So a few weeks ago i had a bout with a close friend of mine (autistic nb) who lashed at me because i wasn’t supportive enough when they had a rough patch. I agree with this assessment mostly but pointed out to them that as im autistic i couldnt read the room and i was shut down that this is exactly a lot of autistic man’s way to make excuses for not putting in any effort to improve their communication.
After that i did a bit of self exploration and i did recognize that i do actually have problems with this (though with reservations that aren’t relevant here) and i feel like while most things i am completely able to communicate assertively and even proactively and have been praised for my emotional intelligence multiple times but this communication thing to me still feels like i am just playing cards in my head and my deck is completely unprepared for this scenario - someone going through it and needing support.
So does anyone have any resources (books/articles/anything i can read mostly cause im not a video person) i can start on this?
I don’t have a resource, but you’re not alone in this - I struggle with this too (usually while walking away and going through my mental conversation checklist realizing that I’ve forgotten to ask people about themselves…). I do genuinely care, I just want most social interactions to be over asap and have about a dozen dvd logos bouncing around the corners of my brain lol.
I echo what others have said though. For me it’s like any physical exercise, repetition and training are key. And learning my own boundaries around mental/sensory overwhelm; because if I’m overwhelmed but ask out of obligation and then someone starts talking about their issues, there’s a non-zero chance I’ll immediately glaze over.
Yeah my problem is that i always gravitated towards people who were pouring everything on me without asking because i was way more comfortable reacting to others than leading a convo but now i feel i came to a point where i can’t ride it out anymore and even with these kinds of friends my relationships became kinda shallow so i’m trying to up my game. Thanks a lot for the answer!
Best wishes on your journey! It takes an effort for sure, good on you for trying
Boundary setting is really hard, especially when you don’t realize a boundary is being crossed. As the other poster said, a lot of practice and repetition to realize what you’re comfortable with, and also to be firm enough that the boundary doesn’t get crossed.