I remember i always did my school work either at 2am or on the way to school and generally got good marks on coursework n stuff. One day i decided to force myself to do the work in advance…. Worst grade i ever got and the teacher put something along the lines of “wtf is this” as a comment
That day I learned i am an unlimited bullshit generation machine that can only perform at max stress and chaos.
In my experience, executive “dysfunction” (“dysfunction” by whose standards?) is a protective, trauma response heightened by rejection sensitivity. So at some point the intrinsic motivation of the individual was quashed (alienation from outcomes of labor), there are external barriers to that persons mental performance (who wants to do busy work after being a full-time student? Or create art after working overtime?), and extrinsic motivation is even more ephemeral given how much work is done for some dickhead (client, teacher, project manager, boss). And so when intrinsic and extrinsic motivation are sapped- what is there to be motivated by?
My typical pattern is using the stress to channel my focus; but it inevitably fails due to burnout or loss of motivation (extrinsic mostly -“what’re you gonna do, fire me? Make my fucking day”; and my intrinsic motivation is mostly dead and buried, but sometimes kind people exhume the remains and it shambles around until buried by the next wave of bullshit)
But yeah saturation to the point of not caring is the ruling class’ sweet spot for the worker - just keep shoveling coal on endlessly (that’s how boilers work right? even in this analogy that wouldn’t cause the fire to smother, right?). But also funny- for instance I’ve been busting my ass on a bunch of projects; doing a bunch of teaching to young engineers; and I’ll still get the Friday morning email from a project manager saying they need something before Monday. Except now that I’ve been through enough shit - and my only communications with this person are them being a pain- I can at least confidently say they should do it themselves then if it’s so urgent, otherwise they’ll get it when they do.
Idk what I’m getting at here. Be kind to yourself? Kindness is out there too, and imo is a better investment of one’s time to find and build vs whatever capitalist grind lays ahead. Alignment with intrinsic motivation is a far better path than pleasing some knob whose only answer is “more!” Even if it does mean revolutionary struggle (more so from a pedagogical lens than an armed conflict one lol); which is draining, but that’s why it’s important to find comrades in the struggle and care for one another.
executive “dysfunction” (“dysfunction” by whose standards?)
I think it preventing one from doing almost anything, even things they theoretically “want” to, outside of extreme situations and producing severe burnout is a reasonable standard.
Yeah for sure it was really eye opening when I was evaluated for adhd how many patterns of executive dysfunction I’d internalized. I’d only ever learned to “white knuckle” my way through it, and then was confused when burnout became more regular and lasted longer. Shit sucks
Yeah I needed this thanks. Been stuck in perma crunch for the last 3 years and trying to snap myself out of it and go back to taking the piss. But like my brain is either cba to do anything cos why would I? I hate my team, company, product, tech stack, design decisions, leadership, office etc. Or i crank things out through melting my own brain.
Mmm the solution is play MMOs during work hours and work on personal projects.
Good call. Personal projects can be so joyful. It’s felt like crunch city no matter where one goes, so there’s gotta be some way to get away from it. I tend to enjoy high stress work - probably because it lets me ignore my needs lol until I’m eventually like “oh I feel like absolute shit”
I remember i always did my school work either at 2am or on the way to school and generally got good marks on coursework n stuff. One day i decided to force myself to do the work in advance…. Worst grade i ever got and the teacher put something along the lines of “wtf is this” as a comment
That day I learned i am an unlimited bullshit generation machine that can only perform at max stress and chaos.
In my experience, executive “dysfunction” (“dysfunction” by whose standards?) is a protective, trauma response heightened by rejection sensitivity. So at some point the intrinsic motivation of the individual was quashed (alienation from outcomes of labor), there are external barriers to that persons mental performance (who wants to do busy work after being a full-time student? Or create art after working overtime?), and extrinsic motivation is even more ephemeral given how much work is done for some dickhead (client, teacher, project manager, boss). And so when intrinsic and extrinsic motivation are sapped- what is there to be motivated by?
My typical pattern is using the stress to channel my focus; but it inevitably fails due to burnout or loss of motivation (extrinsic mostly -“what’re you gonna do, fire me? Make my fucking day”; and my intrinsic motivation is mostly dead and buried, but sometimes kind people exhume the remains and it shambles around until buried by the next wave of bullshit)
But yeah saturation to the point of not caring is the ruling class’ sweet spot for the worker - just keep shoveling coal on endlessly (that’s how boilers work right? even in this analogy that wouldn’t cause the fire to smother, right?). But also funny- for instance I’ve been busting my ass on a bunch of projects; doing a bunch of teaching to young engineers; and I’ll still get the Friday morning email from a project manager saying they need something before Monday. Except now that I’ve been through enough shit - and my only communications with this person are them being a pain- I can at least confidently say they should do it themselves then if it’s so urgent, otherwise they’ll get it when they do.
Idk what I’m getting at here. Be kind to yourself? Kindness is out there too, and imo is a better investment of one’s time to find and build vs whatever capitalist grind lays ahead. Alignment with intrinsic motivation is a far better path than pleasing some knob whose only answer is “more!” Even if it does mean revolutionary struggle (more so from a pedagogical lens than an armed conflict one lol); which is draining, but that’s why it’s important to find comrades in the struggle and care for one another.
Come to hexbear for the memes and funny stickers, stay for the genuinely really insightful commentary on life issues thru a communist lens
I think it preventing one from doing almost anything, even things they theoretically “want” to, outside of extreme situations and producing severe burnout is a reasonable standard.
Yeah for sure it was really eye opening when I was evaluated for adhd how many patterns of executive dysfunction I’d internalized. I’d only ever learned to “white knuckle” my way through it, and then was confused when burnout became more regular and lasted longer. Shit sucks
in kindergarten or even pre-k somehow
Yeah I needed this thanks. Been stuck in perma crunch for the last 3 years and trying to snap myself out of it and go back to taking the piss. But like my brain is either cba to do anything cos why would I? I hate my team, company, product, tech stack, design decisions, leadership, office etc. Or i crank things out through melting my own brain.
Mmm the solution is play MMOs during work hours and work on personal projects.
Good call. Personal projects can be so joyful. It’s felt like crunch city no matter where one goes, so there’s gotta be some way to get away from it. I tend to enjoy high stress work - probably because it lets me ignore my needs lol until I’m eventually like “oh I feel like absolute shit”