I’ve become aware, as I get older, how my initial emotional reaction to conflict isn’t always fair and is usually pointed backward, defensive and angry. I also know that I do better if I have time alone to process how I’m feeling, and often by the time I’m done things have moved on.
What I’ve been working on is to stop using excuses - the moment has passed, I’d just be dredging up the same argument, I’ve had this conversation in my head a bunch but they never turn out exactly right - and just go back to the people involved and tell them how I feel because they deserve that effort. There have been disagreements I’ve had where I wasn’t in the wrong but the other party did something I can admire and appreciate, and it doesn’t hurt me any to say that.
And it never ends with what I imagine is “argument perfection”: a point by point discussion of intent and action and history. Which is silly because life is messy but it gets better and I and others grow more patient and willing to move forward if I’m not always bracing for a blow.
That’s…probably a bit confusing, but it’s been something I’ve been mulling over, so…what personality traits of yours are you working on?
I’m a good listener, but I’m not a good question asker. I want to try to ask more questions during conversation, so people know I’m interested in what they have to say.
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@wesker @Lemmylefty I find this happening in phone call convos w friends at times. They’ll tell me things that are going on in their lives that may not be ‘ooh interesting’ but that I enjoy hearing about/reflecting upon with them. But I don’t always have feedback or insights or questions to ask etc, so as I’m thinking of something to say, the Convo veers off to some other topic, maybe with the impression given that I’m not interested, which is definitely not the intention