Feels like they’re discriminating against orphans and runaways to be honest, precisely the kind of children who would find life as a child soldier most beneficial and appealing. Why have such an arbitrary roadblock for these marginalized youth to find a productive role in society?

/s obviously

Why The Onion doesn’t really work? Because this is almost believable.

That’s what they put on the EULAs

Some of those fake guns are clearly fake guitars

Pick me up a carton of smokes at the drugstore.

Signed by whom?