My diagnosis actually said mine is low level, which i dont trust and im pretty sure I just am good at faking the test and its much worse than it looks.
My friend kind of thinks everyone just has adhd but they dont understand the level at which i have it. Like they can focus for a 16 hour workday- there’s no fucking way I could do that, I can barely do 9 and most of it is not real work either.
I have ADHD. I can usually hold my shit together at work, and I work 16 hour shifts. Some days my coworkers will notice enough to ask me if I’ve taken my meds, but most days I appear pretty chill. I’ll bet if you asked the majority of my coworkers they’d tell you I’m not ADHD.
What they don’t see is me going home and sobbing on the floor from the sheer effort and desperation of trying holding my shit together and not fuck up in ways that I can’t fix. I’m terrified every fucking day that today will be the day I fuck up enough that I can’t hide how bad my brain actually is anymore and I’ll make a critical error and I’ll lose my job. I don’t have a backup plan or someone to catch me if I fail, I’ll just be homeless at the end of the month when I can’t make rent.
I’m unmedicated (working on it) and work is brutal. It doesn’t help that I disagree at a deep philosophical level with a lot of the people I work with, and I’m trans sill working the job and with the people I actively transitioned around. Every day is a fucking marathon. Only saving grace is that for half my day I’m able to wear headphones and am doing something that is both very physical and somewhat creative. That alone makes me want to keep the job even though the pay is shit (the reason I’m not medicated).
This is me. I have made some very expensive fuck-ups at work and lost my job several times because of my forgetfulness or missing details. Thankfully I’m medicated now, but the fear and anxiety is still deeply ingrained in me. I am the livelihood of my family. I pay our bills, the mortgage, car payments and insurance. Any mistake could mean my family and I will need to start hunting for the nicest bridge to live under.
or have it at a much lower level than you?
it ain’t a competition, bud.
That is because the characteristics that make up ADHD are normal human features. Having ADHD just means your settings are far enough outside what most people have that it interferes with your ability to function inside the cultural expectations that work for most people.
ADHD and other neurodivergencies are neither binary nor a simple scale + we have different personalities and circumstances, so there are people that qualify as having ADHD yet manage it very well or have lives that mesh really well with their brand of ADHD by pure chance.
Some of these people think since it’s easy for them to manage it must be easy for everyone, and some sympathize and understand they have it (compared to us) easy.
It’s frustrating to have a genuine disability and not be believed because it’s not visible and obvious, and doubly so when it’s someone you think should get it.
I’ve met one person I didn’t believe had ADHD yet he thought for sure he did. He kept asking me and my other ADHD friend why we didn’t simply do this or that whenever we mentioned we struggled with something. He did later turn out to have another neurodivergency which made much more sense to me, but it’s also important to note that not all symptoms are gonna be in the part of someones life that you are witness to.
Like they can focus for a 16 hour workday- there’s no fucking way I could do that, I can barely do 9 and most of it is not real work either.
You’ll be able to hyperfocus far longer than that, once it’s something worthwhile that you’re interested in and inspires you. ADHD super powers yet to be experienced and discovered.
That’s my kind. If I am enjoying myself I tune out the world and will forget to eat or sleep. I’ve gone more than 24h without realizing it, though the autism exacerbates it. Many years ago I started setting an egg timer to help “bring me back” but these days I can use phone apps for that. I recommend that for fellow hyperfocus neurospicies.
There’s nothing quite like that moment when you realise that you’re about to pee your pants because body signals didn’t register. But then you also go, I’ll try to hold out so I can just do this, one, thing…
