On this episode of “Qwerty processes through their (her?) gender related existential crisis”…

Not going to post this on c/traa because honestly I don’t feel confident in calling myself a trans woman yet, so here on c/chat it’ll go!

“The bra thing” is a pretty damn good gender litmus test, so I mustered up enough confidence to grab one of the bras from the Family Dollar down the street. And then did the classic “stuff socks into the bra” trick.

The physical sensation and pressure around my chest and upper back just… Feels kinda nice. Honestly to any cis male autists out there, I recommend giving it a shot! (Although presumably you’d want to wear a tighter tank-top or something instead.)

I was low key afraid of looking at myself in the mirror. The first few glances my subconscious went “Oh! That’s a woman!” which felt neat.

Again, I managed to compose myself, and I took a proper look at myself in the mirror.

Yeah bras make someone look distinctly more feminine. Not “Boop! That’s a woman now!”, but yeah the signal processing in the subconscious definitely checks if someone has boobs. (Idk why I’m stating the last part, I already kinda knew that.)

And then I kinda did that soft chuckling thing, and brought the tips of my fingers over my mouth. And then the inside of my chest felt lighter.

I like it! I… I really like it!

My question now is: WHY DIDN’T I EXPLORE THIS SOONER?

And I think the answer is that, there was no immediate need. I didn’t really feel dysphoric or stuff, there was no blatant in-your-face “You REALLY need to figure yourself out!” signs.