So I moved back to my city after 7 years where my family lives.
It’s been 2 years but I never really enjoyed people here. Mostly people I met were from my previous circles, family, school friends and their partners.
I always thought something was off and maybe over time I will figure things out but it was just not happening.
Yesterday I went to dinner with my partners friends and damn it was whole different vibe. As if it’s a different culture. I really enjoyed talking and was genuinely interested in next meeting.
Resparked my joy in meeting people and I guess I was with wrong people and there are people who are out there who vibe match with me but it’s so hard to find them.
Unfortunately I found that to meet new people you need to make an effort… Sometimes a lot of effort. But it is rewarding. I was in the same boat. Moved back to the city I grew up in, 3 years passed, no new friends. So I made an effort to go to different events and meet people in real life. It has helped a bunch. Sure I’m not going to get along with everyone but you only need to get along with at least one person and you’ll be good. If you get along with more then that’s just a bonus at that point.
It definitely helps if you pick up a hobby or go to meeting with people you share something with. It doesn’t have to be hobby though, it can be a religion, a philosophy, a lifestyle, etc.
There’s a reason so many people who suffer from chronic loneliness are told to first join some kind of socially-integrated hobby, activity, or group: Doing something you already enjoy, in the company of other people who enjoy the same thing, is likely to bring you people you are more likely to vibe with.
One of the best possible ways to start actually finding people you enjoy being around is to go to activities that involve people with a similar set of interests to you. For example, if I go to my local hackerspaces/makerspaces, I’m going to find a fuck ton of people who are interested in the same technology as me, and that means I’m probably gonna find people that have similar interests overall.
The main problem is that with the major reduction in third places, and with things becoming more and more costly to do, (e.g. my nearest makerspace costs over $100/mo to be a part of) it’s hard to actually get into those social circles where you can meet people that you’ll actually like being around.
I remember reading somewhere that you should combine this (doing an activity) with wearing something that signals another interest. The idea is that you’ll potentially find people where you already have 2 common interests. For example, going to this hackerspace with a concert t-shirt for one of your favourite bands. And lastly, if you want a deeper connection, you can’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
This so much. My depressed ass with social anxiety is getting more and more lonely everyday.
Yeah, and even among your people there may be some measure of discomfort.
I really miss how friendships and socializing used to be before social media.
Yeah, I agree it’s really social media shit.
I had no problems socializing 10-20 years ago. Now it’s incredibly difficult because people don’t really want to socialize anymore so much as be validated incessantly. It’s warped people’s brains to think any minor discomfort is this horrible thing, and anyone who disagrees with you is a raging asshole.
In my college days I used to like being around people who disagreed with me and talking about those disagreements. That is how I made most of my friends Now that is all but impossible. The second you disagree now, no matter how trivial, people demonize you and start saying crazy over the top conclusions about how evil and awful you are. I used to like my friends because they were different than me… now people hate anything different than themselves.
Literally, I’ve had many of my dates the past few years scream at me what a racist piece of shit I am for the books I read, and also for the books I don’t read. Mostly because I read classics and to people’s mind anyone author born before 1970 is a racist piece of shit or something. I do not understand how people have normalized this insanity. I am still reading the same books I have always read for decades… but now instead of being viewed as a positive it’s viewed with straight up delusional hostility. Apparently reading Dostoevsky makes me a conservative Pro-Putin, anti lgbt, racist now…
