No it was not easy. Literally no step of the process was even remotely pointed in the same direction as easy. You observing me finally finish a task does not mean it was ever, is currently, or necessarily will be in the future, easy.
And if it is easy in the future? That’s my personal win, not your right to dismiss my past hard work that got me here.
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It feels pretty easy when all you have to do is observe and give occasional instructions.
Most people are pretty bad at guessing the amount of effort someone else needs to complete a task.
Most people also have enough empathy to ask how much effort it was instead of telling you what they experienced and assuming it was the same for you.Unfortunately, some people will still think a headache is painless because they are not the one experiencing it.
My daughter (and wife, suspected) has adhd but I do not, and I’d like to understand this more. What are some situations where this happens?
It can be anything which includes a step my brain wants to avoid, even things I want to do.
The thing I want to avoid is often linked to a negative emotion or anticipation of a negative experience (especially conflict or boredom), or a step that I think will be annoying and difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. I can’t always articulate why starting something feels like I have to scale a mountain but I know that anything I can’t start immediately just becomes harder as more time passes.
Some recent examples include:
- My brother has asked me to scan and send him a document. It’s been a week and I think of it every day but I still haven’t done it because the 1st step involves digging through a pile of papers that induce guilt because in 2.5 years I still haven’t sorted them out. So I think, “I can sort the papers at the same time”, and instead do nothing.
- I haven’t checked my post in 3 weeks. The bigger the pile becomes, the harder it is to start. I’m sure it includes bills that are now overdue, so combination of boredom avoidance and shame.
- I really want to start a dance class but need to organise a dog sitter for my puppy first (too young to stay alone for now). A dogsitter I can trust? So hard. I haven’t even tried.
I can’t even do things I love due to task paralysis. I want to walk dog, but I need a shower and can’t get up. I want to build an electrical device I have parts for, but worry about everything else so much I just can’t. I can’t do anything but sit.
Big tasks that require multiple steps that each may have different ways to tackle it. Think about Hal in Malcolm in the Middle trying to change a lightbulb but attempting every other thing he comes across along the way because it inconvenienced the previous action. Those with ADHD can run these possibilities and things that need to be to be done first to make another thing more efficient or easier in their head, along with every currently thinkable permutation of how they can be done. We struggle with finding where to draw the line and to decide to leave the plan and just act upon how it is at the moment. It can be very overwhelming and that’s before an action has even been taken.
