I literally didn’t realize this was a post in a trans community. Saw the pic, was like “oh, cute girl” and then saw it’s a trans community.

You’re doing good lass

If it helps, I think the people telling you to “Go on TikTok or Google it” are giving you bad advice anyway. I tried that for years and never got anywhere. Social media can be a really toxic place where there’s always someone prettier to make us feel insecure. I’d go on Pinterest and find really cute outfits the influencers were wearing, spend hours upon hours trying to track down their outfits at clothes stores, and inevitably get sad when I couldn’t find anything that was close enough to the reference, or even that actually fit. It didn’t help that I’m tall. And then when I could finally recreate an outfit, it would be Shien fast-fashion garbage that fit poorly, felt bad on my skin, and just didn’t look the same on me as it did for the Pinterest models. I wasted so much time and money on clothes back then, and social media had me chasing a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow only to find cornflakes. I think this is something all women, cis or trans, have to deal with to some extent in the modern era.

I’ve learned the hard way not to rely on other people to create my aesthetic. I’ve figured out which brands fit my body well and are high-quality, and I’ve built a wardrobe I’m proud of around those constraints. Sure, that means I’m not the perfect image of a goth girl or #darkacademia or whatever subculture is trending on Instagram these days, but goth is just whatever black clothes you have, makeup, and the right state of mind. I don’t have to be perfect or compete with actual models to be pretty or feel comfortable in my outfits and skin.

I’m not trans but the texture of your hair looks like mine. I struggle with it being unruly and frizzy, so up until recently I had been keeping it short or in a bun or something.

What I found worked for me was to try to only detangle my hair in the shower with a wide-toothed comb while it is wet. I use conditioner to help me detangle it.

I let my hair air dry now instead of blow drying it. Apparently my hair dryer came with an attachment called a “diffuser” that I should have been using. I lost it.

I wash my hair once about every 3 days with shampoo. On non-wash days I keep it in a shower cap when I take a shower so I don’t have to blow dry it and avoid the frizz. So, my hair is only ever wet once every 3 days or so.

If my hair looks greasy on non-wash days I use dry shampoo on my roots.

I keep my hair braided when I go to sleep so it doesn’t tangle and I keep the brushing I need to while dry at an absolute minimum. I still brush it when dry if I have to. Those days I usually put my hair up in a pony, or half up half down to manage the frizz.

This help me cut down on the frizz and helped me stop fighting the natural texture of my hair. My hair is longer than yours and I have ended up spending a lot of time taking care of it. Think of chopping it off again honestly.

Anyway I typed more than I meant but I hope that was helpful. I can’t speak to advice about finding an aesthetic, can’t say I really have one myself. Maybe this is all off topic…

I got adhd meds pretty much the same time as estrogen. get ADHD meds, seriously. There are literally days where I take Ritalin and life just suddenly becomes so livable, I can’t even describe it

I remember your old post, glad you’re still around

For the dysphoria, I know it can feel crippling and make you want to give up. For some trans folk, it takes a lot of daily work to present how they feel. It can be really hard to want to keep it up when you feel like it’s still not enough. I’ve been there many times.

However, the best thing you can do to drive back the dysphoria (and depression in general) is to take those steps—put in the work and do the things that bring you euphoria. It may not get you to where you want to be, but it’ll get you a whole lot closer, and every little bit helps.

It might help to identify, specifically, what about your body/life is bringing you dysphoria. Start with small things. That way you can make some concrete goals to work on rather than the big nebulous cloud of “I look wrong and I don’t like it”.

Also, I don’t know your life, but I suspect there might be more contributing to your depression than dysphoria. It’s definitely worth some introspection to identify and work on those other areas of your life. ADHD especially often comes with a whole host of (treatable) struggles that make life in our society extra challenging.

I get a little gender euphoria kick when I see a trans woman that I think “hey, I kinda look like her!” It’s like a way of tricking my brain into thinking positively about myself. Anyway, you’re one of those women :)

I’m really sorry you’re feeling that way. Do you have queer community IRL?

I can’t solve your issues, but you sound unmedicated or like your meds are mismatched. I’m far from “meds solve everything!” and strongly believe that talk therapy is the best route forward (with a competent therapist, because I’ve had bad ones). Having said that, with what you’re communicating, I get the sense that meds could help.

Hoping you feel better, homie. Sorry you’re going through a rough patch. I lost my sister to suicide 2 weeks ago, and I hope you never take that route.

Your aesthetic is skymtf and no one does it better than you.

I’m not gonna repeat exactly what I said last time about your appearance, because that’s not what this post is really about. You’re being hopeless and annoying right now by complaining that you might as well detransition, despite it being unlikely that you’ll ever do so without external pressure.

I think deep down you know how miserable it’d make you, and you only wanna detransition because you feel like hurting yourself. It’s not that your struggle isn’t valid, as this struggle is worth talking about in more constructive ways; it’s just that you’re not helping yourself in any way by complaining about it on social media.

Nothing we say will fundamentally change that being the right gender isn’t a cure all for all mental problems. Before I transitioned I grappled with the fear that I just wanted to transition as an escape from my mental health issues. Eventually I realized that while transition was necessary to help myself, it was not everything I needed. It makes them solvable and worth solving, but it isn’t the ultimate solution.