Ya know what, fair point. Any one of those would make marvelous Onion post if they weren’t real things that happened!

I’m down for making a dog richer than our richest billionaires.

This is the one where you ate the onion? Lol

Hey, whatever Taytay wants, Taytay gets. Murders, strawberry ice cream, rigged Superbowls, you name it.

Gosh I hope so. It’s true, the proper thing to do is Yes-And my behavior, lol

This is the type of joke I make in my classes, and it’s beautiful to see how many Gen z students don’t realize it’s a joke. To them, I’ve murdered several people, had a very messy breakup with Taylor Swift, and probably repeated high school. Also belonged to several bands with obscure names.

It’s not my fault, I grew up on Conan O’Brien and Craig Ferguson. Those implied one-offs are a tick I can’t control, lol

Certain “cures” don’t sit well with your gut, and it’s a pleasant image, so that’s my thought after hearing he’s getting treated for age.

Ugh, 90 minutes later and it turns out he was never really in trouble. Thanks, Disney.

“Can YOU spot the lovers kiss? 96% of readers only see vegetables!”

Somewhere, in some pathetic bunker, Putin is having terrible diarrhea day after day while taking this so-called treatment.

Please enjoy that thought while you continue doom scrolling.

Some disciplines use alphabetical order. I’d like to see a study that looks into if in this fields, does it impact the prosperity of tenure and grant funding?

Dino Sutra

Mom got angry when I kept putting chicken bones under my pillow each night. “Don’t incur the wrath of the bone fairy!” she warned!

Anyway, I’m a fae touched warlock now so who’s laughing now, Ma.

Would clarifying words have helped? “If you only sailed with forward force…” or “Following along the surface of the earth…” or… what?

Obviously they mean that you don’t need to make any turns and that straight means an arc around the earth and not through the Earth, unless someone has a very different idea what sailing means…

Tbf, UCLA literally gave us a template like this in a lab class I had in psych. I called it madlibs at the time and I’m sticking to it!

I always hate that this guy’s crappy political cartoons sometimes crawl into the “this week’s political cartoons” posts various news outlets have. They tend to tilt right anyway though, I guess since only old folks tend to care about political cartoons.

My thought was well. Sure they’re fighting for their country’s very existence, but that’s no excuse not to use the team colors!

God even their memes are weird, and this coming from me who saw endless beans first day on Lemmy.

Welp, someone at Telltale Times has a toddler. Aside from the dog walk, this is pretty much my day everyday without hyperbole. Would be funny if it wasn’t so exhausting.

Oh, and to add, they need an isolation event because spending the day with kids and kids alone is awful for both introvert and extrovert alike. I don’t care to go out but I also can’t be alone with my thoughts.

And these facts are how you ruin reincarnation. You know how many passes you need to be human again? It’s a lot.