I have been having a really tough time with emotional regulation for several months. Every slight irritation feels like fucking nails on chalkboard, where something like buying the wrong thing at the store and not noticing until I get home might make me want to scream and throw things. I don’t, but a lot of the time with annoyances I just loudly swear as kind of a pressure release and when it’s really bad Ive been white knuckling it so as not to hit myself or throw shit. Normally I just let out a loud “FUCK” or “GOD DAMNIT”. Not screaming, but much louder than I talk

My partner is from a normal healthy family so me raising my voice or just exasperatedly saying “fuck”, not at him, but at the thing, is really upsetting to him. I don’t see the big deal because my mother is a fucking cyclone of screaming and chaos so I’m very tame in comparison. But, I know it’s something I need to try to control, I guess, but I feel like I can’t. It’s just an instinctive reaction, especially when there are a couple mistakes/annoyances stacked on eachother.

Any advice if you struggle with this? I go to therapy and my therapist sucks so thats not helpful right now

  • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
    1·
    25 days ago

    I have a little capybara stuffed animal in my work bag which I literally couldn’t bring myself to destroy

    That’s so cute. I saw some handmade hammerhead shark and frog plushies online that are palm sized that are meant as regulating/sensory items and I was very tempted to get one. I forget that when I’m feeling really bad I like to wrap myself up in my fuzzy robe so maybe having something like that handy could help. I totally get the urge to destroy stuff like that too. I always tear up receipts and pieces of paper, ripping up or chewing on things is so satisfying lol.

    Now that I’ve thought on it more deeply, I think I just kinda try to shove my frustration down…and then do it again, and again, until finally I’m so crispy after a couple of “stressful” days that I just can’t control it. So maybe I need to lean into these types of comfort items/stim behaviors more often to head it off, as you said.

    in regards to breaking the family cycle: That’s really so amazing that you all are able to be introspective and vulnerable with eachother about your feelings. Such a tough thing to do for dudes; my partner often feels pretty isolated because he feels he has to keep things surface level with any of his other male friends.