I was born and raised in a large midwestern US city. A few years ago, I moved out to the country. Like, 30 minutes away from any services. I made the move in part because I sold myself on a vision of Hobbiton. Living in and around nature. Away from the lights and cars and problems of the city and instead forging a life of pastoral relaxtion, gazing on sunsets while smoking my pipe.

But it was a mistake, and I hate it out here.

A caveat to start off… when someone mentions how they hate country living, there are typically two kinds of responses. One is from people who were raised in the country and love it. I think this describes a very small fraction of the population, though. If you’re in this category, good for you. I’m glad this all works for you but you’re not my audience here. The other type of response is from city dwellers, who when someone mentions rural living, are all like “awww that sounds like heaven to me :)”. People who, like me, think if they just had some land and a homestead they’d be living like BIlbo Baggins. Well it’s not that.

A big thing you don’t realize is just how important it is to get to simple services like groceries or just a haircut. Did you start making a recipe but halfway through realize you don’t have any cumin? In a city you can run out and be back in a few minutes but out here you’re gonna be gone at least 70 minutes. And getting a haircut literally involves planning a “haircut night” once a month because it can take up nearly a whole evening. If you need a taxi and it ends up costing a small fortune and had to be scheduled ahead of time. The distance from services really is death by a thousand cuts and it can really start to grind you down.

If you don’t have a place to run or have the space and money for some home equipment, forget working out. And btw rural areas are incredibly hostile to running, unless of course you own a ton of land and make your own paths. Running or biking on the roads is incredibly dangerous.

I have not had any medical emergencies (alhamdulillah), but I am very cognizant of the fact that for any urgent medical issue, I’ve already lost like an hour of time before I can get treated; which could make a huge difference in outcomes for my family.

You are on Mother Nature’s home court here. And she does not want you here. I’m currently just accepting all the ants and pincher bugs that are all over my house. Using a sonic system to keep out the mice but it’s not really working. Can’t let the kids play in the grass because of rattlesnakes. You just have to be comfortable with all sorts of creatures around. Dealing with the elements is just more challenging out here.

I know people feel (and are) isolated and alienated from their fellow humans in cities, especially under capitalism. But my friends, you really cannot understand just how isolated and disconnected you feel when you physically live distant from another human. It warps you as a human and turns you inwards. It fosters a clannish, blood-relations-only mentality. Marx totally had the peasantry pegged in The Eighteenth Brumaire, potatoes in a sack who only watch out for themselves.

And it’s not like the people you do have around you are all that great to be around, let’s be real here. In the US at least, rural areas are home to some of the most reactionary, anti-social people in the whole country. Because there’s no few people around here anyway (not to mention the chud nature of the people who are here), organizing is basically impossible. Closest DSA chapter is at least a couple hours away, never mind PSL. There’s just… not really much here to organize.

But honestly the worst and real heart-breaking one is… as a parent, I am hoping to god that I can move us to city before my kids get to old. Because I dearly hope when they’re adults they choose to live reasonably close to me. But when you live in the middle of nowhere, there’s just no way they can live nearby, there are no jobs. So the rural life breaks up extended families. Yeah sure even if I lived in a big city my kids might want to move away, but at least there, there’s opportunities to stay around.

And maybe I’m just mad at myself for not realizing how good I had it back in my big city hometown. And for practical purposes I am 100% stuck here. And for those reasons maybe I get unreasonably annoyed and people who idealize country living. At the very least, before you think about moving you should be aware of the downsides.

  • SootySootySoot [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    242·
    7 days ago

    Apparently this post is not for me, as someone who enjoys living in the countryside. I respect your experience, I think it’s very real and there are definitely significant challenges that city-people underestimate.

    Now, despite being uninvited, I will actively push back so many of your ideas - I honestly think all of these accusations are not applicable in most rural places. Now it’s possible you’re in a shit area with genuinely shit people, and shit I really empathise if so. But forgive me when I say this sounds likely to be in meaningful part because you’re living in the country with a city-dweller attitude and perspective, and that if you change your approach you might get more of what you want out of it.

    I also say all this is a non-USAian so maybe it’s completely different there. But of what I have seen I don’t think it is entirely so. The working out part clearly is, however, as where I live there are legally enforced public footpaths and locally owned fields/forests all over the show in every direction, no shortage of running routes. I feel for you if there’s a lack of that.

    • That your neighbours are anti-social / you’re isolated. Again, this will depend on your neighbours at the end of the day. My experience of the country is that I am in more of a community that looks out for each other than I have ever known to exist in a city. The difference is I had to make an effort to go out of my way to meet these people, say hi, bring a couple bits of homegrown veg or foraged fruit. And that people are less used to dealing with a diversity of people, so you typically need to be a bit more patient and understanding with where they’re coming from. But once you are, you make friends and neighbours and reliable community members for life.
    • That organising is impossible. Closely related to the above. Obviously it’ll be impossible to easily get together a huge communist protest organised or whatever. But it’s definitely possible to have productive movements. In a city you can raise a banner and you’ll find people that come to it. In a village you need to engage people on an individual level. My tiny 100-person village has buying groups, free community food larders, about 50 people from here and neighbouring villages go and cause a nuisance at local towns in deliberate pro-Palestinian protest. One neighbouring village came together to protect a migrant resident from being deported by pigs. Organising happens regularly, but it’s only a product of healthy and active community activity.
    • That it’s unsafe to play outside. This really does feel your most city-dweller-esque issue, but to live in the country you really do need a bit more of a “be smart about it” attitude rather than a “don’t do anything that could ever potentially be unsafe” attitude. Nature is lovely and 99% of the time will be no trouble whatsoever. Be aware of rattlesnakes, but be smart about them and you’ll be fine. FWIW most rural people feel the same about busy roads and unsafe neighbourhoods in cities.
    • Being able to go buy stuff at a moment’s notice. Certainly a truething, but again such a city-dweller attitude. Is immediate ability to buy anything you want necessarily a good thing? You don’t have cumin? Then time to change tack and change the thing you’re trying to do. It’s a very city-attitude to consider that some meaningful issue. There is some flow-going that must be embraced.
    • That you need to go travel for your regular haircut. To be honest I’ve never known a rural area that didn’t have a very local hairdresser, but you might need to be ‘in the know’. That shit might not be on Facebook or whatever. Plus is this really necessary? Just book it next time you’re going somewhere if you need.

