No I didn’t. Thank you. I’ll check it out.

I’m cross eyed. Can’t get a third dot. Boooooooo

lol

Most I ever paid for a blowjob is the one I got on credit and I’m still paying for today.

Let me tell you, even though I can’t get much action today because of the kids, she’s been worth every penny haha.

Of course I’m joking. I’m a stay at home dad. (Which interestingly autocompleted to “stay at home mom” and I had to delete it and try again). If anyone has paid it’s been her. I can assure you I’m not worth it. Don’t know why she puts up with me.

Their golden age was long gone.

They might have had another if the US hadn’t pushed them around.

Isn’t protest coooooo you guys?

My mother quit smoking 25 years ago and still has panic attacks about it every few weeks.

That pisses her off so she won’t ever smoke again.

Meanwhile idiots like me ended up vaping all day long and when I went back to cigarettes my tolerance was through the roof and I smoked more than I ever did.

I can relate.

I never got as bad as my father, who used a lighter once a day and lit the rest of them off of the last one.

I do both! Wooohoooo!

So start smoking and you won’t even notice.

Seriously though, as a lifelong smoker I do my best to keep it from being anyone else’s problem.

I wouldn’t have seen the two thin legs without y’all helping me.

Probably because I grew up during the “let’s all look like Jonathan Davis” era.

I don’t usually say this buuuut, you need Jesus.

Thank you. I don’t think I’ve ever been more insulted haha.

Are you even remotely serious?

Oh boy oh boy. Story time.

So around 2015 I got a call at work from an ex-girlfriend. I was 100% certain that the first time I had sex with her had occurred in 2008.

She informed me that it was actually in 2007 when we got drunk and ended up crashing at a friends place.

The whole point of her call was to tell me that she had a daughter, and that daughter was mine. I watched that baby for her when she was about 6 months old. It never even crossed my mind.

She had me totally convinced. I called my old friend who informed me that we did in fact have sex night and that he heard us and was annoyed by it. The timing was perfect. Uh oh.

Anyway, I always liked her. I didn’t think I had any reason to distrust her. So, like the fool I am, I just went with it.

She said that she didn’t tell me because of my heavy drinking, drug use, and promiscuity. She didn’t think I was cut out to be a dad, but then she seen through social media how good I was with my kids and decided she was wrong, all these years later. Things started seeming off pretty quick. She told me that a friend of hers passed away in a car accident, and she always told the daughter that he was her father.

Deeper than that, though, she told his family he was the father.

She told me that the little girl was that family’s link to him and that she didn’t want to break their hearts. But she wanted me to know, and she wanted me to have a relationship with my daughter. I thought it was fucked up that she had done that, but I certainly didn’t want to crush some mother’s heart who lost her young son in an accident and miraculously found that he had left a child for her to love.

She said that I could come around and that we would let the kid know when she was older.

We first agreed to meet at a park, I went and sat there for two hours and she never showed up. Then she apologized and said something came up, she wanted to meet at the petting zoo that was in town. I went to the petting zoo, sat there for a while, and she never showed up. She told me that she would be in touch with me, that she was sorry things kept coming up.

At that point, I had still refused to get a cell phone because I am so antisocial. I didn’t want to have to talk to people or answer people when I was outside of my home or my job. I didn’t get a cell phone until 2019, I always used an iPod touch with a VOIP app. So whenever I was left hanging, I just had to wait.

I ended up talking with the kid on the phone a few times, she was a very sweet kid, but very troubled. That trouble I knew, had to come from somewhere.

The last time we scheduled to meet, I got a call the day before. It was her sister.

“angryseal, I have always liked you. When I found out my sister was talking to you again, I couldn’t just sit by and let you get scammed. You are not the first long lost father, you’re probably about the 5th. To give you a clue how awful my sister is, she met a lonely older man who has spent his entire life taking care of his sick mother. He never had time to date, and after his mom passed he went out and had the misfortune of meeting my sister. She was at his house one night and noticed a bank statement with a large number. She hatched a plan and called him up a few weeks later. She told him she had cancer and that she couldn’t afford the surgery and was going to die if she didn’t get it. It was early enough that all she needed was a surgery, and that surgery was 40k. This man gave her 40,000 dollars, she called him one more time to say the surgery was successful and then she ghosted him. She blew all of that money vacationing with another man in Florida. They probably spent half of it on cocaine. You tell my sister that you want a DNA test and you will never hear from her again.”

What!? Ok.

So the next time we spoke, I told her that it wasn’t anything personal, I just didn’t want heartbreak on down the line and I told her I’d like to get a DNA test. “How dare you? What, you don’t trust me? I have never been anything but good to you! You know what?! I’ve done just fine raising her without you up to now and I’ll keep doing fine, you asshole!”

I have never heard from her again.

I still think about that pretty often haha. What a world we live in.

The woman I’ve been with for the last decade is an emotional woman, but she’s smart, capable, and stable.

The one I spent my late teens through 32, man oh man. It was always something with her. I’d be at work thinking everything was ok, get home and find she had left. I mean, she dealt with a lot of shit out of me, but damn.

Our last big breakup took 3 years. We were a signature away from closing on a loan for a home. She left me over and over again. Cheated with more people than I even know about. Didn’t want me at all until I found someone else and then all hell broke loose.

To give you an example of how much cheating went on at the end (maybe throughout, I never spied on her). 2 years after we had split for good an old mutual friend approached me at a gas station and apologized to me haha. I didn’t even know anything had happened between them.

Poor girl died from breast cancer 4 years after we split.

Life is chaos. It really is.

I’m only worth anything in a crisis.

It’s why my last relationship worked for so long. Girl was a living crisis.

I prefer to mate, thank you.

Man, I should have became an authoritarian ruler.

Instead I became isolated and I haven’t had a visitor in over a decade.

Fuck it. Vote for theangryseal!

For real though, maybe if I hadn’t ever used drugs haha. I had a lot of “friends” when I was living in that world. Might have stopped me. :p