This sounds fucking horrible. I’m sure it will in no way sully the good reputation of this beloved show.

If you rolled “1”:

1. Read the article.

2. Find and quote the weakest sentence. Must be tangential to the main thesis.

3. Say “This makes me not want to read the article.”

If you rolled “2”:

1. Do not read the article.

2. SF Bay Area humble brag: “This reminds me of the time I met Steve Jobs…”

If you rolled “3”:

1. Open with “I have a doctorate in point-set topology. This is utter nonsense.”

2. Fail to explain the concept correctly.

If you rolled “4”:

1. “You no longer need to pay for software. I just spin up an agent swarm.”

2. Your token budget is $7,000 a day.

If you rolled “5”:

“I agree that the emergence of the techno-surveillance state is appalling. But as the lead of facial recognition at Flock, I just don’t know what a single person can do.”

If you rolled “6”:

“I browse with HTML disabled. This site did not load for me.”