    With all that pushback in mind, I do empathise with your issues. It’s a shame you’ve fallen into these (fairly common) pittraps without realising them ahead of time. I say all this with two things in mind:

    • That people who do consider the countryside don’t get suckered into thinking it’s inevitably an isolating and horrible way of living. I honestly do love it and despite having lived in a city, I cannot stand it, I really couldn’t live another way. Rural areas have the nicest, most accomodating people I know - and it engenders that attitude because we gotta enjoy each other, there isn’t anyone else around! This said, areas will differ, I’m sure there are plenty shit’uns.
    • That I obviously hope your life improves, one way or another. But that I think there are some minor adjustments to your perspective and approach that might help alleviate some of your issues.

    I’m not a farmer, but you still couldn’t convince me to live in a city or sizeable town by ruddy gunpoint. Just shoot me.

    • EmmaGoldman [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      28·
      7 days ago

      I think one big difference in the US is that a lot of rural areas are just endless agricultural hell, especially in the Midwest. If you live outside of a town in Iowa, it’s just endless, pancake-flat, privately owned fields of corn. No paths, no right to roam. The middle of the pavement is the only place you’re legally allowed to be, and only if you’re in a car.

      City critters also seem to hate walking up and talking to random strangers, so it makes sense that they have a lot of difficulty adapting to a rural area where you’re required to do that frequently in order to get stuff done. Like, my wife is from the NYC metro area and I have to do all the phone calls and talking.

      • Maeve @lemmygrad.mlEnglish
        8·
        6 days ago

        There’s definitely a difference living in the country in Texas and then in the bayous of Louisiana, or the Carolinas or Virginia. That said, I liked going for freshly ground coffee and bagels at 4a.m. in West Coast large city, spinach and white pepper scones in mid-sized east coast city at 7 a.m.

        But now that I have a car, I’m sublimely happy in a village of less than 300. Next to a cornfield. I sit on my back steps and watch deer walk, a dozen deep. Out front, I watch the woodpeckers, painted buntings, sparrows, squirrels. There are definite downsides. But I don’t want to live in town if I can help it.

    • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      20·
      7 days ago

      The working out part clearly is, however, as where I live there are legally enforced public footpaths and locally owned fields/forests all over the show in every direction, no shortage of running routes

      Yeah in the US this is really location dependent. Private property is king, and I think if you’re in parts of the midwest or south it’s much less likely for this to be the case than elsewhere. Unless you’re on BLM (Bureau of Land Management) or US Forest land, there are no public footpaths that cross through someone’s property like in other countries. It sucks

      • Wertheimer [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
        26·
        7 days ago

        There’s also this amazing problem:

        Across America, 15 million acres of state and federal land lies surrounded by private land, with no legal entry by road or trail. Most can be found scattered across the West, moated by ranches and corporate holdings. Such “landlocked land,” if it were one contiguous piece, would form the largest national park in the country, an area nearly the size of Vermont, New Hampshire and Connecticut.

    • BeanisBrain [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      18·
      7 days ago

      Is immediate ability to buy anything you want necessarily a good thing?

      Yes. Why wouldn’t it be? I’ve lived in places where I could and places where I couldn’t, and I definitely prefer the former. Especially when it’s something like medicine. When I was in crippling pain from kidney stones, I gained new appreciation for the nearest ER being 10 minutes away.

      pro-Palestinian protest

      That kind of thing would never happen where I grew up. People in my rural community thought Achmed the Dead Terrorist was the height of comedy.

      • SootySootySoot [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
        1·
        6 days ago

        Then I guess we disagree. I don’t think infinite convenience is actually good for people. Sometimes, not having cumin when you want it, is what leads you to try new and exciting stuff.

        • BeanisBrain [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
          1·
          5 days ago

          To try new and exciting stuff, you have to have it available in the first place. I like to joke about the four Midwest food groups being fat, grease, ketchup, and cheese, but that is legitimately to a large extent the culinary landscape of the rural parts of it, and all the towns are white as driven snow so there’s very little demand for anything else. There are so many kinds of foods I’m grateful to have discovered since moving to the city that simply did not exist anywhere near the small town where I grew up (hummus, longan, maamoul, sugarcane juice to name just a few). As a kid I hated it when certain ingredients were missing because it usually meant being subjected to such culinary wonders as unseasoned chicken patties on white bread and whatever potato chip crumbs were left in the bag. I don’t consider it a particularly enriching experience.