This has happened too many times to be a coincidence and it’s always men from Taimi that already know I’m trans, it’s never the men from Hinge whom I date stealth.
They invite you over everything seems nice until you tell them you don’t want sex. I’m asexual, and this leads to some agressive reaction from him always followed by “you’re too young and immature you can’t be asexual” with tarnsphobic remarks. ALWAYS the same sentences.
This last time this guy yelled at me saying “You think I’m stupid? You’re asexual but post pictures of your fat ass in your profile” I’m not joking he literally said that shit 💀
Mind you they’re not pictures of my butt, I’m fully clothed, this is an example:
It’s funny how I never get these reactions from men that I’m having a date with while stealth, not even when I tell them later. They either don’t care or just tell me they’re not interested in trans people, but the guys who are from Taimi seem to be the most transphobic and deranged.
Hey, heres a “guide” on how to detect and treat chasers, it might be helpful for yor situation!
What exactly is a chaser?
We use the term “chaser” to describe people who fetishize trans individuals based on their assumed sexual characteristics. They are not looking for genuine relationships or friendships, but simply other people to satisfy their sexual fantasies. Although the majority of chasers are male, people of any gender can be chasers.
There are a few clear signs, although not all criteria need to be met:
Excessive focus on your body, especially your genitals. Very quickly asking for photos and images of you, sexual or non-sexual in nature. A rapid urge to meet in person, just the two of you, especially (but not exclusively) with the person in question. Love bombing, i.e., showering you with compliments. Often intrusive, pushy behavior, (passive-)aggressive if you are not interested in sex, often accompanied by attempts to make you feel guilty. Use of sexualized language and fetish terms to describe you.General behavioral tips
Trust your gut feeling. If something makes you uncomfortable, you should refrain from doing it. As a rule of thumb, “no” is a complete sentence and only ‘yes’ means “yes.” If someone tries to persuade you to engage in intimacy—even digitally—you should set boundaries with that person and block them completely. This also (and especially) applies to requests for other contact options (Discord, Instagram, TikTok, Telegram, etc.) and photos. In general—regardless of the platform—make use of the option to block people. Consider adjusting your DM settings so that only people with whom you have other friends, servers, or similar connections can write to you directly, or disable DMs altogether. If you are unsure about someone, it is better to say no at first or ask friends for their opinions.
The VAST VAST majority of people see some degree of sexual contact as a necessity in any long term relationship. You are, of course NEVER obliged to have sex with anyone. However, stating in your bio that you are in no way interested in sex will mean that you don’t have to deal with people who expect it. because they will read that and simply move on and look elsewhere.
There are plenty of asexual people out there who only want companionship and you really ought to concentrate on them. A relationship between you and someone who isn’t asexual will only end in resentment, because either you capitulate or they do. It’s the same with having children you have to be in agreement with your partner or it won’t work. Even if two sexual people have different libidos it can be a problem because one feels starved for attention and the other feels pressured to the point it becomes performative.
Oh I’m very aware of that, I’m very open about being asexual in my profile. Honestly I wouldn’t even mind having to try and have sexual interactions with a partner I love. But in the first date? Threatening someone and yelling at them just because I refused to have sex makes me think a lot of dangerous men look for trans women because they think we’ll put up with the abusive behavior cis women don’t.
Haven’t had that experience (yet? thankfully) in my transition, but yeah ew, I can imagine. I only had a guy be all flushy when I sat next to him in the train, but other than that, nothing.
I think it’s because guys often date only for the fucks, and not to just have a fun time together gaming, walking, doing hobbies. They’re horny mfs. But yeah, I feel like what you describe are chasers, ie. people who “chase” trans people, not because they think they’re cool, but becaue of fetishisation. They wanna treat us as a sort of property, and don’t actually care at all about us and our issues as people.
Jealous of your looks though sis, I wish I had that! Either lucky genetics, or that’s good exercise. Maybe I should do that too. Any tips, if I may ask?
Yes they’re definitely chasers but I feel like it’s something more than just fetishistic nature. They think trans women will put up with things that they do that cis women don’t that’s why they persue us and when we’re just like any other woman they show their true face.
To be honest I’m a very sedentary person but doing more exercise is something that everyone should do. I was very skinny as a teen but now I’m 21 and estrogen started to act differently in my body, I gain more weight specially on the hips and bottom. But it also makes me gain acne if I eat sugary foods. Kinda like my body’s telling me I’m not a teenager anymore 😅
Yeah, I don’t put up with that bullshit either. I might be trans but that doesn’t mean I put up with more.
As for your body - so it’s taking estrogen early + genetics? Darn. I started at 28… I wish I’d started so much sooner - had I known my family would be positive, I myself would have started at primary school age.
I have a mostly rectangular body, only extremely slightly hourglassy. I have a small but decent ish butt, not nowhere near yours. I didn’t know I could feel butt envy 😭😂
My body basically is shaped like a not very muscular twink, with a bit of 85C boob and hip/butt. So I feel like the E’s not done much, but to be fair, I’m only 10 months on it and still taking antiboyotics alongside the F&F’s. I do have luscious hair though, which helps! I hope it’s not too late for my hips to widen up, but I don’t have much hope.
You’ve only been 10 months on E? Girl I’ve been on E for 9 years, give it time so your body develops with your hormones. I didn’t notice anything for years 😵💫
sounds like chasers to me, on a side note I’m so glad i only date women.
Of course they’re chasers, but I feel like this goes beyond that. These are dangerous people I’m talking about, I’ve been threatened by them just because I refused to have sex in the first date.
If they’re just normal about their interest in a certain type but still saw me as a human worthy of basic respect rather than just a sex toy, I wouldn’t personally call them a chaser.
Granted, I’m still early in my transition and don’t date (aroace), so I have limited experience with such and don’t have to to deal with partners who’d be disappointed if I did things like got bottom surgery, but would still be respectful about it. So my usage of the term may be different. But not sure if there are enough cis men in the world who are into gock are also respectful to make a meaningful differentiation from chasers.
Chasers simply don’t view trans fems as people, they see them as sex objects. They’re so entitled and porn brained that they see you saying no as if a sex doll told them no and they flip shit.
Stay safe sis. Make sure to let someone know where you’re going and put your own safety first. I’m so sorry youve had these experiences. I would just stop using Taimi entirely. I’ve dated men before though and yeah I could go on about all the horrible experiences I’ve had.
Its tough out here. Hope your week is off to a lovely start 🩷
