Okay enough with the pleasantries, venting time. I’m so pissed at my wife right now. She’s manic so I shouldn’t be, it’s not really her fault but here we are.
Anywho, my buddy moved in last night. He’s been trying to get out of Florida for a while and I’m giving him a place to stay till he gets back on his feet. So we are all talking, she’s manic so she’s dominating the conversation which is fine. But then she decided to ask me, in front of my friend who doesn’t know I’m trans by the way, if I wanted to paint our nails this weekend. I brushed it off but like we talked about this. I told you I’m not comfortable talking to him about it yet and you almost outed me. The fuck! That’s like rule number 1!
Then, later on she was complaining about dealing with her period and how it must be so easy to be a man. Which is fine, I understand, I don’t mind really. But then she starts to talk about how her PCOS has her hormones all screwed up so she’s basically bisexual and bigender. Like what the fuck?!?! You can’t just decide that on a whim, in just the middle of a train of thought like it’s no big deal.
Do you know how insulting, belittling, and hurtful that is to me. To basically say, the identity I’ve been struggling to understand my whole life, that has caused me so much pain and strife, that I’m just now starting to understand and accept, is no big deal. Who cares it’s totally normal, it’s just a minor hormone imbalance. IT’S A HUGE PART OF MY IDENTITY FOR CTHULHU’S SAKE!!! It took so much for me to get to where I am. 30 fucking years it’s taken me to figure this out and I’m still not done! But oh no she just figures it out in the middle of a sentence and accepts it and moves on like it’s meaningless. And since we are talking with my buddy who I’m not out to, I have to just sit there and try to ignore it or out myself. I ended up taking a hit of my vape and drinking too much to try and stay calm.
I’m so fucking mad right now.
I know it’s just because she’s manic, and she didn’t mean anything by it. And honestly she probably didn’t even know what she was saying plus I guarantee you she doesn’t remember saying it. I want to talk to her about it but I don’t really see the point. Ugh this really fucking ruined my night and now my whole day and probably my life until I can talk about it in therapy. Writing it down helps but I know I’m going to keep obsessing over it.
And for the first time in our marriage she decided she didn’t want to sit with me, she needed her space, proceeds to decide she wanted to sleep wrapped up im a different blanket instead of under our weighted blanket with me, and then has the gaul to ask me to completely move all the the blankets out of the way and cuddle said other blanket with her inside and proceeds to curl up in the literal middle of the bed.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk
♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡
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Honestly it sounds to me like your wife was testing the waters for you: She knows you’re not out to your buddy so she pushes ideas that might bring him to react in a way that’s exposing his ideologies. Painting nails is a thing a bunch of cis men do as well with their wifes or daughters so it could be brushed off as that were the buddy to react negatively to it exposing him as not safe at the same time. Straight up getting him she’s bigender is also a way to out an unsafe person without endangering you in the process. Also please don’t blame everything on her being manic as if that removes conscious thoughts from your head. She might’ve had a plan as outlined above. She should’ve maybe discussed it with you first if so but maybe the plan came fairly spontaneously
This is coming from a place of personal experience, and I don’t really know your situation, so take it with a grain of salt. With the information provided, this feels to me like your wife is really not cool with your friend moving in and is acting differently/shitty rather than talk to you about it. Taking in a new housemate can be a really stressful experience for some people. I’m sure you’re all stressed about the situation, and manic behavior and pushing people away are common coping strategies. The perennial advice for relationship issues is to talk about it. The situation may be unresolvable for the time being, depending on what she’s feeling, but you could at least find ways to support each other and make getting through it easier for both of you.
Just a thought. Good luck, and I’m sorry you’re so upset :(
Sorry you’re going through this. Idk how much you want to hear advice but the one thing I’d like to say is to not let a disorder completely excuse bad behavior. You’re completely right to feel mistreated, you have more tolerance than me. Being called a man and having my hormones pushed aside would make me personally question the relationship.
Hugs your way, keep your chin up and try to talk it through when you can.
Also I wish people used manic correctly as it made me identifying it for myself take way longer than it should. Mania isn’t just being an asshole and if someone is actually manic they need immediate intense care. Like go to a hospital if it’s really bad. Even less intense mania still needs care, even milder forms of mania are no joke.
That being said it could also be other mental health stuff, but people still do have a responsibility to get treated if they have the means to do so. Also some things really don’t have an easy treatment but it’s really frustrating when there is some mental health thing and it just gets called mental health disorder of the day instead of actually figuring out what it is
🫂
