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Two things I hate about our culture: mononormativity (it’s like heteronormativity, but with monogamy instead of heterosexuality) and platonic amatonormativity (demonizing casual sex and bodily, carnal, and sexual connections in general, and divinizing an almost ascetic mental, psychological, and “spiritual” connection [whatever that may be, everyone defines it as they please], being a consequence of the cultural hegemony of Abrahamic religions (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam)).
Im not sure ive ever seen a post with this much jargon, and the fact that you spend half the time defining jargon in the post is… something
Informative!
I guess I’m your polar opposite in that. I think having as intimate and strong a bond as you can with just one other person who returns that in full is one of the most valuable things a person can have in life.
I lost my wife to cancer about a decade back. I’m still in my 40s, so people keep expecting me to find someone else and bringing that up. That’s unthinkable to me. I wasn’t promising to love her and hold her above all others until she died, I was promising it for my life. Me being hers, her being mine, two being one, etc.
It has nothing to do with religion. It has everything to do with love and integrity. If I had a similar relationship with another person now I would see that as invalidating so many things, turning the things that mean the most to me into lies. Every “forever”, “no matter what”, “this life and any after”, “one and only” or any similar thing I ever said would retroactively become lies. All the other things about her being the most important, or coming first, or any other endearment that didn’t specify ongoing and (if possible) eternal would retroactively have contingencies attached that clearly they only count unless that selfish bitch dies of something.
It feels so wrong to both her and anyone I would move on to and such a betrayal of my own personal values that it’s unthinkable to me on the level of cannibalism. When people expect me to move on my revulsion is what I expect it would be if there was a dead person laying there and those people expected me to start eating them.
I didn’t need a cultural hegemony of Abrahamic religions to make me feel that eating the corpse of another human or torturing an infant to death is unthinkably wrong, and it’s the same with this.
I really think it’s a personal thing for your happiness right? You seem happy to carry her memory and knowing that’s exactly what matters to you. If others need someone around, or that you can share the future moments with, then you aren’t lying about it being “forever” if you continue living life, life changes lots of things. Sharing that love with someone is huge, but they also wanted to be with you for it. They can’t be, so if someone finds someone else and they want to walk through life together I’d like to think someone can find that.
Some are happy with the memory, and their values hold that they would never involve another. But others know that they needed each other to get through the good and the bad, and that person isn’t here anymore. They’ll never be the same as the person who is gone, but it doesn’t mean having them in your life is a “failure” or “betrayal”
First of all, I am very sorry about your wife, I really know what it feels like to lose someone to cancer since I also lost my father to cancer, when I was 11 years old. I wish you strength and health.
I think having as intimate and strong a bond as you can with just one other person who returns that in full is one of the most valuable things a person can have in life.
Now to this, I’m not saying that psychological bonds or intimacy are not important or bad. What I really mean is that people demonize another equally important and good form of intimacy, physical and sexual, and for younger people, experimentation without commitments before a more serious relationship, which even correlates with a greater likelihood of being satisfied in future serious relationships (monogamous or polygamous), and less likelihood of cheating. Although polygamous AND open relationships, I think they are the best, even if on the other hand they are more difficult to have and maintain, because there is evidence that points to the fact that people are less likely to feel dissatisfied with a relationship if they can still experiment with other people.
It feels so wrong to both her and anyone I would move on to and such a betrayal of my own personal values that it’s unthinkable to me on the level of cannibalism. When people expect me to move on my revulsion is what I expect it would be if there was a dead person laying there and those people expected me to start eating them.
This is clearly a false equivalency fallacy. You can’t compare those things. I don’t think that getting another couple is something bad or makes everything you promised to her false. You may not like to do that, and that’s totally respectable, but criminalizing or dehumanizing it is way too much. I think that’s part of letting go, and I’m not trying to minimize your feelings nor the feelings of people that’s living something similar, but telling that it’s a form of self-care and self-healing.
Although polygamous AND open relationships, I think they are the best, even if on the other hand they are more difficult to have and maintain…
Anecdotal, but I’ve been around about a dozen polygamous relationships.
Only one would I have considered “healthy” the rest at least one sometimes even two of the people involved were being taken severe emotional advantage of. One person is usually taking advantage for their own self serving reasons.
TBH I put it in the same category as Christianity, it sounds good on paper, but reality is 99% of “Christians” shouldn’t even be allowed to be called Christian much less good ones.
Don’t think either heteronormativity or mononormativity is bad. There are expectations of other people and it is OK to always assume a new person is monogamous cis hetero, just because this is the majority.
Do you really think that shaming, attacking, harassing, defaming, dehumanizing, demonizing, and treating polygamous, polyamorous, or non-heterosexual people as immoral is okay? Because let me tell you, that’s what mononormativity and heteronormativity do. If you still think not, either you don’t understand these concepts at all, or you’re lying.
From what I’ve seen the gay community is full of ‘friends with benefits’. Seems pretty great. Sometimes I resent being straight, where monogomy is basically the only option, and any attempt to break out of it would make me look like a creep.
