I never considered myself trans back in Türkiye because on media, we only saw non-passing ones or hyperfem ones.

Bülent Ersoy, Gaga Bulut, crossdressers being shown as trans women on TV series, and the one I saw in my city (they transitioned at age 30+ and I clocked her when I was a kid even though I didn’t know much about trans stuff back then)

I just wanted to be like a cis girl with female voice and appearance, and I thought this is impossible. I also searched online but due lack of my English back at age 15, I couldn’t find anything and I had to give up. I had a sui attempt, and after recovery I got traumatized and I promised myself to just ignore all of my issues.

I stopped studying, I stopped everything that I cared about, just watched TV shows (16-18 was covid), was planning to join French foreign legion so I did gymmaxxing, my social anxiety and everything got worse but I was repping so hard, I was even copying and pasting other men’s behaviours to myself to prevent being seen as fem. I was idolising some men I liked. It made me miserable asf.

(French Foreign Legion is extremely conservative, anti-science, and strictly anti-LGBT.)

If I didn’t move to Canada, and talked to a trans woman online, I would be dead due “depression”.

I repped with sertraline until age 18, and I thought it was just “OCD”… Erdoğan fucked my body and life and now I’m the one who has to pay for the damage?!