Because of my parents, I had to live a secret life that I revealed to them slowly over the years, but they don’t know everything. They know I’m an atheist, but not that I’m bisexual. They know I have my own apartment but they don’t know my boyfriend lives with me.
One day…
Random funny thought, my family knows I’m bisexual but not that I’m an atheist
How to expect to be treated by people and what behaviour to accept as normal.
How to hide in my mind and dissociate.
How to be deeply ashamed of myself.
How to accept bullshit apologies and rude assumptions because my getting upset will only make it worse.
Not being able to trust anyone or rely on them for anything is another, I’m too tired right now to try and fit it into the ‘how to’ format.
Ngl I kinda miss reddit right now. The sheer mass of users there is anonymity when it comes to sharing dark shit like this.
If it helps I don’t know who you are, stranger!
How to sneak. I power leveled my stealth skill as a kid because of my abusive, alcoholic mother.
All of those will be most useful in your adult life too, kids
Yeah, it’s just too bad it usually comes with a heaping dose of self-loathing, self-doubt, anxiety, constantly watching out for the next outburst even though you’re no longer around people like that yet the threat still always remains…
If you’re lucky you transfer the first 3 into ongoing self improvement, professionalism, and control.
If you’re not, well, buckle up, buttercup!
Also possibly becoming a pathological liar.
Seriously, sometimes I catch myself thinking up coming up with lies, almost like gauging what reaction something would get… when I could just say the truth, or even if I am saying the truth, but I feel like I won’t be believed.
How to fear How to be resentful How to be closed off
The list goes on
-How to continue the cycle and be just as bad parents to their own kids without realising it. No doubt many do break the cycle and learn from their own childhood to become excellent parents in turn, but unfortunately that’s the best case scenario and simply not the majority.
To be fair, those skills have been very useful to me as an adult…
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How to create and meticulously maintain a web of lies that will span decades (or for the rest of their lives), while working together with friends to synchronize stories so if anyone gets pulled aside and questioned about anything, there are no loose ends or crossed stories
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How to program so you have a privacy/panic switch that only you have and know how it operates, capable of hiding anything from porn to scientific research to chats with friends with a simple key-combo
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How to become so nonchalant with lies that years later when you are finally willing to open up a bit and reveal what you have actually been doing for the last two decades+, that they don’t believe you because your skills in deception in order to protect yourself have reached too high a level, and your honesty causes suspicion
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How to become paranoid and deeply distrust your entire family and fear for your life as you come to terms with your sexuality, who you are dating, and why don’t you ever ask that cute girl out from your school (who is also gay and later trans [and so we use this angle to our advantage to keep questions to a minimum])
what why are you looking at me it’s not like any of this applies to me no no you’re crazy I had a totally relaxed childhood where I was completely transparent with my religious homophonic bigoted racist family, who clearly wanted only the best for me, an atheist/satanic flaming gay furry. I’d never be forced to be baptized, circumcised, made to attend a faith-based ‘school’, play along with their crazy bullshit thoughts like why anyone would ever come to my country and how they should all go home (even though we came to this country just three generations ago) or why that colored gentleman is looking super suspicious as he buys groceries near his home on our side of town.
noooo, that never ever happened to me. I’m not bitter at all because they can be awful people. That’s silly. You’re silly. Silly-willy.
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I don’t know… I think these are all necessary life skills in the long run. Yeah, it’s a shitty way to have to learn them, but they will come in handy eventually.
The bigger problem is that it teaches kids that they are powerless and must appease authorities. It took me the better part of my 20s to figure out that I hold just as much power as my boss and I don’t have to appease anyone.
