I don’t know if I have a problem seeing myself. My problem is that who I see is ever so slightly different over time. I also know that the self-image I have is incongruent with many things. Gender. Age. Some basic physical features, like hair and eye color. It’s not just the visual, either. There’s a gap between how I carry myself today vs. how I feel I should be physically moving. How I sound is wrong. My scent isn’t correct, either. So while I don’t need to force myself to mentally conjure my self-image, it’s a struggle to keep it nailed down to a single me sometimes.

Negative; I am the willow tree you sit beneath for shade and comfort. I have always been here, and I will always be here. This is an enchanted forest, after all. What is a forest without it’s trees?

Now why did you have to go and post this? I guess I need to figure out what “submissive” and “rope bunny” mean now.

I came out to a friend this weekend. She was a house guest for a while and managed to be an amazing person the whole time! I had such a good weekend just existing as myself for a while that it was almost overwhelming. I was telling my spouse how I felt and that I was so happy, and I haven’t felt this happy in so long. I just started crying from the joy.

I saw her in the mirror.

I brought her out to be seen.

I am her.

Take care of yourself! A little bit of maintenance can prevent a whole lot of suffering.

Listen I tried. I actually went to what I thought was going to be my therapy appointment and all I got was: “I’m not a therapist. This is a consultation. You should se a therapist, though! Here’s a list; see if any of them are covered by your insurance. And I have no idea if any of them are trans-affirming”. So yeah, I tried to do something, but ended up doing nothing. I’m still a dysfunctional bitch, though.