I’m often disappointed with myself when I’m angry. It feels like, “a stronger person wouldn’t be mad at this” or “I’m fragile/insecure”. Anger has been the hardest emotion to live with; it just feels wrong.
I always need external validation from others during/after anger. And worse, I need an endless supply of it.
Learning to validate myself is the obvious solution but I don’t have a clue where to start. A self-help book would just sit on a shelf. Do you have any tips?
For starters don’t call yourself Stinky.
To be fair…we don’t know they aren’t
Lookup internal family systems (a good book would be “No Bad Parts”). It’s like you have parts of yourself arguing and putting other parts down. It’s all parts of you trying to protect you but they maybe don’t recognize the roles each part has. Try to find out what your anger is trying to say, sometimes when the part is heard it is more manageable. The point isn’t to make the anger go away but see if it can let other parts help in whatever need it is trying to accomplish.
I’m interested, who is the author? I found several books by the name
Full title:
No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model Book by Richard C. Schwartz
awesome, I’ll start there. thanks for the suggestion
Are you able to recognize what you’ve done right and well?
I heard somewhere that learning to write with your non-dominant hand helps with self-control and anger management.
Assuming you don’t have access to therapy, but I do think that’s your best bet.
It might help when speaking to yourself to talk to yourself as if you were either a close friend or your as a child. Would you say any of those things to your best friend if they were upset? Probably not, so just train yourself not to speak to yourself that way.
If you think you have an actual anger problem then maybe finding a good outlet for anger would help like exercise or art.
