edit: rule
I’d like praise now, I’m dying or probably going to soon! Lighten my conscience!!!
I am more pissed at how it takes like 5 minutes of apologizing to fix all awkwardness and resenment completely.
“I apologized therefore everything is resolved and any further conflict is just other people holding on to the past” is such a gaping window into the selfishness of some people.
Neglect is abuse. Loving parents don’t abuse their kids.
I get what you’re saying, but the overriding thing here is that people write what they know.
Abusive fathers aren’t the issue. Abusers with unearned redemption arcs are
Abusers with unearned redemption arcs
This reminds me of when alleged democratic senator John Fetterman castigated his fellow democrats for even mentioning that trump had 34 felony convictions, saying that we were “supposed to be the party of forgiveness”. Bitch, you can’t go around forgiving people who don’t even attempt to apologize, let alone people who keep doing the thing they’re not even apologizing for.
Part of the reason I will never be a father, and will just skip to the die part.
Yeah I don’t have enough in the tank to deal with the adults who act like children at my job, which already doesn’t pay enough to cover having a family as it is, and then come home to children demanding even more energy/attention. I can’t do the shit I want to do in life as it is.
Neglect is absolutely a form of abuse. I feel the need to point out, though, that some dads are dealing with emotional scars of their own. In a few cases, neglect is actually an improvement from what the dads themselves went through.
There’s a stage of maturity in being able to acknowledge why someone acted the way they did, but still recognizing that they needed to do better and need to actually work to heal the damage they did.
GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT SHINJI
I rewatched Inception recently, it’s interesting because it has this trope centered in the plot. Cillian Murphy’s character, Robert Fischer Jr., had a father like this, and while he never believed in his son (at least as far as we’re revealed), the plot centers around having him believe that he did.
I was positively surprised by Drops of God (Apple tv series) in this respect.
At the start you’re like “father can’t have been this bad, I’m sure people are overreacting”. At the end you’re like “omfg what a massive cunt”.
Just about everything coming from AppleTV right now is hitting these marks. Very believable relationships and stakes. The main character’s dad in Shrinking has a moment very similar where he begs him to be better but he just refuses.
Ninjago is the Bioncles of middle zoomers
The what is the what of what now?
Ninja Lego are the robot Lego of kids.
I still have no clue why the movie gave him sea creature-themed henchmen
To sell new lego models.
Invented entirely by deadbeat dads in writing rooms.
“Not now, son. I can’t attend your birthday party because I’ll be busy writing a deadbeat dad who works too much. Luckily, it’s really easy for me to get into his mindset for some reason.”
What about the dad that abandoned their kids but then reappears to ask for help now that their kids have reached success as a physician or other professional peak?
It’s always some bullshit excuse - “they’re going to cut off my electricity” “I need help paying for food” “I got kicked off Medicaid buy haven’t bothered to try to reapply” “I got heart surgery but still don’t plan to stop smoking”
There’s the human appeal of not wanting to see your father suffer. Knowing what it’s like to be poor. Every ~2 months it’s the same phonecall… Hey, can I get $3-500 just to get me through this month?
Where were you for 25+ years mother fucker.
I wouldn’t give a stranger a bunch if money, why would I give someone who abandoned me money. They’re basically a stranger and just using the father/family angle to manipulate who they can into giving them money.
That one is really hard. You aren’t wrong if you say no, change your number, connect them with services, ignore, etc. But you have a heart so it still feels bad. So dad extra sucks for this.
Lots of stuff can be explained by untreated mental health, and intent without action is a symptom of a lot of that stuff. It’s worth being forgiving IF they’re willing and trying, correctly, to improve.
Life is often too nuanced for memes
I try to improve, but I get nowhere, like parts of my brain are broken from CPTSD. I don’t think I get bonus points for trying, even if my “excuse” is my brain didn’t develop normally. I’m just so glad I never had kids - I’m at the age they would be eviscerating me during their teenage years, and I don’t think I could handle such a beatdown, an itemized list of all the ways I’m a shitty human. It’d be a tragic misconception, bc I just want to support the younger generations’ continued efforts towards universal human rights. Which would include universal mental health care and community support programs, so hopefully the situations my family went through that pushed us past our tolerances for physical, mental, and spiritual pain don’t happen to others.
Anyways, thanks for listening to my ramble, I’ve tried “correctly” with a solid 28 years of therapy and medication, I’m not sure what else to do except to keep trying. Life is definitely too nuanced for memes 😂
IMO the essence of life is about persistence. I don’t want to tell you how to live, but I find it worthy to “just keep trying”.
Thank you! I figure that’s all I can do till maybe someday that try/don’t try “there is no try, only do” thing hits 😂💜
Really I just want more of the Ozai situation in media. The shitty parent who actually doesn’t care when the kid doesn’t live up to expectations. Or stories where it doesn’t matter because the damage is damage.
Learning to stop waiting on my father’s love was an important growth step for me.
I don’t think everything is black and white like that. My dad has mental health issues but he does try when he manages to think about doing so.
“Oh no! My parents forgot to feed me for six weeks! It’s okay; they’re unwell.”
Abuse with an excuse is still abuse.
Yet understanding where your parents are coming from is an important step in healing.
yeah I got fucking whiplash when I realized my dad didn’t hate me he’s just super autistic with a touch aversion
i was 29 years old when I realized this, I’m not sure he even has a hint of a clue
My dad is borderline. He tries. He went to therapy and started medication but I think it was too late for him. It’s very hard to change when you’re older.
Can confirm as a 43 yr old that trauma from childhood can be damn near impossible to change, even when it results in behavior I loathe in myself. CPTSD is brutal.
My wife had this realization as well. She’s autistic, and was complaining about some of her dad’s habits. I mentioned that her dad was probably autistic too. She seemed confused.
I pointed out that what she had just complained about were some behaviors that were basically the textbook definition of autism. But he was an Irish Catholic boomer. He grew up in a world where authority figures tried to beat the demons out of him instead of getting him diagnosed. So he probably developed a lot of coping techniques to try and mask. And half of the things she was complaining about were his coping techniques, the other half were the autistic behaviors he was trying to mask.
For her, the realization was like shattering an illusion. Suddenly, she started recognizing all of the traits and behaviors that she never clued into before. Because when she was growing up, all of the behaviors were normalized. And as an autistic person herself, she didn’t even think to question a lot of his peculiarities because they didn’t seem peculiar to her.
That happened with my mom recently. She self diagnosed as autistic last year and has been going to a therapy group. I 100% believe without a single doubt that she is autistic, it makes sooooo many things with her make so much sense.
My problem is, I still need her to say she’s sorry for some pretty terrible things she’s said to me. She won’t do that and just yells at me for things she’s perceived I said/did that I’ve already apologized for a bunch of times. A lot of it is just her misinterpreting my words or actions, I still said sorry.
But I need her to apologize for things like the countless times she’s said “you are not my daughter” over the smallest misperceptions. And she can’t do that so I’m just stuck here feeling like I don’t have a mom.
yeah unfortunately I can relate :/
i went no contact with my mom quite a few years ago for never accepting responsibility for any wrongdoing or apologizing my entire life.
hang in there ❤️
