A woman crossed the street to not walk on the sidewalk where he was waiting for a bus. […] But then he asked how different would that be if he crossed to street if a black person was waiting for the bus? I’ll be honest I didn’t have an answer for him. […] What’s different?
I have a difference right here: a rather sizable fraction of women experience violence at the hands of men. A very small fraction of people in the USA experience violence at the hands of black people.
A study performed by Statistics Canada put the number of women over the age of 16 who’ve experience violence at the hands of men at 50%. Now this study had some very deep flaws in the interpretation so take that number with a huge grain of salt. Statistics Canada being, however, a respected organization for statistical information (until Unka Steve gutted it about a decade and a half ago at lest) had its questionnaire, its methodology, and its raw data available for acquisition.
And me being the obsessed lunatic that I am acquired it all. And went over the numbers and methodology with a fine-toothed spork. Once I found the biggest flaw (conflating everything from a single shove once in their life after the age of 16 to aggravated and repeated sexual violence as “violence against women” and being put into the pool), I recalculated the number with just the violence that was any kind of assault, sexual or otherwise, that resulted in bodily harm.
And even there that number was shockingly high. It was just a hair under 24%. One woman in four, basically, had experienced some form of violence from men that could have been a court case with a jail sentence.
One. In four.
Look around you, wherever you are right now. Count the number of women in sight. Divide that by four. In Canada at least that’s how many of them have experienced violence from men. (Actionable violence, note, punishable by detention in a penitentiary.) Count the number of women in this community. Divide that by four. That’s how many of us here in this community have done so. (And the rest who weren’t so unlucky as to have experienced the violence almost certainly know several who have.)
Now I personally don’t have access to any studies’ raw data for acts of violence committed by blacks against non-blacks, but I have a very deep suspicion that this number is nowhere near 25% of white people, or even just white guys.
That’s the difference right there. Most women have either been assaulted by a man or know someone who has. Most white guys do not have similar experiences, direct or vicarious, with black guys. That’s why it’s racist to cross the street when a white guys sees a strange black guy, but not necessarily sexist to cross the street when a woman sees a strange man. (And also why it’s the bear, duh.)
This “race to the bottom” is called “risk management”. When literally one person in four of your social group has been attacked by men, only an idiot assumes good faith when faced with men.
This is not saying that all men are bastards. This is not saying that all men should be jailed (as some very extreme 2nd generation feminists said once). This is saying that you absolutely must be very careful when dealing with men. Let’s look at the payouts, shall we?
Me? Personally? I’m very averse to violent injury and/or death. That’s kind of the -♾ payout that basically overrides all others. And when one in four of my sisters have already experienced this outcome, you can’t even say that the probability is low. Any strange man (and, tragically, often even those you think you know) is a potentially violent thug with a game-ending outcome in the game theory analysis. Suspicion and assumption of bastardry until proved otherwise is a survival strategy.
And men who are really allies? They get this. They understand that the woman’s calculus of navigating the world around them is very different from the man’s. (And let’s not even start down the path of what happens to the sisters who are trans.) And while maybe it may grate on them a little, they’re not going to start whining about it except possibly to their closest SOs, etc.
The men who do whine? The men who use this, and I can’t stress this enough, survival strategy as an excuse to go the direction of the Tates or down the MRA/PUA/Incel/whatever rabbit hole? They never were allies. They never will be allies. And they can rot in Hell.
Nobody is writing them off, FFS! As strident as I am about this (again, for emphasis) survival strategy, I have an SO that I have been together with since 2003. Before that I dated. I partied. I met men and enjoyed their company.
But one in four. One. In. Four.
You can bet that my eye is on the exits and my knife is not far from my grasp.