If I wanted to do that part of the story for you, I wouldn’t have asked you to do it.

I’m done with self care, it’s time for others harm.

People just don’t like homework. (Which is perfectly understandable) And for most people most of the time, learning a new system is homework.

I was going to say no, dwarves drink beer, but then I realized that elves would absolutely be Insufferable IPA Guy.

Elves just get really into coffee for a couple centuries. Their covid bread-making phase lasts until at least 2400.

“You go to ask your Grandpa about it. He tries to explain but is so fucking racist you can’t even tell if he’s still speaking common. In between gibberish that’s probably old-timey slurs, you pick out something like ‘follow the quest hook’ and ‘the dm already told you where to go’”

“Nah roundears I wrapped it up”

“Yeah, I had to spend 50 doing your mom. And 50 before that for her mom, and her mom…”

Mom and dad have 900 years of savings in the college fund.

I have no idea what book y’all are talking about, but does it specify that the rifle projects antimatter in any way? Maybe it uses antimatter in place of chemical propellant to fire a slug really fast? (and some handwavey technomaterial to contain the pressure)

I once doodled my Paladin’s full plate as including a chastity belt with a big ol’ padlock

If they promise to be my new best friend they can keep the silver

You gain 20xp and find 10 gold on the joke’s body.

Starbucks is a real coffee chain that exists in the real world. Moondeer and sunfawn follow the same naming scheme, but the players didn’t realize that was what the DM was building to until the big reveal. It’s…pun-adjacent.

Fantasy Dexter. Actually loves murder, but instead just gets their kicks vicariously by stealing the memories of murderers

I remember hearing blahaj went away

Consider shrinking your scale. There’s an impulse to draw entire worlds or continents, but then you feel obliged to operate at that scale. The “Known world” of my players for the last 3 campaigns is roughly the size of Florida, and they don’t even see all of it, not by a long shot. In those 4 campaigns, they:

1. Traveled from the capital to the border and back again
2. Settled a valley on the border
3. Sailed up and down the coast And that represents 12 years of gaming! It’s only the campaign I’m prepping now where they are going to explore the other side of the mountains…another chunk of land roughly the size of Florida :P

Shoulda used sorcery lol

Wait I found a reference to the page…and it’s not actually the right one.

Legally, they can’t send the Pinkertons to rob you, either.