I never considered myself trans back in Türkiye because on media, we only saw non-passing ones or hyperfem ones.
Bülent Ersoy, Gaga Bulut, crossdressers being shown as trans women on TV series, and the one I saw in my city (they transitioned at age 30+ and I clocked her when I was a kid even though I didn’t know much about trans stuff back then)
I just wanted to be like a cis girl with female voice and appearance, and I thought this is impossible. I also searched online but due lack of my English back at age 15, I couldn’t find anything and I had to give up. I had a sui attempt, and after recovery I got traumatized and I promised myself to just ignore all of my issues.
I stopped studying, I stopped everything that I cared about, just watched TV shows (16-18 was covid), was planning to join French foreign legion so I did gymmaxxing, my social anxiety and everything got worse but I was repping so hard, I was even copying and pasting other men’s behaviours to myself to prevent being seen as fem. I was idolising some men I liked. It made me miserable asf.
(French Foreign Legion is extremely conservative, anti-science, and strictly anti-LGBT.)
If I didn’t move to Canada, and talked to a trans woman online, I would be dead due “depression”.
I repped with sertraline until age 18, and I thought it was just “OCD”… Erdoğan fucked my body and life and now I’m the one who has to pay for the damage?!
I was also stupid, I’m accepting my own fault too but Türkiye is a country without legal protections for LGBT people.
IDK, maybe I’m being too hard on myself.
huuuuh, ssri med was worsen my state 100x i now realize, incl mild dysmprphobia, mild ocd
i was never repped, i was actually became agressive to protecct myself from mom, but KNOWING and taking shit they bumping into me is completly wrong from first pill, and i was needed not swallow this trash, protect myself more, be more extreme, and atleast ignore new psychiatrist completly and do protect from mother instead while knowing IS COMPLWTLY WRONG, i actually HAD ability to taper meds safely bettdr than dumbass with medical license…
i was closed into psych prison too, never forget this hell
mother is extremly manipulative person extremly dumb
pharma-vise an self educated young kitty did a ton better than 36 yo “progressive” dumbass with 6+ years of edycation, years of being “doctor”, which doesnt know how to use drugs at all…
i wanna drone attack all them