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The irony is that getting good grades in school often doesn’t translate to being good in university/college, most somewhat talented people have to learn how to learn at some point and doing it in university tends to be rather difficult (somewhat depending on what the education system in your country is like). Good luck getting through that gifted kid burnout with all the autism-related struggles on top, all while you’re supposed to start being an independent person.
I agree, me has failed already 8 vlasses in unj in less than a year, doing great, still no friends, still depressive, still delaing my annoying mom
I can’t get my self to study outside of classes, so many classses are justbexposition with no exercises, or loads of boring required reading books that I cant be bothered to read
in highschool I would just pay attention to class, do homework in the class or just not atball, do all the exercises and examples during the class along side the teacher, and it was great, I could learn
I’m the type to actually do their homework properly (usually), it’s just that I literally don’t know how to learn for a test, I usually just sort of look through my notes and some of the reading we did, but it hasn’t been working particularly well in uni. And writing in the vein of academic papers has been complete shit, it always felt like we’re just supposed to know how to do it without ever getting proper instruction on it, or even on how to pick a topic.
Funnily enough I managed to get good grades in high school and the three years of my engineering diploma but apparently the university that’s supposed to give me my actual Bachelor’s degree doesn’t even read students’ answers, so my score is only right above the lowest non-failing grade possible.
Aaaaand I killed off this semester’s attendance score entirely, because a proper depressive episode finally caught-up to me.
Feel this so hard. I think the main thing that happened with me is having good grades, isnt enough career wise. I had to network… but I for the life of me could not do it. Now I have ended up with a job in my field, but its only casual :/ (sooo much better then nothing tho)
Also just because I’m academically inclined dont mean I dont suffer from: poor social skills, meltdowns, sensory issues, auditory processing issues, emotional disregulation, burnout and tics. Not including stims since most of mine are just neutral to good for me.
Are you me? No you can’t because I’m pretty sure I didn’t write that comment…
Are you me?
I understand this. I’m trying to find a better job and asking people about jobs is difficult. I don’t know many professionals who can improve my job search, and going to so-called “networking events” seems odd. I can attend them, but it feels like forming artificial bonds just to advance your own agenda.
It’s weird. On one hand I’m proud to have overcome a lot of my shortcomings on my own to be able to succeed in spite of being clearly autistic with ADHD, but I wish I hadn’t been put in the position of having no other choice, but I know I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.
I see a lot of my neurodivergent peers saying they can’t do one thing or another, and I feel bad because I know that it’s possible with a lot of effort, but then I feel bad because I was never given the option to say I can’t do something - I had to succeed.
But I’m still proud of my success, and deep down I’m glad I was forced to overcome my shortcomings instead of continuing to let them hold me back, but I would never want someone else to be forced like that… It’s a difficult thing to process.
I was pushed so hard that I built a complete “normal human behavior simulator” that saved me from being a nonverbal wreck. What I did is nothing short of amazing, but it’s a product of tremendous abuse and internal struggle that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. How can I encourage someone else to endure as I did, to hope for the miraculous outcome I got? It seems unethical. I’d rather turn and attack the people putting that pressure on them.
A couple days ago I was with my mom and brother and she started talking about how she would check my grades in high school every day to make sure I wasn’t “gaming the system” by only doing enough to get a B in all my AP/honors classes she pushed me toward. As I started to recall all the pressure I was under to succeed for a future I couldn’t comprehend and had no plans of my own for, and the isolation I felt at home because I hadn’t been allowed to get out of the house myself before high school and why would that change, I started dissociating in her kitchen. Then I realized that’s what I would do in high school as well, and recognized the same “human simulator” layered on top of that. Now that I’ve had a decade away from all that to actually figure myself out to some degree I’m realizing I have a whole bunch of repressed stuff from that time that I should probably process. It’s lame.
I don’t know, the fact that you succeeded on that might just be specific to you, but that somethings works for you doesn’t mean that it will be the same for everyone.
Also, ambiental circumstances and factors are way more important than just the willforce and hard work.
Taking myself as an example: is not only that I’m poor (really, really poor, literally low class from one of the poorest countries of the world, Venezuela), but also that my surroundings are horrible and I can barely get help.
Now, even when I’ve managed to be better and to overcoming some of my one shortcomings, these have been only the low hanging fruits.
But even if I had infinite resources, there are still things that are literally impossible because of their nature. In example, I can’t just lookbat the eyes to everybody (and I add to it that I just feel that like an arbitrary rule, totally unnecesary), I only can with people with whom I’m really hardly confident with, becausr otherwise I’ll start trembling, cold sweating, my head and stomach will ache, I’ll feel hazy, numb and have nausea and fatigue. That’s because of social anxiety, and mine is so intense that I literally have to take meds for it. But even if meds could remove all of these symptoms, it still is uncomfortable for me.
And that’s other problem: most of these “shortcomings” and “bad things” are just stupid and ridiculous social expectations from a neurotypical-centrist society. And I won’t fuck with it, I’ll break these rules whenever I can because they’re incorrect and hazardous.
It’s so fun, amirite? When you are “gifted” as a kid because your grades are really good* so nobody thinks you are autistic because you’re not a “retard” and being autistic means being unintelligent.
Sure, you are socially inept, awkward, have stims, tics, strange meltdowns for no apparent reason, are a picky eater… But that must be just that you’re a bit weird, you surely can’t be autistic because you have good grades!
*: nobody would ever wonder why did I have so good grades in almost anything but in artistic disciplines that required the use of an artistic side that my brain simply didn’t have developed. Literallity and aphantasia explained it later in life and also explained together with the rest of my “weirdness” the autism.
even if you got bad grades, you were just lazy and needed to work harder
It’s me, I’m mid diagnostic process right now in my late 30’s lol
… i am the rawest dog.
tired woof
I see Osaka, I upvote.
Also being someone that wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood, it’s like, wow, my grades were alright, but God forbid you struggle dealing with sorting out ehere to go after
I had to drop out and it’s been a huge question of “now what?” for ages now as to how and in what direction to progress.
In my country grades are largely meaningless. Universities only accept based on final exam scores. You won’t find a single company that will even consider asking about grades. University grades maybe, but even that is rare.
I used to get a lot of good grades as a byproduct of attending classes and studying. As soon as I was near the finals, and coincidentally when classes were online, I stopped attending (or muted Teams), and just spent that time preparing for exams.
Thanks to this I got scores way above the average. Most of my teachers didn’t even mind, and agreed with my approach. I happened to have some very good teachers in high school.
I still don’t understand why a lot of kids’ parents pushed them for good grades. All it did was get them worse exam scores, with no benefits.
It only works, until you massively burn out, whatever crumbles of your life you were still holding together, get totally crushed, and they finally catch you, and diagnose you. And you live the rest of your life mentally, and financially crippled.
I just microdose burnout and am useless for half a day up to several days at a time. Hopefully The Big One never hits.
Back in my day, if you were poor, you didn’t even need good grades!
Let’s turn that fail into a pass just to get you out of here. This school is overcrowded as it is. The rest of life is going to be hard enough. Good luck, kid. You’re going to need it.
Embracing stoicism can help break the autism curse. I’m in my mid 30’s and I’m just figuring this out.
Stoicism is honestly the second step to dealing with your feelings. With autism, recognizing having feelings is the hard part. You’re hypersensitive to both external and internal stimuli, but they both feel the same. Separating them and recognizing that half of your experience is actually under your control, that’s the big win.
i got an autism diagnosis before gender dysphoria could bring my grades down to hell :3
😂😭
