! There are so many species of bees and wasps that hang out in the garden and, even when I’m working in it, they really couldn’t care less about me.
I wonder if there’s some correlation between denying a being food and housing and treating it with violence on sight, and it being in a constant state of fight or flight
This is a bee that landed on bee in beeietnam.
Could she be an asian giant hornet? I’m friendly to hornets too and won’t kill em but I think you’re exceedingly brave for getting this photo.
Nah, Giant Asian Hornets have more stripes.
Ah, well, i love bees and i would love to hear all about them and your relationship with them
I kinda miss being a beekeeper, if I had even a little space I’d consider setting up a hive or two as a hobby. Alas I’m in an apartment & none of my family will let me set up a hive in their backyards
How many houseplants do you need to sustain a hive?
More than fit in my apartment, bees search a wide area around their hives (~2 miles if I’m remembering right) for plants to harvest nectar/pollen from. If I had a backyard I could do some urban beekeeping especially since I’m near some nice green space but I feel like my building would have something to say if I set up a hive on my balcony (though I have been tempted)
Disguised bee house as bird house.
Hey, I just started ADHD meds myself! I’m glad it’s working for you!
It’s been weird seeing my brain focus on things, and stop bouncing around all the time.
It actually made me angry that I couldn’t afford it sooner (because up until recently you had to see a psych every time you needed a script and thats very expensive), because I had no idea just how much easier things are when you don’t have to battle exectutive dysfunction. Like holy shit you mean this is how other people can just get things done? Why did I have to do things the hard way for so long?
I have gotten so much shit done, even simple things like self care and eating right are so much easier now.
Which meds/dosage if you don’t mind me asking?
Oh uh I don’t see why not I guess, Vyvance 40mg
Cheers! I’m glad to hear it works for you. I tried Ritalin or Adderall at one point in my life but really didn’t like the side effects though something to help me focus would be nice.
Fucking me, people first meeting me think I’m quiet and reserved but if I feel comfortable around you I’ll never shut up.
Also convinced that I’m undiagnosed autistic so that may be connected, I learned early on not everyone is as enthusiastic about specific topics as me
Me at work when the NTs insist I need to come out of my shell and I tell them they don’t want me out of my shell. I learned and continue to learn the hard way that most people will legitimately despise you over nothing then make it their lives goal to ruin yours.
I get ridiculed for being flat and unhelpful as well but I literally don’t know how to play the game they play.
I dont get the chance to talk that often so when it does I machinery takes so long to warm up the opportunity passes before I open my mouth.
This sentence perfectly encapsulates my experience also. If you were trapped in a room with me, we would get talking fluently eventually. Less a trust thing, just… at first I’m never ready. Then the person leaves and assumes I hate them.
alcohol used to make my machinery warm up VERY quickly, but now that i had to stop drinking, i can feel the hamster wheel trying to turn, but nothing happening. lol
The grammar error I made somehow adds to the argument lol.
I talk inwardly mostly, I have most outward want driven out. I am selective
I think im ok at reading people despite my schizophrenia.
I generally just try to find some form of common ground with people that allows some form of bonding. I dont need to love the topic or be super into it mind you.
My only problem is I tend to overshare and I need to be more careful with whom I share truths. I dont mind lying to be honest but I do find it a bit of a shame that honesty can often be a drawback.
Real, still struggling, even right now~!
Very emotional vent
It’s tough having learnt instincts to not reach out so you basically become the silent invisible one that only shows up when something that required someone showed up. Like, when I was in highschool, there was tons of group projects and partner activities that I was just dragged to by whoever was closest to me (sometimes it was a friend, but they too departed from me once they found more neurotypical people) and when eventually, people just… stop talking to me, or I’m unable to keep a conversation going they just… go.
Like, even now, but especially before, a liberal atmosphere permeates, in the sense that they hold both progressive opinions (anti-corruption, somewhat acceptant of LGBTQIA+) but also conservative opinions (certain internet culture, politics) that make someone like me, who would be the type to logically analyze a situation and provide both a ‘this is from my logical thinking’ side and ‘here’s what I found curious / emotionally driving’ side.
I… realized that I couldn’t contribute to anyone’s issues emotionally because I had plenty and I couldn’t… say any of it because I prioritised their lives over mine. So, I stuck to being logical, but it gets tiring, and so after years of unstable and insecure relationships and total alienation from the education system as an undiagnosed something, by the end, I didn’t feel connected to that school, nor it’s students, and I moved on with many many regrets.
that happens to me with any social group and has continued to plague me into middle age.
age and experience make it easy to dismiss the rejection from personal/public groups; but there’s nothing to be done about employers who do the same thing
Ugh, thanks for the elementary school flashbacks.
Real
Too real
Was just thinking about how I haven’t spoken to anyone at all today. Good thing I now have a partner who I can go home to and is as autistic as I am.
Nah, for me I genuinely dislike talking and listening to people talk. Fundamentally, live speech is completely sequential, and this does not jive with my thought process at all. It does not offer a means of parallelism since each segment of time has to be reserved for exactly one morpheme. This is not true for writing since there’s nothing stopping you from skipping around or even recorded speech since you could always play around with channels. And those are, of course, vastly inferior to diagrams like flow charts, schematics, graphs, and so on.
