I am probably quite agender, as I have no intrinsic sense of my gender. I simply accepted my AGAB (assigned gender at birth) without questioning it. At some point, I realized that I don’t feel any connection to this gender, no feeling like other people have. I also don’t see it as something that influences my personality and I don’t apply to gender norms. I just don’t care about gender. (This btw. also makes it harder for me to understand people whose sense of gender is so strong that they even reject their AGAB, although I accept their feeling, of course.) So how do you “feel” gender?
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no feeling like other people have
Most people don’t really have much of a feeling there either. You just are. If you are cool with who you are, then there is nothing to worry about.
Don’t overthink it.
In my opinion, it’s a bit of a misnomer, where “feel gender” really means “experiencing joy through gender expression in ways that are not typical of your AGAB”. For instance, a person AFAB may “feel gender” by shaving their head, or a person AMAB may “feel gender” by wearing skirts and feminine cosmetics (blush, mascara, etc.)
My relationship with gender didn’t so much manifest that way.
Before I came out and accepted myself, I openly told myself I “should have been a girl”, but I also believed I wasn’t, and that was that. I didn’t really feel anything at the idea of femininity. That was my experience of feeling gender
I’m trans, and to be honest I don’t have a good answer for this question. I have no idea what it feels like to feel a gender, but I do know that some of the things I did experience made me feel very much not like the gender I was assigned. I felt incongruous with my body, and confused with how people viewed me. I later learned that’s called dysphoria.
When I saw a speech language pathologist to learn how to talk in a way that wasn’t grating to my ears, she explicitly told me we didn’t need to work on mannerisms or behavior. I still have no idea what she saw, but I don’t act any different than I did when I was a guy. I just get a lot less flak and odd reactions for it.
I don’t know what it feels like to feel a woman any more than I knew what it felt like to be a man though. I just know it fits, if that makes sense.
I don’t know if this helps but I do very much enjoy being female -bodied, like I loved being pregnant and nursing, love having sex, I enjoy the body I am in. I don’t think much about any mental or emotional aspect to being a woman, don’t feel particularly feminine or anything like that.
But I suspect if I had been born in a male body, I would feel “off” and wish for a female one.
I simply accepted my AGAB
you are cisgender.
I realized that I don’t feel any connection to this gender
this experience lies on a spectrum. for example, genderqueer folks have had their expression scrutinized and oppressed, so gender identity is more of an issue they think about than the average person. basically, you don’t have to exist with a sense of fulfilment or pride to be comfortable as the gender you’ve been assigned. you not having any incongruence implies your comfort level being seen by society as the gender you present.
I just don’t care about gender.
i want to ask if you are certain of this, because simply not possessing any feelings positive or negative about your gender doesn’t mean you’d be fine if you woke up as the opposite or something in-between. i’m generalizing here, but genuinely think of how you’d feel if you transformed into the opposite gender while retaining who you are right now. all of your beliefs, passions, interests, social expectations, public perception, and many, many other things are impacted by gender. not in a direct way for some but a guy interested in childhood education or a woman choosing not to have kids would both face questions and assumptions because of their gender. you would also be forced to see your body and yourself differently because others would treat you as the new gender you are now presenting as. still don’t care?
I honestly feel very similar. The closest I can kinda understand is like a guy at birth wanting to wear a skirt, in which case I say go rock that skirt. Or maybe a girl at birth wanting to feel accepted in certain male dominated activities in which case it’s a problem with those activities and not the girl.
I’m a guy at birth, I guess I identify as a guy but it’s meh. If I was misgendered at most I would make a overly dramatic joke but it wouldn’t effect my physiologicaly.
Myself as a cis male don’t particularly feel a major ‘need’ to associate with the stereotypical guy things, and enjoy plenty of things historically associated with women. That said though I feel my more native strengths are things attached to men.
Why makes for a gender though seems much more tied to society and the expectations of each, and are really a fluid thing that changes as we go along in the world.