A woman once told me sex with me is like microdosing. We’re not friends anymore.
Damn. What did OP do to get banned from shit posting of all things?
As a fairly new Lemmy user, it’s a bit creepy how often I see seemingly normal posts made in the last few hours along with that big red “Banned from community” tag. Starting to feel like there are just snipers on the rooftops waiting to off people who happen to walk by.
The good news is on Lemmy you can check to see what the moderators claim they did wrong, assuming they didn’t write “None” for the reason like some of the garbage tier moderators do.
In this case, they allege some of this user’s posts were racist.
So their post “Cueta, Spain right now” was deleted and they were banned for it being racist. I tried to search for whatever the image was in case they’d reposted with an existing title and didn’t find anything… other than learning apparently the situation in Ceuta is completely insane.
I hadn’t heard that news. I had no idea Spain controlled that tiny bit of land at the tip Africa beside Morocco.
But much as the situation is awful and doesn’t seem like a super tasteful topic for a shit post, without seeing whatever it was I can’t see how it could be racist. Looking in to Ceuta you can see it has a crazy history, it’s been part of Spain for like 400 years, and the inhabitants are a mix of people from many places over time, with the bulk of them being much closer to Morrocan than Spanish.
The whole situation is shit, but I don’t see how you could term the folk from one side of a border crossing en masse and loads of violence and death as “racist.”
Racism is bad. Not trying to defend it or anything. But unless my settings are wrong OP has 5 posts in the top 30 of the last day in all of LemmyLand. He’s half of the top 10 in the last day on this relatively active sub. Sort of sucks to see how slow Lemmy really moves, but that makes it even more weird for one of the people making posts with the most interaction on the platform for a given day to be banned a week. I’m really curious to see that deleted post now.
Notice that there’s 2 posts that were removed for racism. The other one was posted 15 days prior, and was an image of a black mark zuckerburg with a comment below it implying that that was the version who steals data, which is clearly a racist post. The moderator who removed it added the comment “Next racist post gets a perma-ban”.
The post with the Cueta post that got them banned had the post title of ‘Cueta right now’, but was an image of an invasion from Lord of The Rings, equating the Cueta migrants as essentially a ‘barbarian horde’, which has traditionally been used by right-wing media as a racist scare tactic to make their viewers see non-white migrants as evil hordes who are ‘invading’ their country.
Both memes were clearly very racist, but despite that, they only received a temporary 1-week ban (I would’ve given a permanent ban for such blatant racism, myself).
(Aside: Strange, how is it that you can see the posts that were deleted? It seems unlikely you’d have such great recall of an image and caption you just happened to see 15 days ago based entirely on the title “Marcus”, but if it’s accurate that is definitely fucked up and racist.)
The Ceuta (It’s spelled Ceuta, the title had it wrong) post I can understand remembering since it was within the last 24 hours. It was tens of thousands of people organized to swarm across a border en masse. An invading army seems sort of fitting for a meme. The people on both sides of this issue are ethnically and racially similar. What’s racist about that?
That seems more like a personal bias on your and the moderator in question’s ends than genuine racism. It seems more like you’re allowing the Republican bullshit to taint your own thinking. This situation has nothing to do with race.
Edit Ahhhhhh. Now I get it. Someone messaged and told me it was probably because Trump posted something about it. I get people frowning on anyone who seems to be trying to amplify his stupid bullshit or agreeing with him on anything. I’d imagine Trump heard news thousands of Africans from Morocco were storming across the border into Spain and did imagine he could twist it to be some sort of race issue.
But Trump is a fucking moron. It’s not a race issue at all. The location and history of Ceuta changes the entire picture. I’m not surprised that the Trump admin wouldn’t understand that, but it’s not hard to see if you look for a minute. Any attempt to paint the situation in racist light is just idiocy.
Strange, how is it that you can see the posts that were deleted?
I assume I can still access them due to being an instance admin, that’s how I know what they were.
What’s racist about that?
I explained how that imagery is used by racists, and the previous racist meme is a good indicator it was posted with racist intent.
The first image I definitely agree on. That’s fucked up and anyone should know it. This one I definitely don’t agree on. It’s based entirely on guess and assumption. Nothing about it is inherently racist.
I’ve honestly never even seen that movie scene used for racist shit. It’s a scene tons of people around the world are likely to know, because it’s sort of a popular book and movie series. It seems likely to randomly punish innocent nerds who don’t have experience with whatever racist image distribution networks you’ve joined.
Their previous history of racist posting was pretty clearly taken into account, it wasn’t some random LOTR fan who happened to get misconstrued.
You may want to look up racist dogwhistles, and how they are used. Equating migrants to an invasion horde is a common racist dog whistle and fearmongering tactic.
It’s not friend zoned its prostitute zoned.
How is it prostitute zoned if money isn’t involved?
Deleted by author
That’s not the same. Friends with benefits and a sugar daddy situation are very different scenarios
Are they a sugar daddy if they just let you sleep in their bed so you’re not homeless?
No one fucks their friends.
