Hi everybody!
no big post this week, down with cis
I hope everybody has a lovely week!
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spoiler
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sodium_nitride* (5-11 - 5/17) peanutbuttercupola* (5/18 - 5/24) Shaleesh* (5/25 - 5/31) GayTuckerCarlson* (6/1 - 6/7) SwitchyandWitchy* (6/8 - 6/14) Alisu* (6/15 - 6/21) * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
Going on a trip with my comrades. This is going to be so fun. I’ll be girlmoding all the time, it will be awesome, I just know
Why is it girlmodding/boymodding? I read it as girl/boy+modding, which, I guess yeah modifying ourselves? But when spoken I hear (and say) girl/boy+mode+ing, which would give girl/boy+modeing, which then drops the e (cause English is special) to become girlmoding/boymoding.
i think it’s moding? as in i’m in girl mode. modding does sound cool as fuck tho
I keep seeing people write it girlmodding… Maybe my brain is inserting an extra d?
inserting an extra d
It is “moding” though.
bottom dysphoria
having a penis is so disappointing… I can’t think of another word for it. Just put my hand in my lap or whatever and… there it is, I guess. Idk why I need to have this stupid thing. Feels awful. I need a vagina.
sex
I’m kinda guessing here that this is part of dysphoria, but the idea of it being sexualized or anything like that feels so gross and disgusting.
same as above
Starting to realize I might be in a similar boat and it really worries me how my partner might react
DOWN WITH CIS
DOWN WITH CIS
Down with cis!
down with cis
spoiler
Have I genuinely just been completely miserable for the last like week+
what the fuck. Why is life so shit. How and when will I be okay. I feel like puberty, and then figuring out I was trans, has just ruined me. I have no life. Its just pain. No goals get accomplished. Not even the minimum. Fuck me.
Reposting from the last thread to get more eyes.
Earlier, I got pulled on stage to put manacles on a strongwoman so she could break out of them. On one hand,
, but on the other hand, I kinda dislike that she pulled me up because I look dommy because that’s not really how I want to be perceived.Is it at all possible that you were pulled up because you looked
? Or did they say/imply it’s because you looked dommy?The other person who went up also looked dommy, and on stage she had us do evil laughs and villain poses. When I tightened the manacles she said “you’ve done this before”
Oh :( I’m sorry that it was an invalidating experience
crowd work is supposed to be fun and validating for those involvedI’m not bothered by what happened on stage, just by what I was pulled up for.
now see, if 'twere a man I would love to put all the shackles on the poor lad. but considering that it’s a strongwoman…oof this is a tough one
on the other point, you clearly need to look more
in a subtle way to be perceived differently 
I was wearing a flannel and an extremely goofy graphic T on, I don’t think subtle is gonna cut it
hm alright, yeah. you need to look more like
clearly.That’s basically what I was doing, but the look was interpreted as “smoldering” which is what got me pulled up to begin with
try wearing something subtle like this next time:
seriously though, if they perceive a full blown puppy-eye stare as a “smolder” I don’t think it’s a you problem tbh
Here’s the actual shirt I had on
Wow, I’m jelly
Today I successfully made my desires known through communication with words 🥳
I read this cool post about fantasy being real in terms of it speaking to real desire, and it is a way that people shape the world… and I would extend that to say, it is also how people shape themselves. I thought of myself, in terms of being xenogender ✨ and how I sex myself as agender / xenogender (+ masc leaning)
content warning, wierd question
mental illness, suicide
Is imposter syndrome for mentall illness a real thing?
Cause I often think I don’t have a crippling enough excuse to not live up to my own expectations. And I feel like I’m not suicidal enough. Like there’s a voice in my head that makes fun of me for chickening out and not killing myself earlier this year.
spoiler
I have experienced this :( but also, others reinforced it too!! If anyone is ever dismissive of your symptoms, I think it can contribute to that feeling.
I hate that things won’t just happen if I wait, I have to actually do shit
this is about voice training
you can do it!
I will simply sing in the car and hope it magically transforms my vocal cords
ive done this for a while; I think it actually helped a little, now that i am doing the real thing.
Oh great, on the right track! probably better than nothing I suppose
I hate singing so much I go from really feeling the vibe to crying :/ glad that’s something you like though.
I mostly have the volume loud enough to not hear myself, probably helps
C’est la tragedie
And how shit every part of it is. Might be the BIGGEST reason I hate being trans. My fucking voice
Finally got my split open ear pads for my headphones switched out with the new ones I bought, much comfier. And not broken.
You ever have someone that you knew for a short amount of time (a month, a week, a few days, even just a conversation or single comment) but who nevertheless changed you in some big way, and you still think about them years later and wish you could talk to them again and just know what they’re doing now and tell them how they changed your life and everything? But like, you were just some person they met once years ago and they don’t think about you, probably don’t even remember you. I have many of these people.
ashinadash
Yeah :(
Definitely a few of mine were people here. For all I know, some could still be here even. But both of us on a different account. Weird to think about. I love to stew my brain in weird nostalgic longing for people like that sometimes though
Like posters even who I never talked to, just people who’s posts were very important to me figure out that I’m trans
Been thinking a lot today about the first person to ever make me feel desirable. I was sure I’d be alone forever, that no one could possibly want me, until they did. We went on two dates a week apart, it didn’t worj between us. But my self hatred began to crumble in the face of the indisputable fact that someone thought I was attractive. 6 months later I was on hrt and in love with my first girlfriend. I wish I could tell them that; they cried and felt so bad about ending it, they thought they had hurt me and I never saw them again
I was this person for someone too. Seeing me happy and confident helped her have the courage to come out. Only we met again years later and she told me that (I’d had no idea). It made me so happy and feel so good about myself to know I’ve actually made some kind of positive impact on that world. I thought it very romantic too; we’re girlfriends now 🥰🥰🥰
we’re girlfriends now
Good ending!
A very good one!! T4t is so amazing
I Agree! Met my partner years ago but basically only ended up together by chance, and now we’re in gay t4t love. Cant believe this is my life
Cant believe this is my life
I say this literally all the time! Life is so cool, I love being trans
spoiler
Holy fuck
I feel so, so awful.I wonder how much longer life is going to be like this. When and how will it end. Everything is foggy and miserable.
Life is horrible and a huge amount of why is other people. Fuckers. Not like you can escape them either.
voice dysphoria
also fucking hopeless about my voice.
FUCK TESTOSTERONE, FUCK OTHER PEOPLE, FUCK BEING BORN IN THE WRONG BODY
ACTUAL HELL. KILL ME
I am just so tired. Can this wrap up or whatever
