i am new to being aware of my ADHD and trying to unmask a bit where it’s acceptable to do so. i don’t know what to call it when i have been suffering more psychic pain than usual from ADHD.

for example, i yelled at my stepfather yesterday and when i apologize to him today i want to communicate that i’ve been struggling with being overstimulated and badly regulating my emotions for four or five days and i yelled at him partially because of that stress. usually i would just say i’ve been “feeling like shit” but how could i communicate the idea of like, an “episode” of adhd to him?

also, for him i don’t really expect him to understand, i’m just hoping he’ll accept my apology. how would you communicate the same idea with words to a partner or loved one who is actually on board with trying to understand your adhd?

thanks <3

  • mendiCAN [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    7·
    23 days ago

    generally, meeting people where they’re at is the best path to understanding. if your primary goal is apology acceptance not teaching adhd, then tie your apology language to words and phrases he’ll understand easily, words he uses to communicate.

    rather than communicate an “episode” of adhd, just focus on the stuff he and everyone already gets. being exhausted, tired and grumpy is something that happens to everyone, so he’ll understand if you couch it in those terms.

    later when things are smoothed over is a better time to teach/share about the stressors that can lead you to snap.

    p.s. me and my partner use ‘bad brain day’ as shorthand to communicate when we are grumpy, having a depression dip, or things just aren’t running smooth upstairs and that we’re not mad or anything, just having a lil internal struggle

  • D61 [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    7·
    23 days ago

    “The last four of five days have been really rough. I’m sorry I yelled at you.” Might be a good phrase to use in this instance.

  • Sickos [they/them, it/its]@hexbear.netEnglish
    2·
    23 days ago

    I’m a very formal apologizer, and have dealt with (and gotten through, mostly) emotional dysfunction and anger issues over many years.

    “I’m sorry about yesterday’s outburst. I’ve been having a pretty tough time lately and I took that out on you; please don’t take it personally, you didn’t deserve that. I feel like I’ve been really getting swept up in my emotions. While I can’t regulate them as much as I’d like, I will try to separate myself from situations before I explode.”

    That fight-or-flight instinct kicks in so goddamned hard; I pretty much find it impossible to deal with in the moment once it has started. I have gotten much better at noticing triggers and removing myself from bad situations and grounding myself before that happens.