I am not sure what bad taste in pizza has to do with dishwashers, but if my kids bought dominoes I would be upset too.
Just out of curiosity, who raised her?
Probably an iPad
Exactly. Parents who complain about their kids behavior…like, did you drop them off with a pack of wolves or did you actually pay attention to them and take time out for them to teach them as opposed to yelling, dictating and insulting them?
Oh wait, maybe that’s just how I was brought up.
Yeah, my parents are still wondering “where did we go wrong,” as if they’re surprised I turned out to be worthless…
Like, I fought like hell to thrive despite how they raised me, and in the end it came crashing down around me because the psychological conditioning was just too deep set.
And it didn’t help that every time I started to get on my feet, they dragged me back down cause I guess it made them feel bad when they saw me start to do well any time I managed to cut them off temporarily. Buy they’d wriggle their way back into my life and start sabotaging everything all over again by talking down to me in strategic ways designed to trigger my ancient complexes and insecurities like only they know how to do…
I know it’s just words, but try like hell to make a life despite them. I know that with the state of things right now that’s crazy hard to do.
My mom actually got jealous when I finally got a nicer vehicle than she and my dad had. I drove clunkers my entire life until the last 8-9 years and I was proud of my new nice vehicle and she couldn’t even be happy for me. All she could see is that her gay child who escaped the evangelical upbringing was actually living better than she and my father.
The toxicity runs deep in some parents.
Also, you’re not worthless!
I can’t, it’s too late for that. The struggle and psychological pressure led to too many mental breakdowns, and I’ve embarrassed myself in public too many times to step outside anymore. I used to live independently but a series of trips to the mental hospital and a spiral of crushing debt led me squarely back into their basement where things were still turbulent for a couple years and I made a series of attempts to move out on my own again but I’m just so psychologically broken at this point that I can’t pull off the most basic things.
And yeah, they definitely had that evangelical strain of conservative christianity. It’s how I was raised and that did a hell of a lot of damage too, even completely aside from the constant put-downs speckled with unrealistically high expectations.
Being sheltered and homeschooled and taught the bible from a baptist perspective and going to a church youth group where I met my abuser and was told to look up to him as a leader didn’t help much either. By the time I was an adult I couldn’t even interact with people. I spent all those years when most people are learning how to socialize and be normal, instead I was learning the opposite. People picked up on that easily and so I was ostracized and demeaned even more, cause people love ganging up on an easy target.
By the time I started deprogramming from religion it still took me several years to complete the process, and that finally leaves me at square one, albeit without the decades of social skills that most people have cultivated by my age. And in addition I have all the baggage of every foolish thing I’ve said or done along the way.
There’s really no path forward for me. I’m a hikikomori at this point and I’m just barely starting to accept that fate with resignation.
By any chance, are you neurodivergent or suspect you may be? Before I learned that I was my life made no sense, and I stayed hella depressed. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed as autistic that my life slowly started making more sense. That doesn’t excuse or dismiss the damage caused by your parents, but it does provide a new reframing of things.
Almost certainly. But I never got screened as a kid even when I begged to find out what’s wrong with me, because back then an autism diagnosis would have brought shame on the family or whatever, so I just got yelled at and told to stop asking…
And yes, my life does make a lot more sense when I consider that I might be on the spectrum, but that’s not enough to convince people to understand or be accommodating. Hell, even if I had a diagnosis, most people still wouldn’t understand or be accommodating.
And besides, I’ve asked my healthcare providers later as an adult to screen me, but it’s not exactly their specialty. Also that was back when I was a regular pot smoker and they told me I had to be off weed for a year before they would send me to a specialist.
It’s been about a year since I’ve smoked weed at this point, but it’s also been longer than that since I’ve seen a doctor and I’m pretty sure they’ve already disenrolled me from their system. I also just don’t feel like going through the hassle anymore.
Lol, this is what I tell my wife when she complains about one of our kids. “Guess they weren’t brought up right”.
For real though…children are humans with independent thoughts and a world of influences. Blaming parents for anything kids do wrong is insane, as if they’re little automatons who have been programmed by parents.
In my family this would have resulted in one parent telling the other parent that “your daughter” wasn’t raised right. That’s all I’m saying.
Gift idea for your daughter
Condiments are the death of refrigerator space. All different sizes, almost never consumed quickly, and they eat up space waiting to be used.
that’s why they have shelves in the doors. also, why is the syrup in the fridge?
If you look closely, you’ll see that syrup is structural, load bearing syrup. That’s why it’s in the fridge.
I put my condiments in the veggie drawers and my veggies on the shelves, lol. Can more easily see what I still have and if it’s going bad. Too many goopy cilantro or zucchini experiences
Why would you look at this and not understand the door shelves are full too?
Syrup lasts longer in the fridge, particularly real maple syrup. It can get mold growing on it.
why would you look at this and not understand that there is likely some expired or never used product that could be thrown out to make room in the door shelves?
That’s not what we’re debating. Don’t change the subject.
Change the subject? I just gave you back what you gave me you weirdo
Weirdly enough I had a similar problem until I took the Washington state food handlers test and certification online. It basically showed me why many of my untrained food storage habits were actually dangerous.
I mean … I still do that but at least now I know.
Remember that those are designed to cover asses and cater to people with many different levels of working immune system. You may or may not need to actually be anywhere near that strict in your own home.
