The shout-out to the brands he loved to consoom in your partner’s eulogy is also something else
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He wore only Nike and hated Adidas. He liked Old Spice but despised Degree pit sticks. While he enjoyed the smell of Herbal Essences shampoo, he found it to be too feminine to use himself, instead he opted to use Dove for Men 3-in-1 bodywash, shampoo, conditioner.
Brought to you by Pizza Hut and McDonald’s.
What you’re seeing is a country that has no heroes, just brands.
He liked Old Spice but despised Degree pit sticks
**Dr. Squatch
Undefeated geopolitical theory so far
This ferret speaks the truth.
Did any of them even have favorite American Internet era soapslop brands?
He loved … using Dr. Squatch soap …
Wtf?
Shatto milk (from Missouri)
Omg it’s Gulp Shatto!!!
(from missouri)
a man is not dead as long as the brands he loved exist
This can’t be real
It almost feels like product placement sold into the eulogy of a “war hero”, written by AI and approved for release by the state.
The concept of someone summarising a loved ones personality and time on this earth by their job-role specifications and brand preferences is so legitimately, shockingly grotesque and absurd it caused the light in my soul to flicker for a brief but worrying moment.
It’s harrowing to dwell on the fact that most people I know my age would end up having eulogies like that written by their spouses if they were to die right now.
just because you lose your spouse doesn’t mean you’ve lost the opportunity for product endorsement sponsorships in their name.
real grinders will 10x that army widow compensation package in the first year.
He didn’t just wear those values on his uniform—he lived them every single day.
I would literally rather be cursed and mocked in death, or totally forgotten, rather than be spoken of with this twee ChatGPT affectation.
OK, yes, we are adding Ad content into your AI content. But don’t worry, it will be so unintrusive and seamless that your audience won’t even be able to tell or care!I don’t remember the part of Ted Lasso where he helped to kill a bunch of kids
“hey gang. there’s nothing we can’t achieve together. quit talking down to each other and having affairs. I’m American! now get in the bombers and make Coca-Cola proud.”
Bill Lawrence was against it but Sudeikis insisted.
If my obituary looks like this kill me again
he believed in unlimited genocide on the third world, such an upstanding citizen of empire
What stage of capitalism are we in when one’s eulogy has ads for soap brands?
It’s not surprising when so much of our language refers to common household items by brand name (even if said item is not that brand). Our identity is to consume. Our life is to consume. The Brand is you.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man bathe himself in Dr. Squatch™️ x Dungeons and Dragons©️ Mimic Bricc 3-Pack John 15:13
May God comfort youIronic really
The D&D nerds who need that soap will never use it, since it’s a collector’s item
Don’t cry for him. He was already dead.
He’s with charlie kirk now
