I hope in the end, we find out it was embarrassing for everyone. Like, “Researchers discover that early humans were all thieves. No one hunted or gathered. We evolved distance running from stealing eggs and getting chased around by pissed off birds. Our ability to throw came from throwing rocks at the birds. We mastered tool use and harnessed fire when we got bored eating raw eggs and started experimenting. And then somebody realized with all these thieving skills, there were way bigger scores than bird eggs. And that’s when we started doing gang heists on lions and wolves for whole gazelles. Later, we bribed some wolves to help us rob Neanderthals. Thus began the human - dog alliance and the greatest crime spree since the Dinosaur Gang was at its peak.”