You know you’re telling on yourself right. Parents are supposed to teach their kids these skills, man what have you been doing!! (/s)
Holy shit this thread is full of holier than thou judgy comments!
I have always been the strict one, no phones at the table, no devices in the room. I taught my daughter to cook, the correct way to clean. I taught her manners.
I learned patience and fortitude as I made her do these things over and over again until they were done right, instead of doing them myself.
My daughter has AuDHD, something that can be a reason but that we never let be an excuse. Part of that disability is struggling with executive function, and you know what? More often than not, she does this same shit. Yes, even at 20 years old.
There are times I needed support and wanted to post similar things somewhere just so someone else could bear witness to how fucking hard it is to raise a kid like that right.
When she was 12 I watched her stand at the sink for I shit you not 6 fucking hours doing the dishes for a family of 3. We watched her and took little notes. Here is a one hour excerpt:
1810 - playing with foam and masher
1812 - playing with masher + silicone mixer (red), then just the foam and silicone mixer
1813 - rubs silicone mixer on spatula, then puts the red mixer in the clean. Lightly rubs once on each side of the spatula and calls it cleaned.
1814 - playing with sponge. Holding it upright and squeezing to so runs down arm. Then gets a plate to the surface, and uses sponge to drip water + foam over plate (no direct contact).
1815 - refills sponge, and squeezes over arm again. Then gives 2 circles over the plate in the clean area, and calls it done. Goes back to playing with sponge, picking up foam with it and putting it on another dish.
1816 - sponges hand. Then cleans 1 glass. Picks up 2nd glass, but does a water cycle in it. No sponge action.
1817 - after doing nothing for 30 seconds, sponge stuffed in glass then twisted about gingerly.
1818 - glass with inside sponge twisted put in cleaning part of sink, sponge drained over it. Outside of glass not cleaned. Stands there still for next half minute
1819 - stands there still for first half of minute, gets whisk and whisks about. Drops whisk back in water then walks into lounge room
1820 - walks around lounge room, then plays with sponge
1821 - plays with sponge
1821 - still playing with sponge
1822 - rustles some cutlery after being reminded of being watched, then plays with water
??? - wonders off to get hair tie to put in pony tail. Turned on fan.
1829 - 4 things rinsed. Then looking outside. Then playing with pasta strainer
1830 fills pasta strainer, then lifts to see water fall through it. Holds in front of fan towards face. 5 swipes of the sponge, then plays with fan.
1831 - mentions not getting dessert. After being reminded of being watched, starts to sponge correctly.
1832 - rinses 4 items. Doesn’t rinse inside cat bowl.
1833 - handles the pot for a while before touching sponge. Now using pot scraper.
1837 - puts cutlery on clean side even though didn’t clean with sponge. then uses “pot sponge” on cutlery, not regular sponge.
1839 - scoops up foam with large pot spoon, then drops it in.
1841 - now cleans up dinner mess left on table. Out of order on procedure. 1842 - uses sharp side of knife to scrape off cutting board
1843 - confused by used skewers. Puts it down when asked to work it out.
1855 - puts away cleaned knife, then takes another out to look at
1857 - looking intently at finger for a long time.
1859 - using green pot scrubber on plastic containers scratching them
This went on for I am not exaggerating 6 hours. After that I resolved to never judge a parent for not being able to teach their kid something like washing dishes, because for every A type that just fucking does things there is a B type that drives you insane. Most parents give up and just do it themselves.
Now that she’s 20 she is doing better, we estimate she is 2-3 years behind her peers when it comes to this sort of maturity and executive functioning. She doesn’t take hours to do something, but may take 16 reminders.
Anyway OP, keep fighting the good fight. We all do our best and sometimes a kid just … Refuses to learn.
I know the feeling. Both of my parents do stuff like this and it drives me crazy. I’ve had to clean out the fridge/freezer multiple times and have found so much food that went bad.
My mom firmly believes that empty space is a sin. No matter the context; fridge, attic, basement. This made sense when I was very young, we were a family of 8 and she was the only one working, so she always went insane with coupons, and sales, and “free” stuff. We are no longer a family of 8, nor are we insanely poor, yet her habits have not changed. It pisses me off when I open the freezer, and find it packed like the opening game of Jenga. How the hell am I supposed to find anything in here, let alone reach it? I’d have to take everything out first, and then somehow put it back.
Waking up to find yet more shit on the counters and wanting to just swipe it into the trash. It’s not free real estate meme in here! I need the counters clear for cooking, it’s not extra storage agghhhh. Stuff does not go on top of the ice cube trays!!!
A fridge full of condiments and no food. Why don’t you throw out some of those (probably expired) jars of goop so there’s room for leftovers?
You’re right, I’m getting side tracked; let’s keep the conversation about your daughter. Maybe you should have a talk with who raised her?
Edit: just saw your linked post about the dishwasher. Wow dude. Two years and you’re bitching to the internet instead of raising your children. I hope you’re looking forward to sitting in that nursing home wondering why the kids never call.
Well he’s obviously busy drinking his own adulthood away, she probably was in a rush to get away from his drunk ass.
Since you didn’t learn from the top comment in your last thread, allow me to repeat it here:
It’s your fault, accept the shame and teach her.
As I discovered the hard way with my wife, if someone doesn’t care about something, you can’t teach them.
You just have to decide if this annoyance is worth putting up with because of other things you love about them.
“efficientlyly”
Yeah, makes sense your daughter isn’t able to do basic things, her parents seem like idiots too.
