And, if anybody recognizes something about my psyche that I am not recognizing, do shoot out!

the only thing I would say is that it’s very common for binary trans women to experience a huge amount of denial which can make it very hard to feel gender euphoria and to recognize gender dysphoria as gender dysphoria; I think for this reason it’s also not uncommon for us to take a long time to figure out we are women, and that path often includes years identifying as non-binary, agender, gender fluid, etc. - and it’s very common for binary trans women to feel indifference or numbness about their gender. I think the reason for this is mostly the fear around social and medical transition. Your story sounds pretty much exactly like mine: I myself spent years as a man who just wanted to undo the male socialization (including years in therapy with the explicit goal of undoing my maleness), and also spent years identifying as non-binary and disclaiming gendered pronouns. That was before I finally ran across some trans resources and realized my experiences were entirely compatible (and in fact stereotypically common) with being a binary trans woman.

Typical next steps include: 1. education, 2. trying out estrogen, 3. getting into therapy with a gender-informed therapist (particularly one who has lots of experience helping trans patients).

The right dose and route of administration of estrogen is low risk, can be very clarifying for people in denial, and can dramatically improve mental health, so I think it should be an early step rather than a later step. The permanent effects don’t even start until after 3 months.

I can send a list of resources for the education step if you’re interested.

But that’s all I could think of - just be open to possibility as you explore and learn more.

EDIT:

Read any trans related educational material you feel might be useful, but here’s a starting list:

• Gender Dysphoria Bible
• Whipping Girl by Julia Serano (and Sexed Up as well)
• Yes, You Are Trans Enough by Mia Violet
• “What Does the Scholarly Research Say about the Effect of Gender Transition on Transgender Well-Being?”
• An Introduction to Hormone Therapy for Transfeminine People

You might also find helpful this longer list of resources.

I’ve also put together some tips on how to help with dysphoria you might find useful.

^ yes, this is what it looks like when you’re on the operating table

!autismmemes@lemmy.zip

yes, you look like your spaceship just landed on a planet’s seaport - rather surreal in the literal sense (of having dream-like qualities)

so Matt Walsh works for Daily Wire, which is a right-wing and conservative media company that was started with oil money:

The Daily Wire was conceived by Ben Shapiro and Jeremy Boreing, who both worked for TruthRevolt, a news website that was formerly funded by the David Horowitz Freedom Center.[11] After the duo secured several million dollars in seed funding from billionaire petroleum industry brothers Dan and Farris Wilks, the Daily Wire was launched in 2015.

For context, the David Horowitz Freedom Center is a right-wing Islamophobic foundation, and listed as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

So why is ending the Iran war is a demand being made here, and why do we think Matt Walsh is taking this stance?

Is it because Matt Walsh is an anti-Semite and wants the US to stop supporting a war that he sees as ultimately benefiting Israel (the way MTG ended up becoming anti-Israel likely for anti-Semitic reasons)?

if you know how many precious memories you’ve forgotten, you haven’t forgotten hard enough, here have some more alcohol

I love looking a trans woman and seeing the woman ✨

hai

so cute!

yes, I think the “forced feminization” fantasy is something trans women engage in because they’re women and living as a man is the inhumane torture you mentioned

but you mentioned the sword should be evil and thus only be able to be wielded by transmasc individuals, which started this whole discussion

my point is that it doesn’t matter whether the man is cis or trans for them to be tortured by feminization, and so the sword’s evil condition should really only allow it to be wielded by men (whether cis or trans). There’s nothing special about trans men that makes them uniquely tortured by feminization, all men are that way.

Perhaps the psychological struggle to accept that men don’t like feminization is due to the common denialism that trans women experience with accepting they really are women and not men?

either way, yes - I think it’s a good suggestion that the sword only be wielded by men to make it evil

(though, that sorta defeats the point of the transfem fantasy here, lol)

yeah, in the case of Turing he was forced to take estrogen (which was called “chemical castration” because the estrogen usually eliminates fertility)

in the case of Reimer, they accidentally cut off his penis during a circumcision, so they surgically gave him a vulva and then raised him as a girl and gave him estrogen.

basically both were cases of cis men who were feminized by force

(I guess the direct comparison to the sword’s evil effect was the way these men were forced to take estrogen.)

Forced feminization of men is evil whether those men are cis or trans.

this is Judeo-Christian culture

yes, it is very evil - see Alan Turing and David Reimer.

or, like, a cis man - just … any man, really

much luck!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B3Xi5L6siI

in case anyone else is not familiar with NileRed ^

kids my age were playing console games by the time they were 6 - 8 years old easily - 8 years old is not like being 4 years old; still, I think parents often do buy things for their kids that are really for themselves and this could clearly be an example

definitely true! I’m just not sure it’s the most probable scenario, and regardless it’s helpful to clarify the man bought a PS1 when he was nearly 30 years old.

A 19-year-old Florida man has been arrested after authorities say he killed, dismembered, and stuffed the body of a registered sex offender in a suitcase and left it in a remote area of Palm Bay.

An investigation revealed that surveillance footage captured Daniel arriving at Jones’ home around 5:32 p.m. on March 20. Daniel, who lived about a mile away, was never seen leaving Jones’ house.

He reportedly admitted to her that he killed Daniel because Daniel was a sex offender. She told investigators she did not know how the two met, but said Jones had printed a list of sex offenders.

I think this is called mission-oriented killing, though it sounds like maybe it was his first killing, it still sounds like it fits the motive of a mission-oriented serial killer.

semi-related: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowtown_murders (and the film based on the murders)

PS1 was released in North America in Sept. 1995, 30 years ago.

So the grandpa was born in 1967 to be 28 in 1995, which does make him 58 in 2025.

Still, it sounds more like the grandpa was buying the PS1 for his 8 year old son in 1995.